Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo Mama~
Several friends chat in the group, except for the parents who are short, without exception, and finally talk about the children.
Wen Wen, who had not appeared for a long time, sighed in the group and said:
"When the child was still in his hand, he thought he could walk. When the child can go, I think he is going to school. But now that my children are going to school, why do I feel more and more tired and have less and less time for myself? ”
Hearing this, everyone began to discuss it. One of the other friends, both, pointedly pointed out:
"You're just too diligent, you're all around the child, can you not be tired?" If you look at a few of us, we are really 'lazy mothers', and the children are not growing up very well. ”
Shuangshuang is telling the truth, too diligent mother, the child is annoyed, the mother is tired, and the parent-child relationship is tense. Not only that, but the children raised are also more worrying.
Raising children, when the mother should be "lazy", she must be lazy. For example, in the following 3 things, the more "lazy" the mother, the more capable the child will be.
One: "Lazy" has to accompany the whole reading
Before the popular circle of friends in a "house rule sticker" - do not shout mom! This "family rule sticker" can be described as saying the voices of countless mothers:
● Words can not be written, look up the dictionary, do not shout mom!
● Can't do the question, read carefully, think seriously, can't turn the book, don't shout Mom!
● Do your own thing, don't call Mom!
If the child can comply with the above rules, then the mothers do not know how much easier. It can be seen that the mother is tired, that is, she is usually too diligent, and there is no answer to the child's requirements.
Like my mom, I complain every day that I'm too tired to bring my grandchildren. I look at the way they get along, can that not be tired?
Before the nephew could start doing his homework, he cried out, "Grandma, where has my school bag gone?" When my mother heard this, she quickly put down the work in her hand and began to help him find it under the table and behind the sofa.
It's hard to find things together, and then it's:
"Grandma, my pencil is broken."
"Grandma, I can't write that word."
"Grandma, how do you do this problem?"
Not only that, even if my mother taught him to solve the problem step by step, he still giggled and played this and that, and did not concentrate on thinking at all.
My mother almost took a pen and copied the answer for him. Alas, she didn't feel tired, I looked tired.
"7 Bad Habits Affecting the Brain" mentions that neurons in the brain are like small light bulbs that connect circuits. These "bulbs" remain operational only when used frequently. But if it is not used for a long time, it will slowly be scrapped.
When a child thinks, the neuronal circuits in the brain that are responsible for "thinking about problems - solutions" will remain unblocked and emit bright light.
And if the child is habitually dependent, when he encounters a problem, he only wants to passively get the answer and is too lazy to think. The neurons he was in charge of in this area slowly became blunt.
Therefore, we need to exercise the child's ability to complete homework independently, let him think independently, and learn to use tools to find answers, rather than directly shouting "Mom".
Only in this way can children understand that learning is their own business, not for others. Only in this way can he gain the ability to think independently.
Therefore, when your child encounters a small problem in learning, he may wish to say to him: "Don't call Mom! ”
Two: "Lazy" always nagging
If you were to ask a child, what would he be listening to the most stressful words? He will surely tell you:
"Why do you..."
Representative words: Why don't you wear a coat? Why didn't you wash your clothes? Why don't you wash your hair first?
"You must..."
Words of representation: You have to write your homework before you can eat; you have to eat them; you have to stay at home.
"You can't....."
Representative words: You can't just look at the dot road? Can't you learn from someone else's child? Can't you just let me save a snack?
At the beginning, the mother's nagging may make the child feel guilty and self-blame, so as to do a good job according to your requirements. But slowly, he became disgusted. Finally, take your words to the wind.
This is because, psychologically, repetition and effect are inverted U-shapes.
A certain degree of repetition can indeed play a very good role. However, the more nagging, the more efficient will decrease linearly, and even play a counterproductive effect.
Repeated nagging, for example, represents a kind of distrust: I don't believe you can do a good job unless I keep telling you.
It also represents an accusation: you are always doing a bad job, and I need to keep pointing it out.
It even makes the child wonder to himself: Am I really bad and can't do anything wrong?
When children are disgusted, or even self-doubting, these nagging of mothers will undoubtedly make children more and more impatient, and they will become more and more rebellious.
So, we might as well be less nagging. In this way, it is easy to be yourself, and it is also conducive to the growth of children.
Three: "Lazy" has to do everything
When the child is still a small baby, there is no way, he eats and drinks Lhasa, we have to take care of it. But as the child grows older, what are his hands and feet used for?
Of course, it is used to take care of yourself.
The book "The Secret of Childhood" points out that when a child is about one year old, he can try to do housework.
What can a one-year-old baby do? Throw your own diapers in the trash, throw the peel confetti in the trash, help your mother get a towel handkerchief or something.
The baby, who is about 2 years old, collects his own toys and picture books, throws dirty clothes in the clothes basket, and helps to get a broom.
Babies around 3 years old, take their own dishes and chopsticks, pour water to drink when they are thirsty, and wear their own clothes, shoes and socks.
These small things in life can be solved by children by themselves, and mothers should never be too diligent.
As psychologist Jane Nelson put it, "Wouldn't it be a loss if children don't even know how capable they are?" ”
Therefore, within the scope of the child's ability, the lazier the mother, the more likely the child has to discover his own ability, and the more confident he will be.
One day, he left home and went to explore his own world. He will use his intelligence and ability to overcome the big and small difficulties and setbacks encountered in life. Instead of being dazed and waiting for us to rescue.
Four: Laziness is not about ignoring everything
A mother who knows how to be "lazy" must also be a wise mother.
Although she gave up, she would patiently teach from the side, over and over again. Until the child learns, remembers, and has the ability to do it himself.
The surface of the mother's "laziness" seems to be relaxed, but behind it, it has to pay a lot.
Because in the process of learning skills, children may sprinkle the soup on the ground, may get their clothes wet, dirty, broken, and may also cause a bunch of large and small "troubles".
All of this requires a strong tolerance and patience on the part of the mother.
But believe that when it is time to let go, let yourself be lazy, we can cultivate independent thinking, responsible, and capable children.
The lazier the mother is in these 3 aspects, the more outstanding the child grows. I hope that all mothers can raise excellent babies
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
About the author: Cuckoo mom, a good observation, thinking, method of the mother. Exchange parenting experience, share psychological knowledge, like to pay attention to it~