Author ┃ Dong Yiying Read aloud ┃ Dong Yiying
Edited by ┃丄学号 Chaired by Liang Shanbo
In the past two days, there is a problem in Zhihu: the child is very mediocre and very disappointed, how to adjust to the positive face? In just one day, it rushed to the fourth place in the Zhihu hot list, with 6.81 million heat.
Zhihu shouted out what most parents want to say: Who can accept that their children are mediocre?
In the adult world, not only to accept their own mediocrity but also to accept the mediocrity of children? But the world is so big, ordinary people account for the vast majority.
I can accept that I am mediocre, but my children are not excellent or even particularly mediocre, which is probably unacceptable to most parents. As a result, "chicken baby" and "inner volume" have gradually become hot words on the Internet.
With the vigorous implementation of the "double reduction", the parents' ideas are more realistic: "double reduction" gives me the reason to "lie flat", but I do not have the courage to "lie flat".
Seeing that other people's children come home early from school to make rolls and go to interest classes, which parent can lie down and watch their children play at will?
01
Parents are for the good of their children
Yesterday, I had dinner with my girlfriend who was an elementary school teacher. During the chat, she told me about something.
A 7-year-old girl in their class pestered her after school in the afternoon not to leave: "Teacher, please, give me some homework, the more the better." "This is the most serious and obedient child in the class, and the teachers like her very much."
The girlfriend touched her little face lovingly: "The teacher knows that you love to learn, but now double subtraction, we have no homework in the first grade, go home and read with my mother, do games, and go to bed early?" ”
The child suddenly burst into tears: "Teacher, I am dying of exhaustion." My mom enrolled me in 5 interest classes, and as soon as school was over, I was going to take piano lessons, and I didn't want to go, I'd rather write homework..."
The girlfriend was very surprised to hear it, and quickly learned about the situation with the parents, and the child's mother said: "My father and I have no ability in this life." Now even if you smash the pot and sell iron, you must also cultivate your children into top-notch talents. We can't let the child go our way again, teacher, you can rest assured, the child is small and does not understand things, and it is time to thank us when he grows up. ”
Afterwards, the girlfriend did a survey in the class and found that there were 42 students in a class, and the parents of 38 children reported 3-5 interest classes, and the content was even more colorful, including instrumental music, taekwondo, calligraphy, English, dance and so on.
The children all said that they had to go to class after school, practice every day when they came home, and had to run to several places on weekends to attend classes, which was much busier than at school.
Double subtraction was originally to reduce the burden on children, so that children have more time to do what they like and improve their overall quality. But the expectations of parents for their children make them anxious, thinking that the school is no longer in charge, and we have to start managing.
This kind of management method makes the child's interest become a burden, and gradually loses the enthusiasm for learning, which is counterproductive.
Parents are under the banner of "I am all for the good of the child", the real inner monologue is: I can be mediocre, but I can not accept my child mediocre, I want to do my best to cultivate my child to be excellent, I can not let the child be like us in the future.
It is all for the child's good obsession, so that they unconsciously join the army of "inner volume", resulting in greater pressure on the child and more prominent contradictions with parents.
02
Children are also happy if they are mediocre
Professor Li Meijin, a famous psychologist who is known as a "parenting expert". In the eyes of ordinary people, such an excellent professional woman has a high level of parenting theory, and her profession is to study psychology.
Think straight: Her children must be excellent.
In fact, her daughter has mediocre grades, and has been as rebellious as ordinary children, and has grown up to be an ordinary primary school teacher. But Professor Li said: I don't think I am not a successful mother.
Children grow up healthy, have a positive and sunny personality, and can feel the beauty of life. Isn't that also blissful?
How could such a good mother accept that her children were so mediocre? We are not as good as Professor Li Meijin, why can't we accept the mediocrity of our children? Are mediocre children really unhappy?
Perhaps, in the eyes of many people, a nationally renowned professor child is an ordinary teacher, and it is not a glorious thing to accept at least. But ordinary does not mean that there is no work, ordinary but happy life, but also a pursuit.
As we pour chicken soup into ourselves and our children every day, there is a cruel truth that we must be aware of: 99% of children will eventually go to mediocrity. For 99% of parents, we end up with a mediocre child when we try our best.
Think about our parents and look at our current selves. Just know that this reality is real. There is nothing wrong with expecting our children to be excellent, but it is more important to accept that our children are mediocre.
Although the mediocrity of children will disappoint us, even mediocre children are also the treasures of parents. In order for the child to grow up healthier and sunnier, you may wish to try to accept the mediocrity of your children, which is more important than forcing your children to become excellent.
We should understand that mediocrity does not mean no success, there are very few people in the world who can stand out in the crowd, instead of setting an unattainable goal for the child, it is better to focus on the child himself, not to compare with others, only to compare with the child himself, to explore his strengths.
03
Let your child be your pride
Every parent has a perfect child living in the depths of his heart, and we try to follow this standard to educate our children and make him look like him.
But reality does not exactly follow your assumptions, and children do not know what they will encounter in their growing life. Parents can only accept the mediocrity of their children and firmly believe that the child must have a day when he is proud of him.
Two days ago, the large-scale variety show "Mamma Mia" came to a special mother and son, and the son suffered from mild cerebral palsy.
When he was 8 years old, he was hinted at by the school to transfer to a special education school because the teacher felt that he was "mentally retarded".
His mother did not feel this way, and said to her son: "The teacher said that you are a mentally disabled child, I think you are the same as other children, but if the teacher thinks so, it will affect your mood and learning." Mom is not going to let you go to school, and I will study with you at home. I believe that you will definitely become a useful person to society. ”
10 years later, the child stood at the center of the stage as a graduate student at Shanghai Jiaotong University, mentioning his mother, who said: "I am especially grateful to my mother for choosing to believe in me instead of the teacher, and since then, I have decided not to live up to her expectations!" Study hard to be a useful person. ”
However, it is not easy for parents to achieve peace of mind, especially busy working mothers, who are usually more likely to be worn out of patience when dealing with their children.
If parents can truly understand their children and can "see" their children's inner emotions and feelings, it is easier to carry out effective parent-child interaction.
Every child has a positive heart, depending on how the parents guide, they all come to the world with our love, not necessarily to get ahead.
Every child will have advantages, as long as you patiently look for it to continue to amplify and enlarge, one day, she will become your pride.
Children are not naturally perfect children, and parents are not 100% perfect parents. Learning to accept a child's mediocrity is the process of pleasing oneself. One day, you will see the light on your child.
04
Good at discovering children's highlights
Parents should be good at observation, reduce the expectations of their children, and do not always compare their children's weaknesses with the strengths of other children, and they will certainly find many advantages in their children.
There are no two leaves in the world that are exactly the same. No one is born to educate children, and there is no such thing as the same child, and there is no model for successful nurturing. Accept the mediocrity of your child and reconcile with yourself. Focus on tapping the shining point of the child, enlarge it, and you can illuminate the child's life.
Everyone's potential is possible to be stimulated, and once it is stimulated, it is a very strong force, and there must be unexpected effects.
Parents accept the child unconditionally, whether he is smart or stupid, unconditionally accept, the child will develop smoothly according to the natural ability, and even more creative and fulfilling than other children.
Look at your child with your admiring eyes and accompany him to become a sunny and confident adult.
On the way forward, we just need to silently look at his back, touch his back when he needs it, and say: Child, in my eyes you are the best.
Author: Dong Yiying, a working woman who accompanies her children to climb slowly on the road of growth. Engaged in education for 20 years, he is a special host of local radio stations.
Appreciation belongs to the author