To learn to let others is to cross oneself.
Author: Insight Yebo
Growing up, everyone encounters the question: "What is maturity?" ”
When you are young, you are full of spirits, and it does not matter if you are rampaged in the world;
When people reach middle age and walk to the middle slope, they shoulder heavy burdens on their shoulders, and they have long been tempered by real life.
It turns out that the older a person gets, the more he becomes provocative.
1
Forbearance is a practice
At a graduation ceremony, Peking University President Wang Enge said:
"Whether it's being a person or doing things, if you want to do well, you need a basic quality - that is, patience."
On the road of life, we will inevitably suffer from the misinterpretation and blank eyes of others, and if we are too calculating, we will only fall into endless disputes and exhaust ourselves physically and mentally.
Only by bowing one's head, being able to bear the slander, and being able to endure humiliation can one maintain concentration and keep practicing.
Everyone loves to say "Liaozhai", but few people know the story of Pu Songling.
Pu Songling was born in the declining Shuxiang Mendi of the family road, and when he was 19 years old, he took the exam for the first time, and his writing was amazing, and he won the first place in the three examinations of the county government road.
This was the highlight of his life, but it was also the beginning of his life of humiliation and ups and downs.
For the next 50 years, he had to take the exam and fail every exam:
At the age of 21, he participated in the first township examination and was named Luosun Mountain; at the age of 24, he took the township examination again and did not win; at the age of 32, he participated in the third township examination and did not win...
For this, he often invited ridicule and ridicule.
Once at a banquet, in full view of everyone, a businessman asked in a strange way: "Mr. Jiuwen Pu is outstanding in literature, why don't you see the title of Mr. Jinbang?" ”
Pu Songling could only say: "Recently, I have given up writing and entered the business." ”
The man sneered, "Business is quite profitable, but Mr. Pu is dressed plainly, is he unable to return his money?" ”
In the face of ridicule and humiliation from others, Pu Songling did not fight back, nor did he defend, but chose to endure.
He stood up silently and left the feast alone.
In the days to come, Pu Songling continued to prepare for the exam while writing fox ghost stories that he was extremely interested in.
At the age of 72, he went to the examination hall again and finally passed the Gongsheng examination.
More importantly, in the decades of immersion, he integrated the world's human feelings into his brushstrokes and wrote a huge work that has been passed down through the ages, "Liaozhai Zhiyi".
There is a saying in the Diamond Sutra: "Knowing all dharmas without self, one must attain forbearance." ”
In life, adults do not live easily, and people who cannot tolerate anything are doomed to achieve nothing.
In the workplace, if you can't swallow your grievances, you will complain with people everywhere;
In the family, you can't be more patient, talk well, and the marriage will break up;
In society, if you don't know how to converge, you will be strong and competitive in everything, and you are doomed to be excluded.
As the saying goes, "If you don't think twice, you will regret it, and you can bear it without worry." ”
People live in the world, and they are not satisfied with things nine times out of ten.
Only by enduring loss, hardship and humiliation will we make the path of life wider and wider.
2
Jean is a pattern
Someone once asked: "What is the most difficult thing to do in dealing with people in the world?" ”
A high praise at the bottom replied: "Until the point is reached, there is room for it." ”
Knowing how to let go of everything and give others some cheap is also to leave a way out for yourself.
There is such a story.
Guo Ziyi, a great general of the Tang Dynasty, spent half his life on horseback, made a lot of meritorious contributions, and was named the King of Fenyang.
Because of his high position, he was jealous of many of his colleagues and was often vilified.
When the eunuch Yu Chao'en once took advantage of Guo Ziyi's expedition, he actually sent someone to dig up the ancestral tomb of the Guo family.
When the news reached the capital, there was an uproar in the court.
When several generals under Guo Ziyi learned of this, they were indignant and wanted to go to the capital to export their evil spirits for him, but he stopped them.
What is even more unexpected is that after Guo Ziyi returned to Beijing, he actually took the responsibility on himself, saying:
"The subjects have been leading the troops outside for many years, the discipline is not strict, and the soldiers under them do not know how many graves have been destroyed. Now that his own grave has been destroyed, he cannot blame others, which is retribution. ”
Guo Ziyi's words quickly spread to the Fish House.
Yu Chao'en was deeply ashamed, and immediately sent someone to repair the tomb of Guo Jiazu and repair a letter of apology, and the two became friends instead.
In the face of persecution by others, Guo Ziyi did not let go of calculations, but tolerated the other party with an open mind and won the hearts of the people with concessions.
Later, Guo Ziyi was impeached, and it was Yu Chao'en who stood up and supported Guo Ziyi and helped him tide over the difficulties.
There is a saying: "In this world, everyone will have a horse with high and short pedals, and when the mountains and rivers are exhausted, leaving some room for themselves is to give themselves some retreat." ”
Everyone in life will encounter some people who are looking for stubble and picking thorns, blindly resisting each other, and the tip of the needle is against Mai Mang, which will only escalate the conflict and be unmanageable.
It is better to eat some losses yourself and let three points at the right time.
As the Zhu Zi Family Training says:
Leave room for everything, and it is not appropriate to be proud; there must be room for doing things, and it is imperative to be good and abstain from saying everything.
Not doing things to the extreme, it seems to be convenient for others, but in fact, it is also to give yourself a final problem and save affection.
Be a person to leave a line, and see each other in the future.
In life, learning to let others is to cross yourself.
3
Retreat is a kind of wisdom
The "History of the Chu Family" records such a story.
One day, at the border of Wu and Chu, a Chu woman and a Wu woman quarreled and quarreled over picking mulberry leaves.
Chu Nu snatched and lost, and went home to cry to her father.
After Father Chu heard this, he called his relatives and went to the Wu family to ask for advice.
After meeting, the two families accused each other, did not give in to each other, and then fought hard and caused a human life.
When the border chiefs of the two countries heard that the people of their own countries were dead, they were furious and raised troops to attack each other.
In the end, a national war was triggered, and the result was a lose-lose situation.
From beginning to end, neither side took a half step back, and the original small dispute eventually led to a serious injury to the vitality of the two countries.
I remembered a topic on Weibo: "What skills will save you at a critical moment?" ”
Gao Zan's answer was two words: "Back off." ”
Many times, taking a step back is not impotence, but a kind of wisdom that is making way for happiness.
I have seen an anecdote by Chen Danqing.
One morning, Chen Danqing and his friends went out, and they found a small restaurant for breakfast.
Business in the shop was particularly booming, and after waiting for half a day, a table was vacant.
The guys were too busy to clean up the table, and they couldn't wait, so they took matters into their own hands.
After cleaning up for a while, an old man came and shouted at them, "My food has not yet been eaten, you have cleaned up my food, what should I do?" ”
Chen Danqing said, "Or I will buy you another copy." ”
The man raised his voice and said, "No, my good mood for the day has been ruined by you, give me some money as compensation." ”
The friend was very angry and prepared to come forward to theorize.
Chen Danqing stopped him and took some money out of his pocket and gave it to the old man.
Looking at his friend's puzzled look, Chen Danqing said:
Reasoning with an arrogant person, followed by endless quarrels.
I take a step back and can minimize things, so why not? And we have to hurry.
Hearing this, my friend was suddenly enlightened.
Many people believe that retreating in the face of things is a manifestation of weakness, and if they do not pay attention to their losses, they must argue according to reason.
Not really.
Living in the world, we will always encounter bumps and bumps, blindly entangled, and can only let ourselves fall into the mud.
A person who knows how to retreat at the right time not only reflects the mind of a person, but also shows the wisdom of the world.
Halfway through life, may you understand the principle of retreat, cultivate a calm state of mind, not afraid of ups and downs, and fearless of wind and rain.
▽
There is a saying in the Testament Sutra: "Forbearance is virtue, and abstinence from asceticism is beyond reach." ”
Only by being intolerable to ordinary people can we be unable to do what ordinary people cannot do.
In the second half of life, choosing to endure, let go, and retreat is not "instigated", but we "understand".
Know how to be tenacious, know how to bow your head, know how to be tolerant.
The sign of a person's maturity in middle age is nothing more than the beginning of putting away the sharp edge, lowering the body, and living softly.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.