In order to provide parents with special family education guidance during special periods, the All-China Women's Federation has launched the "Special Tutors in Special Periods" WeChat column, where parents can learn family education knowledge through family education micro-lessons.

Intergenerational parenting is divided, who should be the protagonist of family education? (Special Tutor 895 Issue)

This article is authorized to be reproduced from the public number: parents must read (ID: fumubidu01)

01

Generational parenting, happy and harmonious or contradictory?

The arrival of the child has turned the original family of two into three generations together, and the ancestors have joined the family with new identities and roles. It is also a family raised in alternate generations, but why do some families have the same family and harmony, and the elderly enjoy the process of taking children; but some families are constantly contradictory, and the elderly and young parents feel very wronged?

At this point, it is very important to handle the interpersonal relationships between family members. Good interpersonal relationships in the family contribute to the harmony of the whole family. So, how to deal with interpersonal relationships in intergenerational parenting families? Young parents and the elderly need to work together.

1. Young parents should know how to be grateful

Parents are the first responsible person for their children, which is a clear understanding that young parents should recognize. Grandparents only helped take care of the children, but it was not their responsibility and obligation.

They have raised their children and should have enjoyed their old age, so that when their grandparents come to the family to help take care of the children, the young parents must first thank the old man for his efforts.

2. Be more tolerant and understanding of the elderly

In families raising children from generation to generation, they are usually faced with interpersonal relationships between three generations.

The generation of grandparents, the generation of young parents, the generation of children, these three generations of growth backgrounds are different, ideological concepts will inevitably be different, in daily life, each other need more tolerance and understanding. Especially for many elderly people, they come from their hometown to the home of their children in big cities, on the one hand, they are far away from their relatives and friends in their hometowns, and they feel lonely inside; on the other hand, they are very unfamiliar with the way of life of big cities and young children, and they feel at a loss.

Therefore, in daily life, while young parents express gratitude, they should also stand more in the perspective of the elderly, respect them, and understand their difficulties and hardships.

3. The elderly also need to understand the young

The elderly should also understand that in the modern social environment, young parents bear great pressure on work and family support.

In the process of helping to take care of children, if the elderly can carry out with a mentality of "I can help the point, they work very hard", the elderly themselves will feel relaxed and happy.

4. Clarify the role of the family

Everyone has their own role and position in society, and the same is true in the family. In the generation-skipping family, the elderly need to understand that the main body of childbirth, parenting, and education of children should be his parents, and the elderly are helping.

When there is a disagreement in the process of raising a child, the elderly can play a role of advice, reminder and assistance, but the final decision should still be made by the child's parents.

5. Bright thinking first

In the generations of getting along, if you can see more of each other's advantages, then the atmosphere in the family will be more harmonious.

For example, every month the whole family holds regular family meetings, family members praise each other's advantages, in such an environment, we will find a lot of other family members that we usually do not notice the shining points.

02

What should I do if there is a contradiction in daily chores?

As we mentioned above, if there is a disagreement in the process of taking children, especially about the decision of some major matters of the child, if the grandparents and young parents can clearly define their role positioning, many times they can avoid contradictions.

But more often, contradictions occur in the process of daily chores, so how do we deal with them?

1. The elderly also need to keep learning

With the change of the times and the development of society, the concept and method of parenting are also constantly changing, and in the process of raising grandchildren, the elderly also need to try to slowly understand and accept modern parenting concepts and methods. In addition, some courses can be offered to grandparents in schools to provide them with learning opportunities and achieve home-school co-education.

2. Be patient and reason with the elderly

Whether it is a young parent or a grandparent, the healthy growth of children is our common goal. When the practice is not consistent, young parents should learn to patiently reason with the elderly, rather than blindly accusing and complaining. Understand that the elderly are actually for the good of the children, but the method is different from what we recognize in modern times.

Moreover, their understanding and knowledge background are limited, if we can patiently reason with them, in line with the common goal of good for the children, I believe that the elderly can also understand and accept.

3. Resolve through family meetings

Many times young parents will feel that the elderly are too doting on their children and let their children have no rules.

It is suggested that the whole family can hold regular family meetings for these things, at which everyone sits down and discusses calmly, how to help the child, how to do it is really good for the child, and then make provisions on some details in life, and then the whole family must follow the regulations in the future.

4. Dialectical view of the elderly

As a young parent, there are more opportunities to contact the modern scientific parenting concept, but don't think that the older generation's ideas and concepts are wrong and backward.

There are also many precious virtues and lifestyles in the generation of ancestors that are worth learning and inheriting from generation to generation, such as hard work and simplicity, cherishing food, not spending money indiscriminately, etc., so whether it is the generation of grandparents or the generation of young parents, they must understand and learn from each other.

03

Help the elderly to live a happy old age!

The benefits of generational parenting are actually many, especially now that our country has introduced a three-child policy, the help and support of grandparents has solved the worries of young parents and given them the most solid backing.

However, the grandparents are actually facing various pressures and challenges, and it is recommended that young parents should also understand the hardships and difficulties of the elderly and help them live a happy old age!

1. Don't use the elderly as babysitters

We must be grateful for the efforts of the elderly, and in daily life, we must be more considerate of the elderly and respect the elderly. Understand that raising children is the responsibility of parents, the elderly are just helping, do not use the elderly as a nanny.

2. Let the elderly have personal space

When young parents are free, they should also help the elderly to do more things, so that the elderly have the opportunity to relax and rest.

For example, usually go home from work to help the elderly do housework, so that the elderly can also have their own time to do what they want to do after a day of fatigue; on holidays, take the elderly out to relax and travel.

Through these methods, the elderly can also feel respect and happiness in this family.

04

Small advice for grandparents

In intergenerational parenting, what can the elderly do to make themselves feel more relaxed and comfortable? Here we also have some small suggestions for our ancestors.

1. Clarify your position in the family

Raising children is the responsibility of parents rather than the elderly, in the process of parenting, for some things, the elderly can give advice, but the final decision is still up to the child's parents.

2. Learn to love yourself

When disagreeing with young people, don't get overly entangled and let yourself relax.

3. Give yourself some space

The old man must also have his own time and space. For example, on weekends and holidays, consider giving your children to young parents, enjoying the time yourself, and doing what you love.

4. Ancestors should also establish the concept of lifelong learning and lifelong growth

Learn from young children and even from grandchildren and granddaughters, let yourself happily adapt to the times, and have a positive and optimistic attitude.

05

Exciting interaction between live broadcasts

Q1: If there is already a gap in intergenerational parenting, how to communicate with the elderly?

General barriers can be considered using the methods we mentioned earlier, such as family meetings, highlight thinking to communicate.

However, if it reaches a more serious level, it is necessary to seek help from a third party for adjustment. For example, adjustment by relatives or through the community.

Q2: If there is a conflict between parents and grandparents, who should they listen to?

The question is not about who to listen to, but about who is right.

But take into account the role positioning we mentioned earlier. The elderly are more of a suggestion, as a young parent to listen to the advice of the elderly, the final decision on the issue of the child should be decided by the parents.

Q3: If there is already a gap in intergenerational parenting, how to communicate with the elderly? When the child is young, is it better for the parents to bring it, or is it better for the elders to bring it?

Mom and Dad belt. Especially before the child is 3 years old, there are many critical periods that need to be experienced, and the company of parents is very important. In addition, the attachment relationship is the relationship that the child experiences earliest, and the quality of the attachment relationship will also affect the child's future personality, interpersonal relationships and other aspects.

Q4: We are the older generation, when we think that the child is doing something wrong, we can fight, and now the concept may be different, but if the child really does something wrong, what should I do?

Scolding is certainly not allowed. But if the child makes a serious mistake, we can take appropriate punitive measures, and punishment is not the same as scolding. Educating children requires sincere praise, well-meaning criticism, and prudent punishment.

First, sincere praise. Praise your child a lot and encourage your child. But praise should be concrete, not abstractly saying "you're awesome," "You're so nice." For example, praise the child: "You made your own school bag very clean today, it is very good", "Today your mother did not call you, you can get up on time, it is really good."

Second, well-intentioned criticism. When criticizing children, you can first affirm and then educate. For example: "It's good that you did this today, and it would be even better if you could do anything!" ”

Third, the punishment of prudence. If some serious mistakes are involved, such as aggressive behavior, it requires some punishment for the child. First of all, let the child know that he has done something wrong;

Next, tell him what he did wrong and how to do it right; after the child admits his mistake, tell him that he should bear the corresponding punishment for doing something wrong.

The best punishment is to deprive him of what he wants most, such as what he wants to eat the most, the toy he wants the most, and what he wants to do the most.

As the saying goes, there is an old family, such as a treasure. No matter how different the lifestyles and educational concepts of the younger generation and the grandparents are, the love for children is the same for the two generations. With a grateful heart with your parents, life will become happier.

The source of this article: "Parents Must Read" magazine, the honorary brand of the National Journal Award, is committed to the professional parenting support of 0 to 6 years old, welcome to pay attention to the Parents Must Read WeChat public account (lDfumubidu01).

Source: Parents must read

Image source: Photo.com