Welcome to "I'm Not Teaching You to Play Yin: The Ultimate Lesson of Ghost Valley To Be a Man and Do Things".
This column is based on 12 articles (the original 14 articles, two missing articles) of OniGuzi, and exhausts the unique learning of Ghost Valley for people to live in the world; through 50 courses, the unspoken rules of the thousand-year-old life in the world are explained one by one.
Civil servants, businessmen, and professionals are all worth reading, which can greatly enhance their emotional intelligence in speaking, improve interpersonal relationships, enhance your personality charm, and win more popularity and chances of success.
Today's lecture is very important, please be patient and read it.
The ancients said: "Giving words to people is heavier than pearls and jade; hurting people with words is heavier than swords." ”
The gist is that good language can capture people's hearts and make him happier than harvesting pearls, and bad words hurt people more than swords hurt people.
Why is it that some people in life are easy to succeed in doing things, and have help in doing everything, while some people are bumpy everywhere and always have trouble with people?
The answer lies in the fact that the former can always grasp people's hearts and minds, and then use language to impress others, so as to help themselves achieve their goals. The latter can't do this, one is not careful, it is easy to say the wrong thing to offend others, and natural life is bumpy everywhere.
Grasping people's hearts is the key, but the ancients also said, "People's hearts are unpredictable." Man is the most complex animal in the world, and many people know how to hide their true thoughts under a heavy mask, without means and schemes, and it is really difficult to see.
Here to recommend the three heart attack techniques of Oniguzi, master them, it is not difficult to capture the hearts of the other party, let's see how to do it.
01
Understand each other's specific situation
Many people in life cannot capture people's hearts, often because they do not know each other well enough. As the German poet Goethe said: "It is difficult to find two leaves in a tree with exactly the same shape, and it is difficult to find two people in perfect harmony in personality and preferences in a thousand people." ”
If you think it's good, the other party may not like it, and if you feel bad, the other party may not hate it. Just like some bosses like others to slap him on the ass, some bosses hate it; some colleagues like to talk to people about football, some colleagues have a lack of interest in this topic, and so on.
If we do not understand each other's personality and preferences in advance, and blindly come forward to talk and communicate, then it is likely to inadvertently cause the disgust of others and increase obstacles to our own lives.
Oniguzi taught us, "To gain affection is to control it." The meaning of this sentence is to first understand the specific situation of the other party, and then formulate the corresponding conversation strategy, so that you can talk to the other party's heart and make him feel good about you.
For example, if a new leader comes to the company, then we can first understand his preferences through his former subordinates, and what is his work style? Like what not to like?
Some people will say that this is a sneaking horse, but in fact, understanding the role of the other party is more than this, by understanding other people's work styles and preferences, you can better adapt to his rhythm. This leader does not like subordinates to argue with him, then we will talk to him privately; that leader likes others to speak bluntly, then we can point out the problem on the spot and provide solutions.
Good cooperation will make the work efficiency significantly improved, and you can also get the appreciation of the leader, why not enjoy it?
Knowing oneself and knowing one's enemy is a hundred battles, fighting is like this, and communication is the same. In life, we must learn to collect other people's information, pay more attention to other people's words and deeds, understand others, and you will be invincible and let things develop in their own favor.
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02
Find the right point in time
The old man always admonishes us: "Say the right thing at the right time and place." ”
Many young people disagree, which has also led to the ups and downs of their lives. You know, a sentence is good or bad, not only to look at the sentence itself, but also to look at the timing and occasion, if it is not right, good words may also become bad words, so that you are deeply affected.
I remember watching a documentary on Jingdong Group on CCTV before, and one clip impressed me very much:
When Liu Qiangdong was having dinner with a group of executives, a female vice president suddenly said that she was pregnant, and then said: "I will not delay my work." Liu Qiangdong immediately looked bad when he heard this sentence, said a bunch of meaningful words, and it wasn't long before the vice president left from JD.com.
Many people may be curious, this sentence seems to be no problem, why does it make Liu Qiangdong feel uncomfortable? The answer is that the occasion is not right, the vice president's words are just to express their attitude of being pregnant and still concentrating on work, if it is in the company's own family meeting, it is naturally no problem to say this sentence, Liu Qiangdong may also appreciate her dedication.
But this is at the scene of the CCTV documentary, a vice president is four months pregnant, the boss does not know, but also let a pregnant woman work overtime, let the CCTV people and how the audience after the broadcast how to see Liu Qiangdong, so Liu Qiangdong is obviously unhappy.
Therefore, before we speak, we must first look at the occasion, and before we speak, we must first think about what kind of impact it will cause.
For example, if you find that others have made mistakes, if you say it directly, it may make him faceless, and even have a bad impact on yourself.
At this time, you may wish to knock on the side to hint at him, for example, that you have a friend, what mistakes he has made, what bad consequences he has led to, and so on. In this way, the other party will naturally understand and will be more likely to accept their own opinions.
Another example: you are looking for someone to do something, if the other party is in an emergency or in a bad mood, then press it first, and wait until he is in a good mood.
On the other hand, if someone else happens to be in a good mood, you can generously say your request. Looking at the color and timing, the probability of success naturally increases greatly.
03
First obey the other person's will
Dealing with people, it is impossible to stand on the same side of everything, believing that everyone in life has encountered times when others hold opposite opinions with themselves, and you want to persuade him to accept his own opinions, what to do?
Directly say "I object"? Know that everyone, like themselves, will have the psychology of sticking to their own ideas, and doing so will only provoke tougher confrontations on the other side.
Oniguzi teaches us to "if you want to go, because of the danger", this sentence means that you can first obey the other party's meaning, to cater to his meaning, in order to gain the other party's favor, and then find the unfavorable places from his words, analyze him, and conquer his defense line, so that the other party can think rationally and accept his opinions.
During the Warring States period, when Chen Yi was framed and wanted to betray the Qin state and defect to the Chu state, he used this method, at this time the king of Qin was already suspicious of him, if he blindly cried injustice, the king of Qin may not believe it.
So he went down to the King of Qin and said, "Yes, everyone in the world knows about this matter." First follow the meaning of the King of Qin, and then catch the key, "Just like the people of the world know that Wu Zixu is loyal to his king, so all countries want to recruit Wu Zixu as their own." If I am loyal and expelled, what else can I do if I don't go to the Chu kingdom? ”
His words dispelled the Suspicion of the King of Qin, and he also understood that someone was trying to frame him, so he not only did not blame Chen Yi, but also greatly rewarded him.
In life, we can use this technique in many times, such as when others are angry, and if you directly say that he is wrong, he will definitely argue with himself. It is better to follow him and say, "I think you are right, you are right, I understand your difficulties..."
First reassure others, wait for him to stabilize his mood and then turn around: "But if you do what, is it better?" "If you change so-and-so again, it's perfect." Wait a minute.
These words will make people feel comfortable listening, and they will also make the other party think along their own lines of thought, so as to accept their own suggestions.
This is the attack technique of oniguzi, who wants to capture the heart of the other party, master the above three words, and break the heart of the people at once. Finally, I hope that everyone can become a master of words in life and make themselves smooth and profitable.
Author: Mr. Senmei
Family affairs, state affairs, world affairs, a little knowledge of one or two; worry about the glass heart, explain three or four.
People have a thousand faces, things have everything, the world under the tip of the iceberg is the real world of undercurrents, and life needs to see through the eyes of illusions.
Mr. Qianmian takes you every day to see through the illusions of life and resolve the puzzles of life.
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