Illuminate yourself, illuminate others, and the education of love is the future
In the recent hit drama "The Perfect Partner", Sun Lei, the father played by Zhang Luyi, perfectly handled the conflict between his daughter and other children.
As a parent, the way he communicates with his child can only be capitalized.
01 Emotional stability and rational communication
As soon as Sun Lei arrived at the cram school, he received complaints from other children about his daughter Sun Yuanjiao, saying that her daughter had beaten someone.
In the face of such a situation, in fact, many times, parents may not ask the reason, because hitting someone is really wrong, they may directly force the child to apologize to the other party.
Such a treatment, we feel that it is enough, we have apologized, the child also vowed not to do it again next time, this matter is of course over.
But in fact, such a treatment, many times the child is only based on the situation at that time a judgment, because the fear of parents hitting themselves, even if they apologize, in fact, they are not convinced.
The daughter of the play, Sun Yuanjie, because she and her father usually have a good relationship, so they do not apologize.
But if it is replaced by Wu Min's son Lin Jing, if Wu Min asks him so, plus because it is a training class held by his mother, Lin Jing will probably be forced to apologize.
In fact, here Wu Min made a wrong demonstration to the children, because the beaten children threatened not to come to you in the future, and Wu Min immediately compromised.
Even if he knows that his son may have been wronged, he is ready to make things bigger and smaller and let the children forget about it by letting everyone eat cake together.
Whether it is to force the child to submit to the authority of the parents, or to make a mud, it is actually just covering up the problem in the present.
The superficial problems have passed, but the children may not communicate with each other in the future, and the children will learn to compromise from the behavior of their parents and cannot insist on being themselves... In fact, there will be a series of problems.
This can actually be seen from the difference in personalities between Lin Jing and Sun Yuanjiao.
Lin Jing, who lacked the company of his father since childhood, has always seemed a little cowardly, and his mother Wu Min's compromise on life has more or less made him learn to give in. Although the material conditions at home are very good, it cannot make him confident.
Sun Lei's daughter Sun Yuanjiao is optimistic and brave, including after solving the problem, she also takes the initiative to reconcile with the other party, frank and confident.
In his daughter's refusal to apologize, Sun Lei has always been emotionally stable, although he insisted on the principle of making the children apologize, but after Sun Yuanjie refused, he did not further persecute, but first learned about the situation from the incident.
Many times, as parents, in the face of such a situation, we will feel that the child is disobedient, challenging their own authority, it is likely that the problem is not solved before they will explode emotionally, so Sun Lei has done this really well.
Of course, in the whole process of dealing with problems, although Sun Lei adheres to principles and makes it clear that it is not right to hit people, he is always emotionally stable, especially when communicating with the other party's children, it can even be said that he is gentle.
02 How to communicate with your child
When you understand the origin of the incident, as a parent, you can actually clearly see that your child is not right to hit someone, but the other child is also wrong, after all, talking is too hurtful.
In the situation at that time, as a mother, Wu Min actually wanted to escape this fact, and stood with the children to force the other party to apologize.
But it was obvious that the other party did not eat this set, not only refused or even threatened, Wu Min immediately softened, wanting to make big things small and small things.
After Sun Lei heard it, he changed his way of communicating with the other child, which is actually a method that parents can use in daily life.
First, give children respect
Sun Lei first squatted down very gently and asked the name of the beaten child.
On the surface, this is just a problem, but behind it is actually because Sun Lei treats the other party as an independent individual like himself. It will not be judged because the other party is young, the other party's parents are not present, and so on.
In fact, after asking for the name, the child immediately calmed down, no longer the attitude of doing it. Answered his name very seriously.
It is because Sun Lei actually gave the child enough respect, so the child also began to think with his ideas.
Second, use fairy tales to close the distance
After this step, I think it is something that parents can do when facing their children's emotional breakdown.
Sun Lei even asked the child 2 questions, and all of them can be understood by the child, through fairy tales, tell the child that you can't not believe it because you haven't seen it. Then guide the child step by step to think.
This is actually the key to communication, saying what the other person can understand, rather than saying what you want to say.
Later, when the beaten child said it, it was just curious whether Lin Jing had no father like him, but it made everyone understand the reason.
And from the purpose of this child, we can also see that he is not malicious in nature, perhaps empathy, perhaps thinking that he has found the same kind of person, so he is curious to know. But that's it.
But the speaker has no intention, and the listener intends, creating a contradiction.
But without Sun Lei's guidance, everyone may not understand the child's sadness, and then understand and accept him.
Third, express concern with action
Here Sun Lei also did a good job, that is, when the child said that he did not have a father, he said sorry to the other party and hugged him.
These two points are actually very difficult, and saying sorry to this child is actually because I realize that my questioning has actually hurt the child, and in essence, I still respect and see the feelings of the other party. And hugging each other is also expressing their concern.
After this, coupled with the acceptance of his daughter Sun Yuanjie and mutual apologies, the matter was finally resolved, but Sun Lei also made a step. It was timely to divert everyone's attention and did not let the grief continue.
I think that this kind of education not only allows children to learn how to deal with problems, but more importantly, let each other understand each other, and truly understand, accept each other's differences, learn to care for and love each other, but do not overly sympathize, and maintain enough respect.
Every conflict is an opportunity for children and parents to learn and change.
For parents, being able to maintain sanity in conflict, protect without over-interfering, can solve problems more objectively.
In the guidance of respect and love, words and deeds are taught to tell children how to face conflicts correctly, understand and understand the difficulties behind each person, but give moderate care in a measured manner to encourage children to grow together.
As a father, Sun Lei's performance in this section is really wise and patterned.
Welcome to pay attention To learn family education together to help children grow.
Illuminate others, the education of love is the future