Grandma is ninety years old this year, belongs to the age of the elderly, due to old age and frailty, most of the time every day sits at the head of the bed, eyes looking straight out the window, always screaming at herself, the slight atrophy of the left brain, so that she always exudes a stubbornness and willfulness between the words, osteoporosis, muscle atrophy deprived Grandma of the right to walk freely, the first thing to get out of bed is to find the crutch that has accompanied her for several years, and then on crutches, supporting the wall, slowly going back and forth between the bathroom and her bedroom... For most of the year, Grandma lived in my house, Dad is a big filial piety, always in the first time, put delicious meals and hot water in front of Grandma, Grandma's appetite is very good, the amount of food is slightly less than a middle-aged woman, as the saying goes, people rely on rice, Grandma's longevity is not unrelated to her having a healthy stomach.
My computer is placed in the bedroom where grandma lives, every day after work or rest, part of the time, I will browse information or play games on the computer, and grandma will always sit on the bed, talking to herself about those old things, in grandma's memory, the real world has little to do with him, her memory often stays in forty or fifty years ago, some people and things for me, are a blank, and grandma always talks about it, recalling sad past events, grandma will cry and lose her voice... Whenever this happens, I just quietly surf the Internet and never interject, because Grandma has some ears, and even if she says it, he can't hear it, and I know that this is her way of self-catharsis.
Every day after coming home from work at noon, I have eaten, always sleep in my grandmother's bed in the morning, first, this room is sunny, second, I have lived with my grandmother since I was a child, lying next to my grandmother feel solid, whenever this time, my grandmother always recalls the things we did when we were young, and then laments that we are now grown up, laughing at herself that she is still alive, sometimes sighing, saying "Oh, I don't know when to die!" Can you still eat the rice, it seems that you can't die for the time being! Whenever this happens, I will look at my grandmother's old face, stroke her hand, and silently say in my heart, "Grandma, when I am fifty years old, you will die again!" ”
Have you ever thought of Grandma's hard work...
For the feelings of grandma, from the bottom of my heart, it is impossible to describe in words, when I was studying at Yanda University, every time I went home, I had to stay at my grandmother's house for one night, and I would go home the next day. So much so that in the first two or three years of work, I still have to go to my grandmother's house at night! The most profound memory is that every New Year's Day, I will stay at my grandmother's house at night, I will drink the steaming wine made by my grandmother in the evening of Chinese New Year's Eve, the morning of the first day of the New Year, eat my favorite New Year's tea and rice Cen Zi powder, recall the life at that time, it is really absurd, every day to sleep until eleven or twelve o'clock at noon, at the urging of grandma, only to get up to eat, now there is no blessing at that time, at the latest sleep until ten o'clock in the morning can no longer sleep.
Grandma's original name was Hu Cunhua, should have been born in 1921, when China was a turbulent era, the Communist Party was born in this year, with my life experience, I can't imagine the appearance of people's life in Yulin City at that time, and now I only know what the sixth floor arcade street, south tower north platform and other aspects of Yulin ancient architecture, and really to grasp the real state of life in people's hearts, I am afraid that even those old scholars in Yulin are not easy to find the answer. However, material scarcity and poverty were the portrayal of people's lives at that time, and even after liberation, people's lives were very miserable! I don't know when Grandma and Grandpa got married, but I heard Dad say that Grandma had ten children in succession, and finally only four children, my two aunts, Dad and Second Dad, and later, Grandma and Grandpa worked hard to raise them to adulthood.
Have you ever remembered the warm picture of spending time with him...
Time came to November 3, 1975, I came to this world, when Grandma was about 54 years old, it was an age from middle age to old age, for my arrival, I think Grandma must be very happy, because in addition to me and my brother, Grandma has no grandchildren, you think, one grandson is all over the place, the other is waiting to be fed, and they are all boys, can Grandma not like it? I began to remember when I was five years old, the earliest thing in my memory is probably the day of my grandfather's funeral, and there is still a picture in my mind, the aunt and the mother-in-law are standing in the house where my grandmother lives crying, I stand timidly at the door and look at them, I can still really remember the picture of the aunt taking off her glasses and shedding tears because of tears, when I was five years old, my grandfather left, so that there was no memory of getting along with my grandfather in my mind... I just remember a group of people carrying wreaths, and I don't know who was holding and crying. One day in the Spring Festival in 2011, Grandma probably remembered my grandfather, and when she saw me, she said slowly and sadly: Hey, when your grandfather was dying, he told me that you have to greet the pair of dolls well! Suddenly, my heart was hot, and my thoughts of my grandfather came to mind! I thought, how nice It would be if Grandpa could live to this day!
I tried to recall the memories of my childhood with my grandmother, but found that some of the memories were so sporadic and vague, but behind the sporadic and vague there was no lack of truth and warmth! I recalled about three or four days, and found that the earliest memories of my grandmother were actually derived from a childhood experience of "being afraid and afraid", when my parents often quarreled, whenever they quarreled, it was also the time when my state of mind was the most "miserable", I would stand in the alley, fold my hands, swing in all directions, pray to the gods of the four sides to bless my parents from quarreling, and then walked to my grandmother's house in a low mood, at night, my parents were still arguing, my grandmother hugged me, shed tears, murmured complaints: "Oh! Donkey day's people shout, put the doll afraid! I raised my head and said sadly to Grandma, "Grandma, if you become the Jade Emperor, you can bless those who don't fight!" "Then grandma's crying... This scene is so real that I can't control my feelings at this moment, yes, on a gloomy afternoon, the grandchildren and grandchildren are "dependent on each other", and the body and mind are also suffering, this "tragic" memory is my earliest warm memory of my grandmother!
The south gate is not far from my home, when I was young, my grandmother would often take me to this area to play, then the south gate was equivalent to the current square, after dinner, many people would come here to walk around, the children were always very hungry, at that time people's living standards, there were not so many toys to buy for the children now, therefore, buying a popsicle or jelly beanie is the children's greatest pleasure, that is the same, shouting for grandma to buy this and buy that, but in most cases, grandma will not buy for me, the hardships of life, Let Grandma get into the habit of over-saving! I remember one summer night, my grandmother and I came to the south gate again, I found an old man selling melons, shouting for grandma to buy melons for me to eat, grandma struggled with me, and the old man made a good price, bought four or five melons, looking at the ripe melons, I was very happy, Grandma picked up a melon, broke open from the middle, Ma Li threw the melon seeds out, handed them to my mouth, followed by a crisp and pleasant chewing sound, Grandma looked at me, smiled happily... This scene is forever frozen in my mind, simple, ordinary but so unforgettable.
Have you ever thought about how much grievance and heartache she has...
With the passage of time, Grandma's body is not as good as before, in 2005, Grandma was sick, stayed in a hospital, Grandma's four children discussed it, planning to take Grandma to their respective homes in turn to live, since then, Grandma began to "send people under the fence" life, this year Grandma is 85 years old, but, to be fair, Grandma's children are very filial piety, whether it is eating, wearing, living, or taking medicine and injections, are properly arranged, plus, Grandma's body is not bad, the family is up and down, happy and harmonious, Sometimes, with our support, Grandma came to the place where he had lived, and talked to the old neighbors, and Grandma had a very clear memory, which often surprised the old neighbors! Every time, when Grandma lived in my house, I tried my best to take Grandma to a place she was familiar with when I was resting, like Grandma's age, the past was more down-to-earth and missed than now, and whenever I met an old acquaintance, Grandma came to the spirit, as if she was suddenly ten years younger!
In recent years, Grandma's body is good and bad, sometimes can not get out of bed, urination can only be completed with our help, once, there is no one at home, Grandma herself after urinating, because of the old hand, actually poured the urine on the bed, I did not even realize, after I came back, full of stink, can't help but be angry with Grandma, Grandma is still stubborn not to admit, I angrily helped Grandma to the chair, to change the sheets, Grandma found something at this time, Mu Ne's expression with a little guilt and self-blame, I suddenly found tears swirling in my grandmother's eye circles, and my grandmother looked at me foolishly, as if begging for my forgiveness, my heart trembled, and the resentment disappeared, and my grandmother said to herself: "Oh, not dead, what are you doing alive!" I changed the sheets, helped Grandma to the bed, poured a cup of hot water, handed it to Grandma's hand, Grandma raised her head, and slowly said: "Still Grandma's grandson, don't hate me!" Then took a sip of water, looked at me, and smiled!
My thoughts suddenly brought me back to twenty years ago, in the years when I was in junior high school and high school, at night, I still lived with my grandmother, and during the winter vacation and summer vacation, I often went to my grandmother's house, and now I think back to my life as a teenager, which gives me the feeling of not being innocent and carefree, always having a lot of melancholy colors, melancholy what? I don't know, and one thing is for sure, in Grandma's house, this situation will be greatly alleviated, Grandma was in her own yard, raising cats to feed chickens, and I like these small animals very much, in my image, Grandma fed cats many times, and every time, the cats either lost or died due to eating too much meat, I remember I often asked Grandma, cats eat meat, how can they eat succulents and die? Grandma told me that if the cat eats too much meat, it will turn the intestines, which is the so-called "cat intestines", until now, I still don't understand what the "cat intestines" are all about.
I remember in the winter, whenever my grandmother and I slept, my grandmother fed the cat to my bedside, "meow", I opened a corner, the cat burrowed in, the tail was a plate, lying under my chest, I stroked the cat's furry body, listening to its exhalation, comfortable began to sleep, whenever this happened, Grandma would wake up and ask me, what about the cat? When she found the cat in my bed, she would unceremoniously grab the cat's tail and throw it to the ground several times a night until I fell into a deep sleep. I've asked grandma many times, isn't the cat just trying to be warm, why not let it sleep with me? Every time, Grandma always asked and didn't answer. Many years later, I did not understand the reason, a few years ago, when I was about thirty years old, when I was bored, I suddenly thought of this matter, suddenly understood the reason, made me laugh, Grandma is not afraid of the cat in the middle of the night when he wakes up, eat my "chicken"! Nowadays, everyone lives in the unit, there are fewer people feeding cats and dogs, and these warm memories are probably only echoing in their heads.
Grandma suffers from diabetes, fortunately in the treatment of the method, there are no complications, these years, due to the decline in body immunity, at the end of last year there was a refractory diabetic foot, as long as the body moves, it will cause leg pain, every night do not take sleeping pills, you can not sleep, always chanting, do not want to live, once, I took a bottle of sleeping pills, and Grandma joked, Grandma, don't you want to live? After eating this, I walked quietly, and Grandma's eyes lit up, saying, Eat this and really die? I nodded, Grandma said seriously, then you give this to Grandma, Grandma in the black (late night) quietly eat, no one knows! I looked at Grandma's serious expression, I put the medicine in the place where only me and my father found, every night, we took two pills for Grandma to eat, indeed, the pain caused by the aging of the body deprived Grandma of the right to live a healthy life, while chanting and moaning, in fact, I know that Grandma is still nostalgic, after all, there are still many people and things to be attached to!
Grandma due to sick foot, lived in the hospital for a week, after being discharged home, actually recovered a lot, the amount of food also increased, they can also turn over and sit upright, these are not due to the doctor's medicine to get rid of the disease, I see or grandma's mood changes caused, every morning and evening, dad is for grandma to put on the medicine, Niangniang also often came to visit Grandma, ask this and that, Grandma got great comfort, good health a lot, the previous irritability, complaining a lot less, long lost smiley face also appeared on Grandma's old face...
In my memory, when my grandmother got along with me, I always recalled his experience of raising us with hard work, at that time, the whole family lived on the meager income of my grandfather, and my grandmother in order to subsidize the family, she went to the local carpet factory to spin threads, and every time she went to the carpet factory, she either carried her brother or carried me, and she came and went in the wind and rain, and suffered the hardships of life, but this experience, I did not have any memory, and today's carpet factory disappeared in the storm of the times, leaving only the dilapidated factory. Sometimes when I pass there, I am still curious to go in and walk around, looking at the scene full of memory scars, I try to artificially imagine my grandmother and my every move, is the corner of the factory building, is it the place where my grandmother once held me? Is the diminutive toilet next to the factory building where my grandmother took me to urinate? In the miserable staff canteen, is the dusty stone bench a warm harbor when the grandchildren are fed?。。。。。。 Although I have no memories of the past, that feeling of emotion and sincerity has always reverberated around me, stirring my emotions and making me sad and sad. I naively thought, how nice it would be if there was a time machine, go back in time, see the grandmother of the past, the past me...
From the current physical condition of grandma, if there is no sudden disease, I estimate that living for another ten years is not a problem, then grandma is 101 years old, I am not close to a few years old on 50, Chinese there is an old saying, called the coffin of the coffin, although the grandmother is still early from the coffin, but this theory can be determined, an ordinary Chinese woman living in poverty, hardship, with her own tenacity, hard work to feed her children and grandchildren, she used her body to support our family, let our life be peaceful and peaceful, She deserves nothing more than our family! That's what I think of Grandma.
As I typed these words, Grandma was sleeping peacefully, and above my computer desk, there were sleeping pills that Grandma would take every day, and I suddenly thought, how would my children and grandchildren treat me when I was old and weak? If I had a situation like Grandma, I would be truly thankful! However, in case of encountering "unworthy children", "full" to take a sleeping pill, to follow grandma and parents underground, it is not a happy choice.
In the trance of memories, I wrote these words intermittently, dedicated to my dear grandmother and all the elderly people in the world, I wish them health and longevity, and old age!
Grandma, even if you are gone, I still hope that we will often see each other in our dreams...