I believe that parents will have an experience, in a certain period of time, children always put "don't hang their mouths, let eat, don't; let sleep, don't: let go out to play, or don't."
Some parents feel that the child is spoiled, have to make rules, but in fact, this is the child's self-awareness explosion, he began to make choices according to his own ideas, if the parents are forced at this time, it will stimulate the child's rebellious psychology, how, in order to make the child willing to cooperate?
Give your child choices and gain autonomy in your choices
The key to making children willing to cooperate with their parents is to stimulate their children's inner initiative. Children are willing to do something because they really think they should do it, not out of threats, coercion, or bribes.
The famous psychologist Edward M. In his book Intrinsic Motivation, L. Desi says, "People may have an innate need for autonomy and self-determination."
Stimulating intrinsic motivation first requires the child to feel autonomous, and the best thing to do is to give the child choices.
I believe that it is difficult for many children to get up, especially in winter.
A common parent's practice might be, "I'll count 10 and get me up right away," "Hurry up, or the toy you want won't be bought for you," or "Hurry up, mom will buy you chocolate."
And giving your child options can be, "Are you going to get up now?" Or do you get up after 5 minutes of sleep? ", the child will generally choose to start again after 5 minutes.
Meaningful choices can make children feel willing to think that they should get up at wake-up time now, and children will take the initiative to dress, wash, eat, and go out to participate in activities.
Set rules, gentle and borderless
Supporting autonomy and giving children the space and freedom to choose is not pampering.
Parents should communicate the norms of activities in advance according to the child's nature and development stage, so that they are gentle and have boundaries.
Be reminded before the event
In "You Are the Best Toy for Children", The American child educator Kimberly Bryn called this practice of what will happen in a specific scene, what needs to be done, and communicate with children in advance as "sowing seeds".
Before taking your child to the restaurant for dinner, tell your child, "In the evening, mom and dad take you to the restaurant to eat, in order to make everyone happy to enjoy a delicious meal, you can't shout, you can't run around."
It's almost time to wash and go to bed, and the child also asks to play with toys, you can tell the child, "You can play for another 15 minutes, oh, play well, we should wash and get ready for bed."
Communicate with your child in advance and sow the seeds of cooperation.
Explain why
Intrinsic Motivation, when it comes to how to set boundaries, says that when people understand why they are set, they are more likely to accept them.
The mother took the child to the bunker to play, not directly asking him, "Don't get the sand on the grass", but explained to him, "If you pile the sand on the grass, the grass will die, and if there is less sand in the bunker, it will not be fun in the future."
By explaining why boundaries can't be set, children are more receptive and won't be bothered by boundaries.
Educate children with direct consequences
The immediate consequences are also natural consequences, such as being drenched in rain, the clothes will be wet; if you don't eat, your stomach will be hungry; if you don't wear clothes, you will be cold, and if you are serious, you will catch a cold.
Where appropriate, children need to be held accountable for the direct consequences of their actions.
In the scene of getting up above, if the child does not get up late, does not force, does not threaten, does not bribe, that is his choice, if he misses the activity, it is the direct consequence that the child needs to bear.
Educating children with direct consequences is not to punish them, but to make them effectively responsible for their actions.
Feel and understand your child's feelings and give your child a sense of belonging
Many times the child refuses to cooperate because the child has emotions and cannot correctly recognize and deal with the emotions.
Sometimes the child is tired and sleepy, and the mood will be very frizzy; sometimes, the child will be unhappy or sad because he has not played with toys and has not eaten delicious food; there may be conflicts with friends and grievances in his heart.
Accepting and responding to their children's feelings before asking them to cooperate is the first thing parents should do.
We all feel this way, "When I feel that someone understands me, I am less hostile and more willing to communicate with people." It's the same for kids.
"I know you're sleepy now and feel a little irritable", "Mom knows that if you don't continue to play, you will be a little unhappy", "Mom knows that you are a little wronged in your heart now", accept, understand and recognize the child's emotions, give the child a stable sense of security, and tolerate a loving sense of belonging.
"The best education comes from the heart and is reflected in every moment of daily life", consider from the child's point of view, feel the child's feelings, do not force or bribe, believe in the child, and respect the child.
Each child is unique and has unlimited potential, and cooperation will be the most direct response to the love that children give to their parents.