Aunt Wen
One morning 10 years ago, an elderly couple in Guangzhou jumped from the roof of an old-fashioned residential building where they lived, and after a doctor's identification, the two died on the spot.
The neighbors around them immediately recognized that the old couple was no one else, it was the two sons of Uncle Wen of Liu who lived on the second floor, when Uncle Liu was 65 years old, and Aunt Wen was also 60 years old. The two left, leaving behind two children as young as 10 years old.
After the tragedy, neighborhood committees, relatives and neighbors rushed to the scenes, and under the lens of reporters, a surprising fact gradually surfaced.
It turned out that the main reason for the couple to commit suicide by jumping off a building came from their two children.
The pain of losing one's independence
There were two 10-year-old children in their sixties, and from this point, it can be seen that the experiences of Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen are unusual.
In fact, before that, Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen originally had a happy family of three, although the family conditions were not rich, but also had everything, as the son gradually grew up, Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen also had hope, and life was full of hope.
In 1999, a sudden car accident robbed the family of hope, and their 20-year-old son collapsed in a pool of blood and never woke up.
When Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen learned of this news, they were devastated and could not accept such a fact for a long time, as if the sky had fallen. Uncle Liu smoked one cigarette after another, and Aunt Wen sat at home washing her face with tears all day.
More than a month later, when a neighbor saw them again, he found that Aunt Wen's hair was almost completely white, and Uncle Liu was much older than before.
After a long time, the old couple's eye circles were still red, and some neighbors said that this matter was too big a blow to both of them, and for a long time, everyone did not dare to mention it.
But it is not a matter of going on like this, so some neighbors suggested that they have another child to alleviate the pain of losing their independence. Aunt Wen was 47 years old at the time, and when she heard this suggestion, she was obviously a little moved.
But at her age, she was already menopausal, and it was almost impossible to have a child, so the neighbors recommended her to the hospital for IVF.
Aunt Wen returned home to discuss with Uncle Liu, and Uncle Liu also agreed that according to their concept, a family without children is incomplete. The cost of doing IVF is very high, and Aunt Liu shuwen and aunt are very strong, they did not open their mouths to relatives and friends to ask for a penny, they gritted their teeth, and emptied their savings to the top.
At that time, when the two couples went to the neighborhood committee to apply for a birth permit, the staff of the neighborhood committee kindly reminded them that with Aunt Wen's age, it was very likely that they would not be able to bear it. At that time, Aunt Wen said, "Then I will slowly suffer until I can't stop it." ”
Ivy tube conception was successful, after that, Aunt Wen, like a desperate third mother, also pedaled a coal truck during pregnancy, and Uncle Liu worked harder, they did not know that the birth of the child brought them not only joy, but also trouble.
Joy of old age
In 2002, Aunt Wen successfully gave birth to a pair of healthy dragon and phoenix fetuses, and watching the two children sleeping in swaddling, the old couple felt that everything was worth it.
The family that was once surrounded by pain finally had a rare laughter, and the joy of the old man gradually diluted the pain of losing his independence.
The news that 50-year-old Aunt Wen and 55-year-old Uncle Liu successfully owned a pair of dragon and phoenix fetuses through IVF technology has become a news in Guangzhou and has attracted the attention of many media.
Local enthusiasts have sent blessings, but also donated a lot of children's clothes, supplies, toys, etc., Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen both raised their eyebrows, and the hope of life was rekindled.
Some neighbors said that during that time, the two of them were indeed in a much better mental state, and the old couple often pushed the stroller to the park downstairs for a walk.
For Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen, as long as they have children, the family is thriving and vibrant, and for the sake of children, adults are worth it even if they are tired.
At that time, Aunt Wen often hung on her lips: "When the two children grow up, our hard days will come to an end." ”
At that time, no one noticed that while life gave people joy, they were also demanding corresponding costs, and they could no longer see the day when their children grew up, but they lost their nostalgia for life early, leaving deep regrets in the hearts of children.
Behind the doting is endless exhaustion
No matter how hard Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen work, age and energy are always an obstacle that cannot be bypassed. After the joy of old age, followed by a place of chicken feathers in life.
The child is in a time of crying and making trouble, and with the economic conditions of Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen, it is impossible to find an aunt to bring, coupled with the heavy work and the continuous rotation between the baby, the old two will soon be a bit overwhelmed.
Usually people take care of a child is still difficult, not to mention Uncle Liu Wen Aunt this age, to bring two children, Aunt Wen often only sleep 5 hours a day.
Due to severe fatigue and lack of sleep, Aunt Wen was often dizzy and weak, and she once lamented to a neighbor: "Taking a baby is much more tiring than working." "Uncle Liu's joints are uncomfortable, and every time he helps the child take a bath, he has a back pain one after another, and he rests for a long time before he gets better."
Such a situation has lasted for many years, and whenever outsiders ask why they do not let the children learn to take a bath by themselves, Uncle Liu will always appear embarrassed and helpless, and he is afraid that the child will burn himself with poor boiling water, and he is afraid that the child will slip to be injured.
In 2008, Uncle Liu brought two children to kindergarten, where the head of the kindergarten, Professor Xu Xizhou, heard their story and thought that the age of the two was not easy, specially waived all expenses for the two children, and also arranged a cleaning job for Aunt Wen in the kindergarten.
This job can earn more than 1,000 yuan per month, although it is not much, but it is expensive to find time to accompany children.
In her spare time, Aunt Wen often watched the children playing next to her, and of course she could not do without her own children, afraid that they would fall and be injured.
The child is tired of playing, Aunt Wen rushes to wipe the sweat of the child, sometimes the child is playing happily, Aunt Wen's concern will also cause the child's disgust, but in Aunt Wen's view, as long as it is for the good of the child, she has no regrets.
It is said that strict fathers and mothers are strict, but Uncle Liu's doting on children is no less than Aunt Wen, and Uncle Liu will carry two school bags to send children to school every day.
Teachers have also reminded him that in order to cultivate children's autonomy, it is best to let children carry their own school bags, but they are always laughed and perfunctory by Uncle Liu.
Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen first lost their children in middle age, and then they grew old, and their feelings for children were naturally strong and cherished, which was beyond reproach.
But everything is too late, a string has been stretched for too long, sooner or later there will be times when it cannot be carried. Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen struggled to hold on for too long under the situation of inadequacy, and unconsciously began to approach the moment when the string broke.
There is no medicine for regret
Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen gave the best to the children, just to prevent the children from being affected by their different origins, but the good news is that the two children are also very competitive, and the results have always been among the best, and Aunt Liu Shuwen is also proud of the children's contention.
However, this situation no longer exists after the child goes to primary school, because homework often requires parental help.
But Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen only have the level of Chinese, they look at the child's English book, just like reading the heavenly book, they can't understand, talk about tutoring children?
Moreover, Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen are also older, and their energy is no longer what they used to be. The economic and spiritual strength required to raise children is like an invisible net, trapping two elderly people who are more than half a hundred years old in it.
In terms of interests, they have not kept up with the pace of the times, and in terms of finances, despite their desperate efforts, they have not been able to fill the gap between their children and most of their peers.
Aunt Wen's meals are always clear soup and water, the sisters and brothers do not like to eat, the two eat slowly, eat less, compared to the same age, the sisters and brothers are shorter, thin and small, looking two or three years younger than the actual age.
In addition, the academic performance of the sisters and brothers also began to plummet, and Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen worried about themselves all day long, believing that they were not capable enough, so they delayed the child. The joy and laughter of the family no longer existed, and it fell into a dull and oppressive atmosphere.
If the original pain of losing one's independence was only mental torture, then today's dilemma is the double pressure of spirit and body, occasionally relatives come and go, Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen look at other people's children, always sighing in frustration:
"Your children are so old, but our children are still so young, when is such a day a head?"
Careful neighbors found that Aunt Wen often stared out the window, not knowing what she was thinking. Children are malnourished, they don't learn well, and everything is a stab in the heart of a parent, and the person who holds the knife is themselves.
Uncle Liu said: Every time after school, when the class teacher leaves his child to correct homework, he can't help but feel sad and blame himself, because he is not literate, can not tutor the child, and misses the child.
Aunt Wen also said: In the face of children's complaints, their old two mouths are ashamed in their hearts and have no place for themselves.
One day, Aunt Wen told her relatives that she regretted giving birth to these two children. She said bluntly that her body and spirit could not bear the burden of raising two children, she was too tired.
For some time after that, Aunt Wen's conversations with relatives and neighbors often mentioned that she was powerless to raise children, and she even thought about handing over the children to others for adoption.
But Aunt Wen and Uncle Liu's relatives and friends are generally older and do not have the energy to raise children, so this situation continues.
Until one day, Aunt Wen suddenly looked at the neighborhood committee with a panicked look and said that someone was going to poison them. But it was confirmed that this was just Aunt Wen's imagination.
"By then her spirit was already in trouble." After the incident, relatives said.
In addition to this incident, there were many times when Aunt Wen, after being stimulated, frantically hit her head against the wall, frightening the two children into asking uncle for help, and they shouted: "My mother may be a madman!" ”
Uncle Liu quickly sent Aunt Wen to the brain hospital for examination, and after returning, the atmosphere at home became more dull and depressed, and Aunt Wen locked herself in the house, not going out for several months, it was difficult to go out, and it was also a look of mental trance.
The burden of the family all fell on Uncle Liu's shoulders, and he had to take care of a pair of children and take care of his wife, and under great pressure, Uncle Liu couldn't sleep all night, sometimes barely falling asleep, and would have nightmares.
Soon, Uncle Liu suffered from severe depression, but the pressure of life continued, and he could not stop.
The old couple regretted from the bottom of their hearts that they wanted these two children, but there was no regret medicine in the world, and since they had made a choice, they had to bear the price.
The old two were strong people, no matter how hard it was, they did not borrow a penny from their relatives, but they were overwhelmed by this burden and forced themselves to the edge of a steep cliff.
Behind the tragedy, it is thought-provoking
Uncle Liu is just an ordinary worker, the income is limited, Aunt Wen originally stood up with a big belly to sell coal and could not make much money, and later as a health worker, it was also not enough to solve the urgent need.
In order to make a little more money, Aunt Wen also collected waste on the street, and the home was once full of waste that Aunt Wen had picked up.
The neighborhood committee has just issued them a 500 yuan subsidy, and relatives have also said that the child's support can be paid by them.
During the New Year, the doctor who diagnosed and treated Aunt Wen's mental illness also visited her, when Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen revealed to her that it was not a problem of money, but that their energy could not keep up, and there was no way to raise such two growing children.
Before the tragedy, Aunt Wen had twice wanted to jump off a building to commit suicide, but was stopped by Uncle Liu and the neighbors who rushed to her.
But in the next few days, both Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen showed a negative attitude towards life, claiming that living was not interesting and there was no hope.
Now that the two children are only 10 years old, academic problems have left them in a mess. They have had experience in raising children, and they know that there will only be more problems in the future, and after the children's college, work, marriage and children, and a series of worries are still waiting behind, and the tired days can not see the head.
After two unsuccessful jumps, this time, Aunt Wen rushed to the roof and never returned, and Uncle Liu, who was chasing her and rushed past, also fell from the tall building with her.
As for whether they were disheartened and died together, or Uncle Liu, who went to stop Aunt Wen, failed to stabilize, so they fell off the tall building together, no one knows.
I only know that after the incident, the two children in the house were still sleeping, and the room was a mess, full of traces of a long time ago. When relatives opened the refrigerator, they saw that the meat such as sausages was stuffed with a refrigerator, while the children said that they could only eat one meal a day.
There are still a lot of brand new children's clothes in the closet, but Uncle Liu often says that children have no clothes to wear, do not know what to wear, and there is a piece of deformed chocolate in the corner of the room, which has long expired for a long time, but no one has been willing to eat.
Relatives revealed that the old couple has always lived frugally, and during the New Year, even the Coke in the cup is not allowed to waste a single bit.
They came from a hard life, and there is nothing wrong with doing so, but now that the times are different, it is really inappropriate for children to live such a life together.
The staff of the neighborhood committee said that a few days before the incident, Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen had visited the neighborhood committee one after another, hoping that someone could adopt their two children.
The tone and demeanor really seemed to be arranging the aftermath, and perhaps at that time they were ready for their lives.
The two children were eventually adopted by Professor Xu Xizhou, who had helped the elderly couple, and Professor Xu promised to raise the two children through high school and try to take care of their lives during this time.
In the psychological counseling after that, the two brothers and sisters wrote on the paper: "Mom and Dad, you can rest assured, we are living very well, very happy ..."
Two children who often complain that their parents are not good at cooking and cannot help them with their homework actually have deep feelings for their parents, and they never have the opportunity to convey this feeling.
As we all know, most people in the last century were one-child families, and one child is the hope of the whole family, and once the only child appears three long and two short, it is a disaster for the family.
Xu Xizhou and two children
Two years ago, Phoenix Network reported that a 59-year-old woman who had lost her independence chose to commit suicide under the pressure of her spirit. It is reported that her only daughter also died in a car accident, and she and her lover were seriously mentally stimulated.
Coupled with the fact that both of them are not in good health and life has become hopeless, this nearly sixty-year-old mother, who swallowed sleeping pills in discouragement, committed suicide, which caused the society to pay attention to the elderly who lost their independence.
Losing a child in old age is one of the greatest sorrows in life, and it is easy to make irrational actions in the case of irreproachable psychological torture.
In order to enable families who have lost their independence to support themselves, the government has introduced a series of guarantee policies, such as medical security, old-age security, living assistance and economic support, etc. Some areas also encourage the establishment of contacts between families who have lost their independence, so that the elderly can accompany each other and tide over psychological difficulties.
Uncle Liu and Aunt Wen want children for the hope of life, but in the end they have a dead knot around their lives, which is sad. The deceased is gone, and what we need to pay attention to is how other similar families can rekindle their confidence in life after losing their independence.
In addition, in the treatment of children, parents also need to carefully consider whether they are ready to welcome new members, must not be impulsive, after all, if you want to create a happy family, parents are not only responsible for themselves, but also responsible for their children.
Resources
[1] Phoenix Network, February 11, 2012, "Sixty couples gave birth to dragons and phoenix fetuses 10 years ago in a test tube, and both jumped off the building yesterday and died"
[2] "Wang Gang Tells a Story", No. 20120320, "The Death of Love"
[3] Southern Metropolis Daily, February 12, 2012, "Ten years ago, for the pain of mourning a child, a dragon and phoenix fetus was born; ten years later, the old couple jumped off the building, who will take care of the children"
[4] "The Life of the People", 2012-09-01, "The Tragic Life of a Couple Who Lost Their Independence"