How much time do you have to communicate effectively with your child in the limited time you spend together?
I believe that after these two questions are asked, many mothers will find that the time to really talk to their children every day is very short. And those envious obedient children, in fact, they all have a mother who knows how to seize the golden time of communication.
So when exactly is the "golden time" for communication? Let's take a look at Koko!
1. Before getting up
Many parents think that waking their children up in the morning is a chore. In fact, creating a good wake-up atmosphere is an important starting point for forming a good communication between you and your child.
A smart mom shared that one of her parenting tips is "a day's solution lies in the morning." The mother never rushed to lift her sleepy-eyed child out of bed in the morning, but arranged a series of rituals first. Here's how:
Set aside some time for your child to leave about 15 minutes between opening their eyes and waking up, and don't get too nervous about the time.
Create a comfortable environment for children to wake up naturally. For example: open the window and let the air and sunlight in. Play some of your child's favorite songs and gently stroke or massage the top of your child's head (according to scientific research, this helps people wake up naturally)
Give your child a nice greeting, such as "Good morning, baby." ”
2. After going home
The American social psychologist Locchins discovered the famous "primacy effect", which refers to the fact that the first impression left by interpersonal communication dominates the mind. Although it is not the first time that family members have met, the "first cause effect" also plays a role.
Going home is a "nother meeting" with your family, which determines how your family judges your state of the day, and throughout the next night, this judgment will dominate in your mind, affecting people's emotions and behavior.
So, when the child has just come home from outside, the last thing he wants to be greeted is criticism and complaint like a serial cannon:
"How did you get your clothes so dirty?"
"Hurry up and get homework!"
In fact, the child who steps into the door most hopes to be welcomed by his parents or be very patient to listen to what happens to him during the day. So creating a good time to enter the door is also to create a good situation for the child to communicate with you at home.
There are two practices that mothers can refer to:
Give your child a warm welcome, such as "back," or a pair of slippers, a glass of water, or a warm towel.
Let the child be quiet on his own for a while, and don't keep asking questions.
3. Before falling asleep
In fact, in the study of the subconscious, before falling asleep is the best time after falling asleep, you can properly use this time to communicate with your child, and it is easiest for the information you want to instill into your child's subconscious.
Therefore, before the child goes to sleep, you can be alone with the child and say intimate words without taboos. Moms remember to listen carefully to your child at this time, so that your child can feel your positivity and desire. With such an attitude and drive, children will slowly learn to share their worries and hopes with their mothers.
Making good use of the atmosphere of the night and the physical and mental state before going to bed is a great way to communicate with children.
4. When playing
Parents and children do some activities that they like each other, and it is indeed the easiest to enhance parent-child feelings. If you can find some activities that children are afraid of and like, and need someone to accompany them, it will be more effective.
The specific practice can be referred to as follows:
Pick an event
Make as many things your child likes to do with their parents as much as possible, and try to do it for around 30-40 minutes. Then let the child choose, such as riding a bike together, flying a kite, playing a game, making cakes, puzzles, chess, etc.
Set a time
Make an appointment with your child, don't easily break the appointment, if there is an emergency, be sure to explain the reason to the child in time, and immediately make rescheduling arrangements.
Do half an hour perfect parent
In ordinary times, because children don't do everything right, it is not guaranteed that they will be happy with children.
But in the half an hour or so of playing with the child, strive to be a perfect parent, do not pick on the child's problems, and to provide the best feelings for the child, more affirmation and praise for the child, more close to the child's body.
5. In contradiction
When parents and children have conflicts, especially when children make mistakes and make parents angry, children often deliberately avoid their parents and do not make positive contact with their parents. So to resolve conflicts, it is necessary to create a warm time that can melt each other.
During this time, parents and children can open the door of their hearts without scruples, and there will be no psychological burden of suffering from making mistakes. In addition, we must abide by some rules for each other: do not say angry words, do not turn over old accounts, and be honest about their inner feelings.
And it's best to talk about interesting or memorable things that we've done together before, and such arrangements are very effective in saving the parent-child relationship in crisis.
In addition, parents must not feel that the contradiction with their children is a troublesome matter, once the contradiction is resolved, it can often make the parent-child relationship and communication to a higher level.