Scientists have found that the grandmother's empathy for the child is stronger than we think! So when they hear children crying, they will be more anxious than their parents!
As a parent, the most feared thing is to educate the children when the elders are chaotic, so that the children can find rescue soldiers in a bright and upright manner! But in fact, the elders really can't blame them for reacting so excitedly ~ According to foreign research, they are also unavoidable and can't help it
James K. Rilling, Amber Gonzalez and Minwoo Lee, three professors of anthropology, spiritual sciences and behavioral sciences at Emory University in the United States, recently published a latest study in the journal of the Royal Society, confirming to everyone: Why can elders not stand children crying more than their own parents?
The research team recruited 50 grandmothers, first questionnaireed their closeness to their grandchildren, how long they spent with their children, and then provided 4 photos (photos of their grandchildren, strange children of the same age as their grandchildren, their own children, and strange adults) to see how the grandmothers reacted to the portraits.
The results of the survey found that when grandmothers saw pictures of their grandchildren, the areas of their brains that were responsible for emotional management and movement were more active, indicating that they subconsciously wanted to participate in the activities of caring for their grandchildren and felt more sympathetic to their grandchildren's emotions (less reluctant to let children cry and get angry). Interestingly, grandmothers are more intensely active in their grandchildren's brains than some parts of their biological fathers. (Dad really has to cheer up!) ）
While we are grateful to grandparents for treating their children as their own, if there is no consensus between the two parties on the upbringing of their children, this love will become a burden. In view of this, you can try the following ways to love your children well with your grandparents:
1. The love of the elders is like a snack, and the love of the parents is like a meal
For the sake of children's good character and good health, we will strictly implement the various requirements in life when living with children: go to bed early and get up early, eat a healthy diet, and do not touch the 3C... But as soon as the elders come, all kinds of bad habits will be on the body! At this time, parents may wish to change their mentality: as long as there is no immediate danger, occasional and appropriate relaxation is okay.
2. Clear communication and parenting bottom line
I have to say that some elders actually can't understand the "euphemistic advice"! What "I'm afraid you'll break the bank", "I'm sorry to bother you"... They will only feel that "it is natural to lament that it is not troublesome to hurt your grandchildren", so for the sake of your own parenting bottom line, some words are clearly stated and explained by your partner: "It is not suitable for a child of this age to eat chocolate, please do not feed him", "Please do not talk to children like this."
3. Reach a consensus with your partner
Some words are really not suitable for the younger generation to say by the "not biological", at this time you need to ask your partner to play his role and communicate with the elders well! Instead of one of them feeling very unok, the other one pulling back with an indifferent attitude.
4. Educate children afterwards: what can be done and what cannot be done
In fact, no matter how much we parents say, we are no less powerful than our grandchildren's own words: "I think this is not good!" Usually, we still have to do a good job in the correct education of the three views, and when the time comes, whether it is grandparents or the inevitable temptation in the process of growing up, children have a ruler in their hearts: what can be done and what cannot be done; what can be eaten and what cannot be eaten!
If the whole family can agree on the education of children, there are more people who love the little baby at home together, which is really a very happy thing for parents and children. Mom and Dad can go to work without worries, and they can also learn more about parenting knowledge and mentality from their grandparents. I hope that everyone can experience the happiness of "having an old family and a treasure"