A recent netizen wrote:
"My child is usually very lively and outgoing, but seeing the teacher is like a rat seeing a cat, let him talk to the teacher for two words, he will not die, and even if he meets the class teacher on the road, he wants to go around!" Is there anything you can do to make your child bolder? ”
Reading her description, I seem to see myself when I was a child, I don't know why, the teacher at that time was not fierce, but I just felt afraid, try to avoid contact with the teacher, and face the leader after work.
If you're like this yourself, or if your child is like this, this article may help you analyze the reasons and show you how to improve your child's "fearfulness" mood in homeschooling.
Children who are "afraid" of the teacher may be "authority phobia"
In film and television works, we can often see such a bridge section: a child is walking on the campus laughing and laughing, and suddenly meets a teacher, what is the first reaction of several children? The high probability is to quickly change the road and avoid meeting with the teacher.
It can be seen that "fear" of teachers is a common emotion in children, even if teachers are not so strict or have "hurt" themselves. Psychologists have also noticed this characteristic of the crowd early on, calling this phenomenon "phobia of authority."
Children with an authority phobia will have a deliberate avoidance of people with the right to manage and criticize, such as class teachers, teachers, etc.
Why is that? On the one hand, as a social psychology, it is closely related to the hierarchy in our East Asian culture; on the other hand, it is also closely related to the family environment in which children grow up.
Fear of emotions or family education
In the netizen's private message, she mentioned several children she envied, who were not afraid of the teacher at all, and would immediately communicate with the teacher about the parts that they did not understand academically. And this kind of communication also makes the teacher pay more attention to them, unconsciously pour more energy, and the relationship between teachers and students is more harmonious. These children are likely to be able to successfully manage upwards in their future work and get along with the leader without humility.
So, why is there such a big gap between children in the same cultural atmosphere? The answer lies in homeschooling.
Relationship with father
For the little baby, the mother and herself are one, and the father is the first "other" to break in, a stranger in a sense; it is also the child's first attempt to get along with the world and with authority.
If the impression of the father is severe, the emotional experience brought by the father is mostly related to punishment. Then when the child externalizes this "father-son relationship" into a relationship between "himself and the authority", he will subconsciously and consciously evade, fear, and even be controlled by the authority, unable to adhere to the bottom line.
Whether or not to be in an environment of blame and punishment
"If you're making trouble, I'm going to spank your ass!" Is this common in our children's education?
When the child asks: Why did you spank my ass?
A considerable number of people should subconsciously say: Because I am your father (mom)!
This kind of authority-based accusation and punishment will allow the child to internalize the external punishment into self-denial, and in the face of authority, such as the teacher, even if the teacher does not accuse him, the child will carry a psychological projection: "Don't let my mistakes be discovered by the teacher, and then blamed".
Not to mention boldly communicating with teachers, discussing problems with authority on an equal footing, or insisting on their own views and bottom lines under great authority pressure.
Do these things to make children more "bold"
Is there still a way for children to be "afraid of teachers" to slowly improve? The answer is yes, since the problem lies in family education, then by establishing a good family environment and improving the parent-child mode of getting along, there is a way to make children more "bold".
Because I have my own "authority phobia", I pay extra attention when educating children, so instead of "fearing" the teacher, Junbao has grown into a child who is more natural with adults or teachers than I am. The following experiences are shared with you and hope to be helpful.
First, don't be afraid of your child challenging your authority
If we want our children not to be afraid of teachers, we must first deal with our own knots. Are you worried that your child will see the teacher and walk around, and at the same time worry that the child is not afraid of the teacher and does not study well? Worried that your child is afraid of authority, but at the same time want to establish the authority of their parents?
When we are not afraid of children challenging their authority and giving them enough respect and space, they will fully develop themselves. Take Gongbao as an example, for example, once we went out on a trip, I thought we should go to the left, Zhenbao felt that it should go to the right, I arrogantly thought that the adults must be right, and it turned out that Zhenbao was right. I squatted down and apologized for my mistake and gave him more rights in the choice later.
In victory and success, the child will find that authority is not necessarily always right, there is nothing to fear, and believing in oneself is the best choice.
Second, establish an open and equal exchange environment
Discuss problems with your children more, don't draw conclusions, don't judge, let them fully express their thoughts. Give them the right to decide their own lives.
For example, the winter vacation is coming soon, and according to the past practice, parents are used to help them arrange their time and life, so that the children follow the parents' plans, and the parents act as supervisors.
In fact, you may wish to try the reverse, let the child arrange their own time, parents just put forward opinions, fully discuss with them, after a certain node, in the discussion with the child The plan is reached? If not why?
Finally, give your child a chance to reach out to other adults
The last method I didn't expect was to expose my child to more adults. Because of work, Zhenbao has maintained a good relationship with the friends in my team. These brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, the younger is in his twenties, and the older belongs to the same age group as me.
In the process of shooting or serving Party A, they regarded the Zhenbao I carried as a member of the team, and I did not deliberately hold the Zhenbao to make him say" Uncle and Aunt Hello! ", Zhen Bao called their names directly, and got along in his own way.
In fact, he quickly mastered how to get along with adults, how to put forward his own point of view, how to put forward his own requirements. And when it comes to strangers, it's more natural than I am.
Write at the end
To make children not afraid of authority is, fundamentally, to help them build a strong heart. Start with the success of self-selection and the experience of interacting with adults. Let your child know that there is no need to be afraid of anyone and always believe in himself!
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