Book review - "Mirror Reflection Thinking" as a role model, do a good job of influencing others

From birth to adulthood, the most people who accompany us are our parents, and the words and deeds of our parents will have a great impact on us, so that we grow up to form a outlook on life and our own small world. The book "Original Family" proposes seven kinds of toxic parents, some of these parents want to manipulate their children, some abuse their children verbally and physically, in the long run, leaving a lot of trauma to the child's body and mind, some children even after adulthood, continue the parental harm, hurt their children in the same way as their parents, and some children have left their parents and have been living in the shadow of their parents.

Why do parents have such a profound influence on us?

Recently, I read a book by the British writer Fiona Merden, "Mirror Thinking: Self-Formation in Society", which inspired me a lot and made me deeper understand that no matter what kind of relationship you have with others, as long as you are in contact with people, you will be affected by others for good or bad.

Mirror Thinking: Man's Self-Formation in Society

That is, at the beginning of our lives, the brain generates 180 million new neural connection circuits, most of which mirror the behavior of others, especially parents.

We first observe the surrounding environment, and then mirror a certain behavior or emotion in the surrounding environment, that is, recall the behavior and actions of the people around us in our own minds, and automatically imitate creation, which allows our mirror neurons to be trained and developed, and gradually cultivate mirror reflection thinking.

Just as a baby sees a parent smiling at him, this stimulates the mirror neurons in the baby's brain that control facial expressions, especially the lips, so the baby may also smile.

So, can we consciously mirror the good words and actions used by others, so that we can selectively be influenced or influenced by others?

Author Fiona Merden has been working in psychology, and after graduating with a master's degree in psychology from the University of London, she worked with people from sports, business, politics and other professions to help them discover themselves, tap their potential, and create the best job performance and results.

Mirror thinking is Fiona Merden's encouragement of others to change themselves, so that people understand that everyone in life has a great influence on themselves, and we must also examine these mirror images when imitating others and learning knowledge, not to follow the tide, and to live a unique self.

This book tells us to awaken unknowingly under the influence of others, consciously choose mirror images, and make ourselves better.

Below, let's follow Fiona Merden to explore the mirror world together, understand how you, me, and he interact with each other, how we should think and feel the world, learn to use brain function, accept ourselves, others, and social culture through the principle of mirror reflection, exceed expectations, and shape a better self.

01 The impact of mirror reflection on people

From the moment we are born, our brains receive all kinds of information and are also influenced by others. Our mother gives birth to us, we are wrapped in swaddling by nurses, and our brains begin to be stimulated by others to form neuronal circuits that are activated.

The brain's neuronal circuits are responsible for communicating within the brain, transmitting biochemical signals that allow us to understand the world and react.

In fact, before we are even born, the neuronal circuits of the brain have begun to build, and they do not mature until adulthood. As the brain gradually evolves from low-level to high-level, more and more complex neural networks gradually form, and the brain's stress response forms a more complex nervous system (including mirror neurons) that play a role in communication and connection.

For example, we cultivate basic emotional drive by observing and imitating others, including feeling pain, wanting to eat, etc., which also reflects how mirror thinking occurs, starting from the simplest mirror reflection, observing the surrounding environment, mirroring a certain emotion and behavior, and imitating creation, cultivating mirror thinking.

Newborn babies, just came to this world, the neural network is not stable, rely on the guardian to learn how to behave. Parents, siblings, and relatives make tongue-out gestures while teasing babies. Babies don't understand this, but babies also stick out their tongues in response. Because small babies see others spitting out their tongues, their mirror neurons become active, and they mobilize the behavioral information seen in their minds to replicate these behaviors.

Around 10 weeks of birth, the mirror behavior of newborn babies can change from imitating the simple action of spitting out their tongues to imitating the happy or angry expressions of their parents.

As we grow older, in life, we mirror the behavior of others and imitate them repeatedly. For example: dressing, eating, washing hands, talking, etc., parents do not have to deliberately teach us, we naturally learn the skills of talking or walking, which are prepared by the brain and learn by observing and listening to the parents' behavior.

The brain matures, mirror neurons form and move towards higher neurons. For example, visual mirror neurons appear first, through which babies observe and imitate the behavior of their parents. Later, more complex behavioral mirror neurons emerge, especially those that develop language skills, and babies take advantage of this neuron from tooth to tooth to speech. If the two parents speak different languages, if the baby spends a long time with the mother, he will learn the mother's language faster, which is also caused by mirror reflection.

The influence of our parents on us can continue into our middle-aged and elderly lives, and when we grow up, we will be what our parents expect us to do, and most children regard their parents as role models. Some fathers are construction engineers, and because of their father's influence, their children grow up to engage in the same profession and have the same ideals. There are also opposite situations, children will be reflected in the mirror bad influence, such as parents smoking, children will also learn to smoke early.

Not only habits, life concepts, diets, hobbies, these experiences will be reflected in the next generation due to the influence of parents.

Since a person's words and deeds will subtly mirror others, then, as a parent, you should be strict with yourself and do a good job, let your words and deeds become a role model for your children, let your children grow up healthily from an early age, learn to recognize the behavior of others, and better develop a healthy self.

02 Mirror reflects what you learned

If the words and deeds of the people around us can mirror and influence others, then in order to make ourselves better, we must find role models to mirror. Role models are roles that can help people progress and develop, so how role models mirror others, let's take a look.

First, there is compassion. Compassion, also known as emotional compassion, is cultivated early in our lives. For example, when one child cries, another child cries with it. Repeated mirrors become the basis of compassion, giving our mirror neurons this ability.

A higher ability than compassion is cognitive empathy, which occurs after emotional empathy. For example, doctors to see patients, only need to understand the patient's condition, and do not need the patient pain, they also want pain, you can assess this feeling through cognition, judge the patient's condition.

Both compassion and cognitive empathy are about thinking in someone else's shoes. For example, if a student's academic performance is not good, the teacher does not give up on him, but carefully guides, gives care and encouragement from the spiritual aspect, lends a helping hand when the student needs the teacher's help, and gives the student enough trust.

Because the teacher can sympathize with and understand the students, the students will also have trust in the teacher, in the process of contact, the students' cognition and ideas have changed, and they take the initiative to learn well, and regard the teacher as a role model.

Students are also willing to listen to the teacher's words, recognize their mistakes and correct them under the care of the teacher, which is the power of a good role model.

If the teacher is an incompetent teacher, seeing that the students with poor grades have no patience, or even physically punishing the students, it will bring bad feelings to the students, produce psychological shadows, and even give up on themselves, and the grades will become worse and worse.

It can be seen that if you want to make yourself better, you must find a good role model as an example. Perhaps the role model of compassion that can give us trust may be our teachers, our parents, our brothers and sisters, we can recognize their differences, let them become the benchmark in our lives, and always guide us to be better selves and create a better life.

We also learned how to get along with others in the role model, how to bring better feelings to others, and use this ability to restrain ourselves and show a better side to others.

03How do we use our mirroring ability

We play the role of role model, which is equivalent to correctly playing our mirror ability.

How?

First, learn character modeling techniques. Find personal idealized role models as role models. Role models can do as much as they can't, and if you don't want your kids to play games, you can't play games. If you don't want your child to smoke, you can't smoke. You must recognize that your own words and deeds, and the information you pass on to others can influence others.

Secondly, to establish a personalized role model, you must understand your own motivation for behavior, and becoming a role model is not to control others, but to help others learn and grow, so that they can confidently play their potential and be prepared to take responsibility.

When establishing role models, strive to be a good example, patiently solve difficulties and problems, be honest about your mistakes and mistakes, and sincerely open your heart to communicate with each other.

Third, be able to truly understand the person who imitates you, put yourself in the shoes of the other person, listen to the other person's voice, and maintain a calm understanding of yourself.

Then, willing to take the time to cultivate feelings and trust between each other and improve the quality of the relationship between each other.

Finally, in a relationship of mutual contact, maintain a long-term, stable, approachable relationship so that the imitator can generate self-esteem and self-confidence, feel worthy of being with you, and explore their life goals together.

If mirror thinking can change a person, then a good mirror can make you an excellent person. The book "Mirror Thinking: Self-Formation in Society" makes us realize that everyone has a lot of influence, we can do better, pass on better qualities to others, and help others grow and progress.

Mirror reflection affects the cultivation of our personality, learning ability, self-positioning, quality of life, etc., we now find that the original environment around us has such a huge impact on us, so imperceptible, we understand this concept, we suddenly realized, we ourselves are the product of mirror reflection, mirror reflection system is so macroscopic, all-encompassing.

When we know the existence of this system, we will better recognize it, apply it, demand ourselves in a better posture, and do ourselves well. Because you, me, and him are all interconnected and one, we perceive each other, learn from each other, rely on each other, and grow together. We all have to learn to be role models and do our part to influence others.

Finally, a quote from the author concludes today's sharing:

Every high-quality communication with others can improve your relationships and increase the likelihood of spreading knowledge, can promote people to recognize what relationships should be like, and a positive interaction will bring invisible and huge domino effects to others, in fact, it will change the whole world.

I'm not confused with Qinglian — recommend a good book to read. Determined to read for life, write for life, and grow for life. Share reading and meet a better version of yourself.