"The New York Times" once published a "15 questions before marriage", whether it is possible to get married, the United States couples will first ask each other 15 questions, so today I add a few more questions closer to the current situation of marriage and love in our country, temporarily called the first 30 questions:
1. Where is the purchase of the marriage house, and has the two parties reached a unified consensus? What is the proportion of marriage contribution? Is it full payment or loan? How to repay the loan, who will repay it, and how long? Do parents need funding in full or with a down payment, and how much is the funding? Whose name is written on the title deed?
2. Do you feel that the property before marriage has anything to do with the other party? Do you want to sign a prenuptial agreement?
3. How much is the bride price? Can't give it? How much is the dowry? Mind no? What do you mean by yourself or what your parents mean? Will the dowry and dowry that was taken out end up being used for the establishment of a small family?
4. Who is mainly responsible for housework after marriage? What if I don't want to or can't do it? Who is responsible for cleaning, who is responsible for cooking, who is responsible for washing dishes after meals, and are the hygiene habits consistent?
5. Who is mainly responsible for earning money and supporting the family after marriage? (i.e. bear higher economic pressure) wages paid? Or do they spend their own? Who holds the financial power of the family? Who listens when the two sides disagree on major spending? Can you have your own small vault? More than what value of the purchase must be approved by the partner?
6. Can the consumption concepts of the two sides match? If one party saves money and the other spends a lot of money, can each other respect and accept each other's consumption habits? Is there a collector's hobby of extravagant money-burning?
7. Do you want to live in the world of two after marriage? How long does it take? Do you want children? When to have children? How many children do you want? What should you do if both parents express dissatisfaction and forcibly interfere with you if you do not want to have children? Is there a preference for sons in the family? Do you have to have a son?
8. What will you do if your parents are still dissatisfied with your partner before marriage? What do you do if your parents are tough enough to prevent you from getting married? Will you still get married if you never get the blessing of your parents?
9. When the child is 0-3 years old, who will bring it? If the conditions do not allow the babysitter, can I accept a resignation at home with a baby? What if parenting concepts conflict? Can children be handed over to elders to bring? What if the parenting concepts of the elders conflict with you? How does the child's education model during schooling between the ages of 6-18 and if the division of labor? What are the respective responsibilities of parents in family education?
10. How to view the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? How to deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
11. Are there any brothers and sisters? What about family relationships? Can you accept each other's families, respect and accept each other's relatives?
12. Do I want to live with my parents after marriage? If the parents are old and old, how to solve the problem of old age? Willing to live with both parents? How to deal with conflicts with both parents in terms of living habits?
13. If one person needs to leave his or her family location and accompany another person to work in the field, can he do so? Willing to give up your career and do your best to support each other's careers? To what extent can I give up for the sake of family stability?
14. Is sex life harmonious? Can each other be honest about their sexual needs and preferences? Have you ever determined the sexual orientation of both parties? Have you ever confessed your family genetic history, and your own history of illness?
15. Is there a history of leg splitting? What do you think of partner cheating? What is each other's definition and bottom line for infidelity? Which is more unacceptable, spiritual infidelity or physical infidelity? What if one party cheats on himself? What should I do if I cheat after having a child? Are the two sides in agreement?
16. What are the most unacceptable shortcomings in me? What's the most unbearable problem with my family?
17. If one party has difficulty in childbearing, will the marriage continue? If a child is born with a congenital disorder, is there enough courage and confidence to face and solve the problem together?
18) What is something you will never give up because of marriage? Do you have a career plan for yourself?
19. Do you like and respect all of each other's friends? What if I don't like one of my friends? What will happen to you if you associate with a friend you don't like?
20. Can you accept that the other party has friends of the opposite sex after marriage? Where is the yardstick for socializing with friends of the opposite sex? Where is the acceptance of each other's social lives?
21. What is the acceptable length of quarrel? Are you willing to give the other person a step down first? Will you go directly to the other party to communicate? Will it be cold? What would you do if the other person refused to communicate? Do you feel like you're avoidant or anxious?
22. Whose house did you go to for the New Year? What if both parents want both to go back for the New Year? What if your partner has a problem with your parents? What if the parents are at odds?
23. What is the definition of marital responsibility? To what extent do you think you can contribute and contribute to your family? Can you be honest with your partner, not lying and not cheating? What do you think love should look like? What should marriage look like? What is the difference between the two?
24. What are your shortcomings? What do you think are your shortcomings in the other person's eyes? Are you willing to correct your shortcomings in order to get married? What are the shortcomings you can't change? What are some that you don't think the other person can change? Can you accept that the other person doesn't change?
25. What are our plans for the next 5 years? What are our savings goals? What is our long-term goal?
26. Do we have a clear understanding of each other's spiritual needs and beliefs? What kind of person does the other person want to be? What kind of personality does the other person want? What is the definition of kindness in the eyes of the other party, and what is the definition of success? Do you agree with his outlook on life and values?
27 Can we really treat each other's complaints and ideas fairly? When both parties are tired from work for a day and have negative emotions, can they still take into account each other's feelings? Will you listen to the other person's troubles and help him relieve his emotions?
28. Can you accept your partner's ordinariness and lack of motivation? Can I accept a certain period of time in a different place? Can you calmly tell the other party about the behavior that you can't accept, and the behavior that the other party has done that makes you hate?
29. Do you have common interests? Can you appreciate each other's interests? What if the other person's preference is something you hate? Does it feel boring when you don't have anything to talk about?
30) Are we confident in facing any challenge in marriage and moving forward?
These questions are mixed with some realistic considerations, but they are only a reference, and many people do not have to get a good answer to dare to get married, but before marriage, two people must be honest.
The so-called ugly words are in front, and what is talked about is the attitude, not the standard answer.
Marriage is a partnership relationship, with these answers, and then weigh to see if the other party can meet the needs of their own daughter-in-law or marriage, whether they will touch their own bottom line, so that they can better understand whether the three views of the two sides are compatible, and whether the relationship can be established stably.
Whether a marriage can be happy and long-lasting, it is indispensable to consider the practical factors, if you insist on the influencing factors of marriage, I think it is the economic foundation + spiritual needs satisfaction + business skills.
The economic basis is money, poor and lowly couples Pepsi lament, no money marriage can not last, as for how much money is enough, as long as the two sides can reach an agreement, feel that the two people's earning ability is enough, after all, the poor and poor way of life, the basic needs of important two people can be met.
Spiritual needs are love, marriage without feelings is an empty shell, a few people do not like to get married, perhaps because the interests of two people are tied together, long-term may be long-lasting, but it is impossible to be happy.
Business skills need to be constantly learned, which is generally based on love, communication, empathy, empathy, understanding, etc. are essential in marriage. Entering marriage, love is no longer nothing, chai rice oil and salt will consume feelings, if you keep your feelings over and over again in the tedious married life, not to be defeated by reality, it is something to learn before marriage.
All in all, there is money, love, patience, high emotional intelligence, plus do not have too high premarital expectations, marriage has a greater chance of lasting, polish the eyes before marriage, if the other party is far from their expectations, then it is necessary to enter the marriage cautiously.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C