Wen 丨 Mao Mama Carol
Chatting with my friend the other day, she sent me a Q&A: How do I know if my child is stupid or not?
To be honest, I was vaguely worried about this before my child was born.
Can't see it
When it comes to smart children, the first thought is definitely good grades, and unintelligent children must be bad grades.
I remembered that there was a very classic TV clip (but I've forgotten what it was).
The child scored a score on the test, and the teacher invited the parents over.
The parents are angry, but the teacher says that this shows that the child knows the answer.
Because getting a score when the volume is full is unlikely unless she deliberately avoids all the right answers.
After seeing this plot, my whole thing was a Daigo empowerment.
Now that I think about it, there is still a little bit of logic bug, but it is very enlightening for me to take children:
It's hard for me to judge a child's absolute stupidity or intelligence in terms of performance.
Steven Jobs is arguably a classic example.
As the founder of Apple, his ideas changed the world and affected every aspect of our lives, and the influence continues to this day.
At the age of 25, he became the youngest millionaire in the United States, built Apple's various products with a genius concept, and bought Pixar.
But it is such a person, after overcoming one difficulty after another in life, but fell on the last and most incredible difficulty: pancreatic cancer.
When the malignancy of the pancreas was initially diagnosed, the doctors were thrilled to find that the tumor could be surgically removed, but Jobs refused surgery.
Because he is a Buddhist and a vegetarian.
He was skeptical of medicine, and he was a firm believer in some quirky, non-mainstream treatments: plant capsules, drinking juice, and fasting for long periods of time.
But none of this worked, the tumor even spread beyond the pancreas, and Jobs had to undergo surgery, but it was too late.
Jobs was a genius inventor who did the wrong multiple-choice problem that most of us can do right.
Boiling water in a large pot will be a little slower
Some parents will feel that their children learn things so slowly, others have learned, and how they teach themselves will not be very stupid.
I said it so many times and didn't understand, I don't understand, do the question or do it wrong, is not stupid what?
Excluding some pathological factors, such as dyslexia and the like, most children do not go to a very stupid and stupid level.
I've seen a good analogy, there is a blogger who said that his grades were not good when he was a child, but her mother said that it is just that some pots take longer to boil.
Everyone's pot size is different, and everyone's speed of processing knowledge is also different.
Even if you use any method, pleading, yelling, scolding, cajoling, buying, explaining, and even threatening to punish, can not really make the child's grades better, but will make your relationship worse.
Seriously, it may be because your yelling and scolding will damage your child's brain and leave a psychological shadow, so that it will not be worth the loss.
But any parent who understands the principles of children's learning will understand that their children's early learning patterns are very different from what we understand.
They opened their eyes and learned far more than we would have sat at our desks for a day.
We think of learning as one board at a glance, one teacher and one book.
But the child learns to observe and then classify and summarize.
Children do not blindly repeat the actions of others or say what others say, and they actively combine what they have learned through observation with other kinds of information through reflection.
So when we're at a loss, we might as well refer to what Alison Goepnik said in The Gardener and the Carpenter:
"Giving children the opportunity to see up close how many different people do things is the best way to help them learn through observation; giving children the opportunity to talk to many different people is the best way to help them learn by listening."
Communicating with your child and then listening to what they have to say, asking them more 'whys' and answering more 'whys' is enough to help your child thrive. ”
Parents can help their children "become" smart
At the same time, we can also give children a good example.
Just like if we can look at failure objectively, without amplifying or escaping, it can help children build a growth mindset.
Then our attitude towards [ignorance] can also help children stay away from stupidity to some extent.
The French psychologist Johann-François Marion said in The Psychology of Stupidity that ignorance is a powerful driving force for cognition.
"Our real stupidity lies in our terrible complacency about our own wisdom, leaving no room for the spirit of questioning."
If your child points out your mistake, say you're wrong.
- Can you pull down and admit that you are wrong? Even when it comes to educating children.
Usually, when children ask why, when they ask us about the blind spot of knowledge, how do we answer?
-Is it impatient to call the child away? Or will choose to say I don't know, let's look it up.
How do we behave when our children fall while learning to ride a bicycle?
-Is it shouting that you are so stupid that this will not be? Or are you willing to try again?
There is still a lot that parents can do in the matter of their children "getting smarter".
Harvard University's achievement gap research expert's book", "The Parenting Rules of High-Achieving Children", says that master parents are students who can be children.
They study their children from head to toe and adjust their behavior accordingly.
If your child is prone to frustration, it may be counterproductive to let them find answers on their own, as they may simply give up halfway.
Learn to get to know your child and observe their moments of curiosity and curiosity, and you will find that your child is not stupid, and may even be much smarter than you think.
At last
Don't talk about your child being stupid and feel like you don't need to change anything.
This is also one of the manifestations of stupidity, optimistic bias.
I think my parents taught me the same way, I don't have to do anything different, children don't have to be so troublesome.
Now that we have entered the modern age, we must use modern progress to help us live a better life.
We are still living as before, what is the point of the progress of science and technology and the progress of mankind?
Of course, no matter how intelligent, educated, or critical a person is, no one in the world can escape some stupid thing, essentially because no one can escape accidental events.
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