Elders with babies is really a controversial, highly complained and unavoidable topic of our time. Especially for new parents, the elders always guide them with the attitude of passing people, but many concepts and ideas are outdated and unscientific. To this end, there are always all kinds of parenting wars around the children in the family.
No, I saw a news item on the Internet: "A grandmother in Changsha scraped a 10-month-old baby and caused his face to fester."
After the 10-month-old baby girl coughed repeatedly, and after seeking medical treatment and taking cough and asthma medicine, the grandmother was distressed by her granddaughter, so she used a silver ring and egg whites to scrape the child's forehead area for treatment, causing the baby's face to fester. At present, the baby is still under further observation and treatment in the hospital. Doctors remind: The treatment method needs to vary from person to person, and the body is not suitable for timely medical treatment.
Of course, Grandma is also a kind heart, but the consequences are very serious.
There are many cases of similar elderly people treating children with folk remedies. A grandmother applied rat boiling oil to her child's skin to treat burns, which eventually led to an infection and the child was admitted to the intensive care unit.
Obviously, the child was only burned, and he was directly sent to the intensive care unit.
The elders were kind enough to treat the child, but because they blindly believed in folk remedies, they harmed the child.
There are also babies with red butts, and the elderly will say that they use sand, make sand pants for children, or sleep directly on the sand. In this way, the baby pulls the urine, will not get on the body, all absorbed by the sand, parents only need to clean up the dirty sand.
However, there are more bacteria in the sandy soil, and the harmful substances left in the soil will exist for many years and are not easy to remove. Now that science and technology are so developed and the medical level is also very high, there are many ways to cure the baby's red fart, which is much cleaner and more hygienic than the sand. Why use these remedies that may harm your child?
According to the "Survey Report on the Participation of Grandparents in Family Education in Urban China" by the Family Education Professional Committee of the China Education Association, nearly 80% of families are involved in parenting. Among them, 77.7% before kindergarten, 72.9% during kindergarten, and 60.1% in primary school, accounting for a very high proportion.
In order to work well, a large number of young parents have no choice but to ask their parents to help raise the next generation, so that the elders can become the "main force" with children. However, in the process of the elders taking the baby, there are also various conflicts and contradictions, for example, when we educate our children, we will hear the elders say this:
You were also raised by me before, isn't it just as good? Eating is a blessing, and children must eat more to grow a body... He's still so young and doesn't understand things, what are you scolding him for. I eat more salt than you eat, so that's fine... Sometimes the elders with the baby is really annoying and helpless. The main reason why elderly children often cause family conflicts and conflicts is the inconsistency of educational concepts and the lack of smooth communication.
In addition to the superstition of the elderly about various folk remedies, soil methods, the biggest problem of generational parenting may be the doting of the elderly on children.
Family education is about being gentle and firm, and once unprincipled pampering occurs, all firmness is meaningless.
Old people doting on children generally have three psychological states:
The first is the psychology of compensation. At that time, for some reason, he did not treat his children well, and now that he has a grandson, he must make up for it, even if he knows that some things are not good for his children, but as long as the children are willing, the old man is omnipotent.
The second is ignorance. This kind of old man can be described as very silly and simple, only feeling that he is good to his grandson, completely unaware that this is coddling, and even less able to understand what bad consequences will be brought.
The third is the psychology of being recognized. The old man needs a certain position in this big family, hopes to get a kind of recognition, and the grandson is naturally the object of his solicitation, so at all costs, even if he stands against the daughter-in-law, he must use this bottomless way to get the child's like and recognition.
# How to resolve the contradiction of inconsistent parenting concepts #
Family members all have a common purpose, which is to let children grow up healthily. Grandma hopes that the child is healthy and happy, and the mother hopes that the child is independent and strong, there is no contradiction in things, but it makes a lot of noise, the main reason is that the method is not appropriate.
First of all, the mother must understand that the child's education is the business of the whole family. Many mothers shoulder the heavy responsibility of educating their babies, and it is easy to take this matter into their own hands for a long time, so in reality, it is common for anxious mothers and fathers who throw their hands in charge, which are not the correct concept of family education.
Moms should learn to delegate authority and let other family members take responsibility.
For example, the elderly are responsible for the child's food and clothing, the father is responsible for sports and games, the mother is responsible for culture and travel, everyone is very important for the child, for the adult can find their own position, the elderly naturally do not need to use coddling to win the child to find recognition, the contradiction is naturally halved.
Secondly, in the face of existing contradictions, mothers should learn to use external forces and not be stubborn.
1. Borrow the power of Bao Dad
In the normal family ranking, the position of the father is in an important position of carrying on the top and the bottom, take the child to drink more yogurt as an example,
If the grandmother has to give the child a drink, the mother first calm down and don't stop it, and then wait for the baby to come back, tell him why you are not allowed to drink yogurt for the child anymore, and then the baby father will go to negotiate with the old man.
2. Borrow the power of the family as a whole
When the child's problem can not be solved, call all family members to hold a family meeting, discuss how to treat the child's problem, take drinking yogurt as an example, at night after the child goes to bed, Bao Dad Zhang Luo adults sit down to discuss together, on the matter, discuss how many yogurts a day the child drinks is more appropriate, each say their own ideas, the mother at this time can boldly say the disadvantages of drinking more yogurt for the baby, or what should be done to the child's wayward requirements, and finally develop a solution, if it is determined to drink two a day , one early and one late, everyone supervises the implementation together.
3, with the help of the power of the network
Some old people are obsessed with it very deeply, Bao Dad's words do not work, and family meetings are not willing to open, so let the old people listen to the authoritative people. Mothers send the family education articles and videos they usually see to the elderly, and the elderly themselves will analyze the stakes of the problem and fill in their ignorance of educating children.
Can doing this completely solve the problem of intergenerational parenting?
Thoughts? No way!
Even if there is an agreement on the issue of children, there will be other family conflicts!
But if we always expect old people to get better and better, to become what we expect, it is almost impossible. Unless it is an enlightened old man, then the contradiction mentioned above does not exist.
Therefore, what needs to grow is us, since we need the help of the elderly, then we must become a person who can accept the advantages and disadvantages, pin hope on ourselves, learn more emotional management methods, learn communication skills, so that the probability of success will be higher.