The most affectionate, but also the loneliest.
Today is Valentine's Day and Mu Xin's birthday.
This romantic day should belong to him.
I believe that many people know Mu Xin because of "Once Upon a Time Slow":
The old days became slower
Cars, horses, mail are all slow
There is only enough to love one person in a lifetime
The former lock also looks good
The keys are beautifully presented
You lock it, people understand
At the Spring Festival Gala in 2015, Liu Huan sang this poem into thousands of households, which also evoked many people's memories of the past.
But in fact, Mu Xin also has a sentence: "In the past, people were more serious, seriously seduced, seriously lost their bodies, and the peak circuit turned decadent." ”
His love is simple and pure, but also sincere and warm, just like every ordinary person experiences: full of enthusiasm, tossing and turning, saying everything with his mouth, but full of yearning in his heart.
Love is like snow, new snow is rich, and residual snow is helpless.
Saying is equal to not saying the words is love.
Not yet, I have written a letter in my heart...
As he said: "Good things and bad things, after talking about it, are all romantic." ”
It also corresponds to Sanmao's sentence: "A moment of true feelings, can not say that it is false, love is eternal, can not say that only that moment." ”
Mu Xin was obviously quite aware of love.
But I went through all the materials and couldn't find a single bit of his own love story.
I only know that this old man who knows love very well has never been married in his life.
Today, Mr. Mu Xin should be 95 years old, and he has been away from this world for more than 10 years.
Chen Danqing once said: "If you don't meet Mu Xin, you will become accustomed to the problems of this era." But when such a person appears, you will compare it with him, and you will find that there are too many problems in us. ”
So at this moment, I would like to talk to you about Mu Xin and read his words.
Take another look at this "man in the dark with snow."
"Everyone's childhood wasn't playing enough."
- "The Lark Barked All Day"
Mu Xin's childhood, of course, is impossible to play enough.
In 1927, shortly after Mu Xin was born, he caught up with the Nanchang Uprising.
In that year, Li Dazhao, Chen Yannian and other revolutionaries sacrificed one after another, the cooperation between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party broke down, and the Japanese and the Kosovars looked at each other. Internal and external troubles, the situation is turbulent, and the wind and rain are fluctuating.
Fortunately, Mu Xin's family was well-off, and he did not suffer any hardships when he was a child, in his own words: "I grew up pampered and spoiled, and when I was more than ten years old, I had no experience in buying things on the street." ”
This is a rich second generation without compromise, and the places in the halls of the home are also precious porcelain from the Song and Ming dynasties.
Figure | Wooden Heart Childhood Photo (first from left)
What is rare is that unlike other merchant families, the Mu xin family has always attached great importance to literature, the cultural atmosphere of the family is extremely heavy, and even the housekeeper has the ability to write poetry after drinking.
Under the influence of the ear, Mu Xin has been fascinated by literature since he was a child. When I was about sixteen or seventeen years old, I had read all the books I could see.
Confucius and Mencius, poetry and song, foreign novels, paintings and calligraphy, oil paintings... Everything.
Once, after reading the collection of poems written by Mu Xin, the teacher Mr. Xia Chengtao praised: "If this is mixed into the Tang and Song poems, it is difficult to distinguish." ”
As a result, Mu Xin turned around and burned the poetry collection.
The mother was surprised and puzzled, and Mu Xin said: "I write poetry to write new ideas, and the teacher said that my poetry is no different from the Tang and Song dynasties, indicating that I am still just imitating, rather than copying imitation, it is better to burn it." ”
The so-called youthful spirit is probably like this. It may be inevitable to be a little arrogant, but it can always make people feel infinitely nostalgic.
Figure | Wooden heart in youth
Later, he lived in seclusion in Moganshan twice, alone in that barren mountain, reading in the morning and writing at sunset, lonely but comfortable.
When he came down the mountain, he was accompanied by more than 100 novellas and short stories, as well as countless sheets of ink.
Figure | Mu Xin's painting - "Adult Fairy Tale"
Figure | Mu Xin's painting - "San'in Ancient Road"
Years later, Mu Xin teased that he was suffering from "cultural stomach inflammation" at that time.
The accumulation at that time laid a solid foundation for Mu Xin's future literary path.
At the same time, the life of nibbling on books alone for many years also makes him seem less sociable among his peers, even lonely.
It also laid the groundwork for his future unfortunate encounters.
"I seek the depth of the human heart,
But I saw the shallowness of the human heart. ”
In this life, Mu Xin has been imprisoned 3 times.
The first time was in 1957, when he was 30 years old, just after 6 years of seclusion on Mogan Mountain.
Due to his family's lack of livelihood, he had to teach at a middle school in Hangzhou, and later entered the Shanghai Arts and Crafts Factory as a designer.
But one day, several police officers took him away on the grounds that Mu Xin was "plotting smuggling."
In fact, Mu Xin was framed by his classmates, and those people tried to smuggle in, so they pulled on the back of the unsociable Wooden Heart cushion.
In prison, Mu Xin received bad news. One day, a policeman told Mu Xin, "Your mother has died. ”
Figure | Wooden heart mother
Mu Xin felt that the sky was about to fall: "I can't wake up from crying." Why don't you wait until I'm out to tell? You have to run in and say to me that your mother is dead. ”
The police tortured Mu Xin and investigated for a long time, but there was no solid evidence. After half a year, I had to let go of the wooden heart.
The second time was in 1966, when Mu Xin was 39 years old.
It was the cultural revolution, and an official openly ridiculed the German poet Heine at the meeting. The others either echoed or were silent, but Mu stood up in anger and scolded, "You are also matched with Heine's screaming?!" ”
The result was a 18-month prison sentence.
At that time, he was locked up in a dark and damp air raid shelter, drinking sewage, eating steamed buns and moldy pickles, and breaking 3 fingers, and spending his days with rats and flies.
Many people are waiting to see Mu Xin begging for forgiveness, but he said: "A person cannot become a ghost, cannot say ghost words and lies, cannot wake up to see himself feel incomprehensible, no matter when, a person should live his own life and be clean." ”
He found a blank piece of paper, drew the keys of the piano in black and white, and curled up in the corner every night, silently playing alone.
He also secretly wrote every day, even if he couldn't see anything at night, he still wrote densely and neatly.
On the day of his release from prison, Mu Xin folded the manuscript neatly and carefully sewn it into a cotton jacket, which contained 650,000 words.
When he was arrested for the third time, Mu Xin was 50 years old, and it was another 2 years.
Everyone felt that when Mu Xin came out again, he must be extremely embarrassed and depressed.
But on that day, Mu Xin was smiling, the waist was extremely straight, and the pants had straight seams, which were very clean and elegant.
Liang Wendao was very surprised to see the photo of Mu Xin when he was in his 50s, because the person in the photo was extremely elegant, and there was no trace of complaint or suffering on his face: "This place is like a person who has been in prison, so strange, so strange a person." ”
Mu Xin has always had the habit of taking a bath in the morning, and some people say that it is because he has a cleaning habit.
But he said, "I get up in the morning and take a shower just to wash away the night." ”
He never wrote a memoir of suffering, and rarely talked about that life, as if nothing had happened.
The world's hearts are full of strangeness, he has seen more, he has seen more, he seems to have looked down on it.
"To be a director of life, not to be.
Second, be an actor. Again, be the audience. ”
- "Literary Memoirs"
The indifference of the wooden heart is actually arrogant.
Even in the most depressed time, he never bowed his head.
In 1982, 55-year-old Mu Xin stood on the streets of New York City, with only $40 in his possessions, and made a living by repairing antiques.
A collector valued Mu Xin's talent and asked him to move into a luxury apartment, asking to paint for him and write articles flattering him.
Mu Xin was dismissive.
Another time, a young man asked Mu Xin, "Are you an exiled poet?" ”
Mu Xin smiled and replied, "I am not, I walked far away to New York." ”
At that time, Mu Xin went to the ocean alone, often so poor that he did not eat the last meal.
But he still listened to Chopin and Mozart every day, wrote and painted every day, and lived an incomparably exquisite life:
His hair is always combed meticulously, and his shoes are always polished spotlessly;
He would design his own shirts, coats, shoes, hats;
Even eggs have to be studied in twelve ways to eat...
Figure | Wooden hearts often wear hats, bags that they often carry, and shoes that they often wear
Poor or difficult, Mu Xin has always adhered to two words - from the heart.
Even if life is difficult, he can't learn to flatter that set, he just wants to try to live like himself and be clean.
When he walked down the street in a straight suit, there was no gentleman more elegant than him.
In 1989, at the invitation of Chen Danqing and others, Mu Xin began to give lectures to students studying in the United States, and the title of the class was "Literary Memoirs", which lasted for 5 years.
At that time, Mu Xin was 62 years old, and everyone laughed casually in the first class, but he seriously changed into a suit.
Chen Danqing once asked, "How do you become an artist?" ”
And he replied, "Even life must become art." ”
Yeah, isn't the best art life itself? As the saying goes: "The best way to live is the cold and cold wind and fire." ”
Sober alone, enjoy the cold, but the wind and fire, there is a taste.
Just standing there is a landscape.
"I don't know what to forgive, but I sincerely feel that everything in the world can be forgiven."
- Jackson Heights
Mu Xin once commented on himself: "From China, I went into exile to the world, thousands of mountains and rivers, the ends of the earth, and died all the way to the motherland and hometown." ”
His life was indeed full of upheavals and displacements.
When he first wandered, Mu Xin was 20 years old.
It was 1947, and after the victory of the War of Resistance, he took to the streets to join the anti-Civil War student movement.
As a result, he was expelled from school, wanted by the Kuomintang, and had to avoid Taiwan until the founding of New China.
By the time of his second wandering, Mu Xin was 55 years old.
It was 1982, and after several prison sentences, he left the United States for 24 years.
But at first, it was only a physical wandering, and his soul was always worried about his hometown of Wuzhen.
Until 1994, Mu Xin quietly returned to Wuzhen, but the homeland has long been half the same as before, he was extremely disappointed and sad, and wrote in the article "Wuzhen":
In the concept of habit, "hometown" is "the place I know best", and at present I only know the place name, right, dialect, unchanged, besides, nothing... Farewell, I will not come again.
This time, he didn't even have his hometown. Both the body and the mind have become wandering orphans.
In 2006, the 79-year-old Mu Xin, under the invitation of Chen Xianghong, the secretary of Wuzhen, finally embarked on the road home.
Along the way, planes flew over the Bering Sea, Siberia, Mongolia... Until it flies into China.
Mu Xin also did not sleep all the way, repeating: "It's really slow." ”
He still wanted to go home after all, and the longer he left, the more he thought about it.
On September 11 of that year, it was drizzling in Wuzhen, and after 12 years, Mu Xin returned to his hometown.
This time, he never left again.
Figure | Wuzhen
Later, after Chen Danqing's daughter saw Mu Xin, she called him "Father-in-Law" and asked her father doubtfully: "Why does this father-in-law have no wrinkles?" ”
At that time, Mu Xin was 83 years old.
But on his face, there really wasn't much of a trace of time.
Perhaps as he said, "Along the way, I feel that everything can be forgiven, but I don't know what to forgive." ”
In his heart, there was no resentment anymore, and there was no trace of mourning on his face.
Or maybe he didn't have the heart to think about what he should forgive.
After all, he also said: "I will overcome the whole era in my body, and I must not waste my life in a conventional life." ”
Figure | Wooden heart in Wuzhen (Zheng Yang)
"Some people say that time is the most wonderful healing medicine.
This is not right, anyway, time is not medicine, medicine is in time. ”
- "The Good Brothers"
On November 21, 2011, at 3:00 a.m., Wuzhen had not woken up, and Mu Xin left this world.
When the reporter rushed to Wuzhen and asked "Did Mr. Mu Xin go out in his last time", most of the people around Mu Xin Garden were dazed: "Who is Mu Xin?" ”
In the last 5 years, Mu Xin had become a hermit in Wuzhen.
Every day, I only write, draw, drink tea, and occasionally go out for a walk, and the days are leisurely.
He loves to eat snacks from his hometown, and he can hardly stop eating snacks.
Someone advised him to pay attention to his body, but he said: "Gluttony of hometown food is actually chewing childhood." ”
Figure | Wooden heart
Chen Danqing once helped him pack up his things and inadvertently pulled out an old photo.
It was taken when Mu Xin was 19 years old, when he participated in the "New Year's Day Painting Exhibition".
Mu Xin pointed to himself in the photo and smiled: "Well, this guy was very angry back then, and his appearance was not bad, handsome!" ”
But the next second, tears suddenly poured in, and he quickly turned his head, covered his face with his hands, and cried bitterly.
Later, he was strong: "I'm not sad, I just want to cry loudly." ”
In the end, the past is not like smoke, but it is buried too deeply.
Figure | Mu Xin (first from left) and his classmates at Shanghai Art College
When Mu Xin was dying, his consciousness was already unclear, and Chen Danqing stood by his side all night.
That night, Mu Xin said a lot of words, but the voice was too weak, Chen Danqing bent down and listened carefully for half a day, but he never heard clearly.
But at about 3 a.m., Mu Xin suddenly opened his eyes and clearly shouted out seven words: "Tell them not to arrest me!" ”
That was the last sentence he left behind.
Chen Danqing said: "This is his period, all added up, is his life." ”
Mu Xin never mentioned the past, never said suffering, he just hid them well, never let people discover.
But when he could no longer control his thoughts, everything came to his mind and became his final farewell to this human world.
Figure | Wooden heart has been through vicissitudes of the hand
On December 24, 2011, at Mu Xin's memorial service, about 100 people came, mostly some young readers of Mu Xin.
Those literary giants, almost none of them came.
Of course, Mu Xin didn't care about this, he was wearing a black tweed coat and a plaid scarf, lying quietly among the flowers.
Chen Danqing said: "Mr. Li will not be vulgar all his life, and he will leave with the 'style of a wooden heart' noblely." ”
In the second year, Chen Danqing published the notes he had taken when he listened to Mu Xin's lectures, and published a book called "Literary Memoirs".
Unexpectedly, this book was suddenly popular all over the country, and a painter even bought 160 sets in one go and gave them to relatives and friends.
The name of Mu Xin has really entered the eyes of most people.
Then in 2015, Liu Huan brought "Once Upon a Time Slow" to the Spring Festival Gala stage.
After that, the Muxin Art Museum in Wuzhen began to get busy.
Figure | Muxin Art Museum in Wuzhen
Every day, there are countless letters and documents requesting the authorization of "Once Upon a Time", coming from the north of the South China Sea, almost piled up into mountains...
In the decade since his death, more and more people have fallen in love with his writings, his thoughts, and the man who claimed to be "in the snow in the dark."
But these things, Mu Xin did not know.
Even if he knew, he wouldn't care much.
After all, he had said long ago: "Even so far, I have already had a deep relationship with mankind." ”
To this day, the urn of the wooden heart is still quietly placed in the bedroom of the "evening sun".
Through the window sill, it seems that you can still see the figure wearing a coat and a top hat, clean, noble and elegant.
The outside world has changed and changed, and he no longer has to wander, never grow old again.
The man who was snowing heavily in the dark no longer had to worry about someone coming to arrest him.
I think that what Mr. Mu Xin is most worried about at this moment should be Wuzhen's food.
Resources:
1. Beijing Daily, "Saving Yourself Word by Word" - Mr. Mu Xin Sacrifice
2. Is the Beijing News Book Review Weekly "Can Mu Xin Be Considered a "Master"? How to evaluate the wooden heart is still a suspense case in the literary and art circles"
3. New Weekly "Wooden Heart: When the Aristocracy Declines, It Becomes More expensive"
4. Art Binzhou "The Man Who Snows in the Dark"
5. Zhihu # How to evaluate the wooden heart? #
6. Chinese Book Review "Talking About Mr. Mu Xin Again - Chen Danqing Answers Questions"