Wen 丨 Qingxin Junyue
As a good brother of the marquis in "Three Lives Have the Luck to Meet You", Starfish has always felt that they are "true love", born and died together in the rescue team, have a lifelong friendship, have difficulty with each other, coupled with irregular "Starfish" brand love bento, properly immortal "brotherhood".
For starfish to pursue Qian Xiaoyan, individuals would have been happy to see it, but from an objective point of view, starfish is indeed not the ideal type of Qian Xiaoyan, in terms of mate selection, Qian Qian clearly expressed the importance of economic conditions, so Qian Xiaoyan directly rejected Starfish's pursuit from the beginning.
However, the persistent starfish did not give up, but always sought the opportunity to get close to Qian Xiaoyan, until he inadvertently learned that Qian Xiaoyan had fallen in love with the Marquis's father Hou Zhirong, and the battered starfish thus embarked on the road of revenge, but this revenge in the name of love not only lost character, but also hurt brotherhood, and had nothing to do with love.
"Because they're not suitable, I'm going to get revenge"
After Discovering that Qian Xiaoyan's love object was Hou Zhirong, Starfish agreed to Ma Yong's transaction of paying 500,000 yuan and asking him to steal the bidding design plan of Zhirong Construction, which put Zhirong Construction, which was about to participate in the bidding, into crisis.
At this time, he was completely blinded by jealousy, and felt that Hou Zhirong had snatched his beloved Qian Xiaoyan.
But in fact, even without Hou Zhirong, Qian Xiaoyan would not have chosen starfish, and moreover, Qian Xiaoyan had explicitly rejected him from the beginning and did not step on two boats.
In order to find a suitable reason for his behavior, he said during dinner with the Marquis and Wu Eleven:
"If they are really suitable, then I recognize them, but this person is really inappropriate."
And the subtext of this sentence is "because they are not suitable, so I want to retaliate".
You see, in order to glorify their own despicable behavior, people will always find countless reasons and excuses. However, from any point of view, Starfish is not qualified to judge whether Hou Zhirong is suitable for Qian Xiaoyan, and there is no reason to act excessively, that is Qian Xiaoyan's own choice, unrequited love is overthrown, sadness is understandable, but the resulting revenge is too far-fetched.
So in my opinion, starfish's revenge, but the result of the temptation of money, and the so-called love has no half-cent relationship, when he took that step, love has long been forgotten, brotherhood is even more trampled underfoot, he not only lost the bottom line, lost character, failed to live up to brotherhood, but also once again proved that he is not worthy of Qian Xiaoyan's love.
Money always seems to have a desperate magic power, and I don't hate people who love money, but I can't identify with those who lose their bottom lines and principles for money, because from the moment they bow to money, the soul becomes a commodity.
I like to use clean means to achieve the desired goal, just like a gentleman loves money and has a way to get it, although this sentence is old-fashioned, it is the best attitude to treat money.
The cause behind the retaliation?
Although, to most people, starfish's retaliatory behavior is obviously inexplicable, but from the psychology of intimate relationships, some reasons can indeed be found to explain similar behavior.
In the psychology of intimacy, the causes that drive retaliation are broadly grouped into two categories:
1. Retaliatory behavior triggered by injured self-esteem
This kind often appears in the case of being broken up, or betrayed by the other party, because being broken up and betrayed will make people doubt their self-worth, thinking that whether they are not good, the other party will be like this, and this self-doubt will often be accompanied by self-esteem setbacks.
In other words, if we lose a love or an intimate relationship, we think that what we lose is only unforgettable love, no, in fact, we lose dignity.
Because we will feel abandoned, abandoned, and compared to others, this is our proud self-esteem is difficult to accept, and the hurt self-esteem is easy to trigger retaliatory behavior.
Just like Starfish, he said that the money in the card never exceeded 100,000, which was all his hard work, and 100,000 yuan was a matter of waving his hand for Hou Zhirong, in such an emotional competition with Hou Zhirong, he was defeated and had no ability to fight back, which hurt his self-esteem, and his proud self-sufficiency became worthless in front of Qian Xiaoyan and Hou Zhirong.
Second, hurting others can alleviate your own pain
When a person feels pain, even despair, it takes a lot of effort to detach or eliminate their own pain, but it is simple to divert attention through revenge and thus reduce the feeling of pain. Human nature is to seek advantage and avoid harm, and people will unconsciously choose relatively simple and easy shortcuts, rather than a more difficult road.
This is also another explanation of the motivation for retaliatory behavior in intimate relationship psychology.
For retaliatory behavior, people will pretend to rationally tell themselves, "The other party hurt me first", and the reason why we say this to ourselves is because we know that retaliation is not good for anyone, but we don't want to be a bad person.
Just like Starfish, he thinks that Hou Zhirong stole Qian Xiaoyan and they are not suitable, it is Hou Zhirong who makes him miserable, so he rationalizes his behavior and makes himself look like a good person punishing a bad person.
However, we must be clear that revenge is a double-edged sword, and the person who inflicts revenge and the target of retaliation are hurt the same.
Starfish was not happy about his revenge, but his heart was always troubled and tortured, and his revenge betrayed his brother and implicated innocent people.
What is the best state in the face of love?
Love without permission can be a norm in emotional experiences.
For an emotion that ends without illness, many people will be in a state of difficult to let go, it is like a thorn in the heart, pulling pain, not pulling more pain.
In psychological research, it is found that we are easy to forget about the things that have been completed and have results, and we still remember the things that are forced to be interrupted and cannot be completed, and even unforgettable, which is the "Chikonyni effect" in psychology.
When a relationship, including a single relationship, is forcibly interrupted by external forces, or abruptly stopped for various reasons, it will leave a gap in our hearts, and this gap will always remind us that there is an emotion that is still in an unfinished state and needs to find opportunities to make up for and complete.
This is also one of the reasons why love can not help people, let alone forget, what can not be obtained is always in the commotion is said to be this state.
But in my opinion, some feelings can be obtained through hard work, and some feelings are destined to be untenable. Starfish and Qian Xiaoyan are like this, Starfish can not meet Qian Xiaoyan's needs for money, nor does it meet her expectations for her partner, even if he works hard and pays sincerity, it is difficult to impress Qian Xiaoyan, so what is the point of insisting on this relationship?
Love, not a person's one-man show, when you can't touch the love in your heart with all your might, maybe give up that illusory dream, you will see a different landscape, as for the regrets in your heart, leave it to the years and the person who really loves you to fill in.
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, ta said book critic, film critic. Warm you, me with words.