If you ask a man what kind of woman he wants to marry, most men will say they want her to be a virtuous woman.
New Year's reunion with college roommates, married and baby we talked about the university roommate Xiaoqing, because every party did not see her trace, this time she still did not come.
Xiaoqing is a Chaoshan person and a typical "virtuous" type woman. I remember that when I was in college, she always "surrounded" us, the dorm alarm clock was adjusted at the right time, she would help me dry when the clothes were not dry, and she remembered the physiological cycle of her roommate. She took care of us "nanny- style" for four years, which really saved our lives a lot. Such a sensible and virtuous woman, who married happily for a lifetime!
"But she got divorced last year, her husband cheated on her, and now she's alone in Guangzhou with her children," the friend said suddenly. After a moment of silence, "the virtuousness of a woman" and "the stability of marriage" aroused my deep thoughts.
Virtuous women consider others more than themselves, everything revolves around the husband and children, the mouth is short in the mouth, and there is a super strong housework ability, stoic and understanding, it is simply a family's "almighty king", such a worry-free woman who does not love it?
But it is such an all-round player that makes the men in the family tasteless and discarded. It turns out that the more virtuous a woman is, the less a man knows how to cherish
Fact One: The more "virtuous" a woman is, the lazier a man becomes
In the first two years of marriage, Li Fang's daily life was like this: the first thing to get up in the morning, wake up her husband and children, take out the clothes that were ironed last night from the closet and tell the men to wear this today.
Then prepare breakfast, send the child to school after eating, take two buns by the way, and nibble while walking, and the man at the table is still leisurely drinking porridge and playing with his mobile phone.
This day after day of life scenes, Li Fang has long been skilled, and men have long been accustomed to it.
Returning from work in the evening, Li Fang did not have time to put on her apron and rushed into the kitchen to prepare dinner. The man came back and changed his shoes and the couch, and asked, "When is the time for dinner?" "Don't ask Li Fang in the kitchen if she's tired, do you want to help?" If dinner didn't start on time on any given day, and the man asked what he was doing after work for so long?
Li Fang's day after day of efforts did not exchange half a word of thanks from the men in the family, but became the "unvirtuous" in the mouth of the man. This kind of "nanny-style" care will only cultivate a lazy man who is not willing to do anything, and become a "young master" who does not want to grow up in the life arranged by the "mother" for a long time.
In addition, the wife's "excessive diligence" also slowly dilutes the man's sense of need at home, and once he feels that he is not needed, it is easy to go to other places to find this "need".
A person who is not needed by the family and does not pay for the family will not cherish happiness, because people will always scorn what is at their fingertips, and only after paying, they feel that it is not easy to come by and cherish it!
The little prince in "The Little Prince" once said: It is precisely because I have given time to roses that I feel that the roses of the whole planet are unique and precious.
The way to make a man cherish you is to make him willing to spend time on you and willing to pay for the family.
Fact two: the more "virtuous" a woman is, the more inappropriate a man is
Virtuous women are too good at talking and seem to be able to do anything. When encountering things, men will not discuss or ask her on the grounds that she is so sensible and virtuous anyway, and slowly, they will ignore their wives' feelings and thoughts, and women will become "invisible people" in the relationship and cannot be truly seen.
Many years ago, the fire TV series "The Temptation to Go Home" attracted many viewers to hug. Lin Pinru can be said to be the representative of a virtuous wife, empathetic, and willing to work hard. But on holidays and anniversaries, she can't expect any gifts from her husband, and night and night are more normal.
In fact, her husband has long regarded her as a "transparent person" in his heart, and even unscrupulously met with Ellie again and again until her husband and lover were poisoned.
Later, when The product returned as if he had changed a person, he firmly attracted Hong Shixian's attention at first glance. This is a very different woman from the weak, obedient woman before.
She is warm and energetic, and most importantly, she is no longer the "virtuous" wife in the eyes of everyone.
She finally found her position in the relationship between the sexes - she has her own edges and corners, when Hong Shixian made unreasonable requests, she knew how to refuse, and also let Hong Shixian have a pity in his heart because he could not easily get it, which is the starting point for men to value.
Only when a person has a suitable sense of proportion between compromise and rejection, can the other party take more into account your feelings in everything, let the man know your bottom line and principles, and gain his heartfelt respect and attention.
In marriage, what can make a man stay for a long time is never how good you are to him, but to give him gentleness while having his own clear sense of boundaries, and virtuousness should not become a reason for men to make progress, and men should not be abandoned.
Fact Three: The more "virtuous" a woman is, the more distant a man is
The essence of interpersonal communication is the exchange of values, and the same is true in marriage! Attraction, emotional value, economic value, etc. are all invisible factors that keep a marriage together.
The more virtuous a woman is, to a certain extent, she is suppressing her own needs and feelings, and in psychology, she belongs to the flattering personality, which is what we call "old good people". The flattering personality does everything only to gain the approval of others, but this kind of humble flattery is mostly dismissed by others.
In "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts", Matsuko has been pleasing others all her life, because when she was a child, her father only loved her sister and made her think that her father hated herself, so she used all her strength to please her father. When she grew up, Matsuko became an excellent teacher, but she still couldn't get rid of the state of others giving everything they wanted as soon as they showed favor.
Matsuko has loved five men, and it is reasonable to say that she should have had her own happy home, but the truth is that every man abandoned her.
In order to keep the writer, he willingly became a bath lady, but the other party still left without looking back.
Fell in love with a husband with a wife, and secretly accepted it every week, but the other party still chose his wife.
Falling in love with, being beaten to the face full of blood, and finally not changing the ending of not abandoning.
Matsuko's encounter warns us that a woman's humble "virtuousness" will not make men regard it as a treasure, otherwise there would not be so many women crying "Why am I so good to him, and he still wants to leave me?" ”
If you want to get the attention and cherishing of others, you must have your own value, "good to him" is not your real value.
When you no longer think only about him, but spend time and energy on yourself, elegant temperament, beautiful figure and high emotional intelligence wisdom are your best "killer skills".
When you have your own career and can generate more financial value for your family, men will also salute you.
Advice for married women: Your cheapness mostly starts with "virtuousness".
Nowadays, the word "virtuous" is always inconsistent with the concepts held by modern independent women, but as long as you do the following three points, upholding the virtuousness of keeping pace with the times is still the best "weapon" in married life.
Don't be a "virtuous" woman who pays cheaply, give the right to participate back to the man and let him cherish you.
Don't be too good at talking "virtuous" women, keep your edges and corners, and let him respect you.
Don't be a humble and flattering "virtuous" woman, and create your own value. Let him love you forever.
Today's Topic:
What kind of women do you think are not cherished?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world