I've always had a habit of recording what I saw, experienced, and thought of that touched me, and sometimes a small idea expands into a long article, but more than that, it's a little bit.
I would like to share some of them with you today, and I look forward to discussing them with you.
1
Don't ask 2-year-olds to "talk doesn't count, and don't accuse them of "talking doesn't count."
Thinking about this began a few months ago when Xiao Song brushed his teeth when he was particularly uncooperative. Every time I say "brush after three minutes", "brush after reading this book", or "brush after doing xx", or let him say when he will brush, he always promises: good!
However, when it is time to brush, it is time to run or run, to refuse or to refuse.
I was angry, I don't count words, how to do this, trustworthiness is a very important quality, you yourself promised, you have to do it, if you don't know it now, then I will tell you with action!
This action is basically to knock him down, force him to brush his teeth, and at the same time teach him: Talk to count!
A few times, it didn't serve any educational purpose, and I felt that I was being consumed badly.
"It shouldn't be like this," the thought popped into my head.
It's important to teach children to be honest and trustworthy, but am I really "teaching" this? Why do I think it might even be counterproductive?
Thinking of this, I never said anything like that again.
Later, I once chatted with a friend and found that the same scene had happened to his sister-in-law and nephew.
His nephew was a month younger than Xiao Song, the same brushing teeth did not cooperate, the same promise every time, the same regret after the same, his mother also blamed him for this.
I told him what I had thought before. These two children, who are about 2 years old, may be telling us with practical actions:
For children of this age, this "talk counts" requirement does not work.
Mom, we're only 2 years old, let's do it anyway!
As for integrity education, what is more important is "teaching by example", which is "moisturizing and silent" in the entire parenting career, rather than "preaching" again and again - who likes to listen to people preach?
For our children, sometimes we feel that we know him very well, and sometimes we feel as if he is from an alien planet.
His language is far more than "speaking", his behavior is more expressive of his heart.
The above is my thinking, if you have seen the relevant books or understand the corresponding development laws, welcome to teach and discuss
02
The freedom of observation gives the child time to "do nothing" in a daze
Slides are very common amusement facilities, can be seen in the community, playgrounds, kindergartens, and it is also interesting to observe how children interact with them.
From the first time Xiao Song met the slide, to the first time he slid down the slide, there was a long gap between them.
In the meantime, he might try to climb up from the bottom of the slide—always failing; or go up the stairs and stand at the top of the slide with his hands on the railing and just watch; or, do nothing on the ground and watch other brothers and sisters play.
Then it will slide, from the low slide, to the tall, spiral, and after a while, from making it clear that you "don't dare", to walking up again and again - sliding down and enjoying it.
Such a common thing is precisely a microcosm of the child "walking out" from our arms.
At first, it may take a period of observation and accumulation, and later there may be repetition, taking three steps and taking two steps back.
But I found that there are some children who do not have the freedom to observe.
The most impressive one was when Xiao Song was more than one year old and I took him to the playground to play, and that time he did not play with the slide, but just watched around.
Suddenly a mother carried a boy down a spiral slide, and a few seconds later the boy burst into tears, and the child's mother immediately reassured her, and the grandparents rushed to gather around.
Xiao Song was stunned by the side, and I couldn't help but sigh.
Before this "accident", they had been holding the child and playing with a lot of things, but the child only looked more than a year old, almost the whole time out of shape, and did not react when the mother said, "The slide is fun, I will take you to play."
Later, on various slides, I saw the same scenes. Little children are always carried to the slide by adults again and again.
What kid doesn't play with the slide? Why be in such a hurry. Besides, hold it all the time, don't you get tired?
In fact, observation is also a kind of learning, and children should have the freedom to be in a daze and have the freedom to "do nothing".
Raising a child doesn't always have to "do something", and "not doing anything" is also important.
03
The freedom to cry, and the duality of "distraction."
Yesterday Xiao Song fell down when climbing the chair, immediately cried, I came out of the kitchen, saw the overturned small chair, he had stood up by himself, I held him and asked where the fall hurt, he said the ear while reaching out to touch the right ear, I saw that it was all bruised, I comforted him and said: It must be very painful, all bruised, a little swollen.
When Xiao Song heard this, she cried even harder.
Well, I'm not comforting, and I can only hold him well and listen to him cry on my shoulder.
I said: Fortunately, there is no broken skin, and you will soon be fine.
But I don't say: Okay, it's all right, no crying.
No one wants to listen to a child cry, and when it comes to comforting a child, the words "don't cry" can easily blurt out. In addition, he will also take a "distraction" method to show him a fun thing, and the anti-crying effect is first-class.
Jordan does this a lot, and I do.
But isn't it natural to cry because of pain? Will it actually be a distraction to divert his attention at this time? Pain is a very important feeling, and crying is also a very important way of emotional catharsis.
Life is full of tastes, and childhood is not always full of laughter
So during this time, when facing this situation, I consciously did not say "no crying", although I cried harder at first, but in my arms he actually calmed down quickly.
After waiting for a natural process of mood fluctuations, you continue to play happily like no one else.
As for "distraction", it is sometimes a good way to do it, such as when a child wants to play with something that cannot be played, we use a safe toy to distract him.
But sometimes it doesn't work, pain, sadness, are essential experiences, they should also have the freedom to cry.
Parenting, there is really no standard answer.