"There's nothing more hurt than when you're in love." The famous psychoanalytic Freud said. At that time, most of the "experts" who expressed the most views on love were from the philosophical community, and they portrayed the two loves after falling in love as romantic and heartbreaking. Later, biologists and physiologists, with the help of scientific instruments and various experimental techniques, finally confirmed that love is nothing more than a biological program under the action of a series of hormones, no matter how many different bridges it is deduced, the basis is the same.
The hotter it is, the more dangerous it is
In this world, there are few people who are proud of their weak love for each other, and most people are pursuing passionate or even crazy love and showing their ability to love in this way. However, the so-called strength of ability is nothing more than the level of hormones confirmed by scientists, and in this standard, blindly pursuing high is never a good thing.
Among the hormones that have been shown to be related to love, those that can also play a decisive role after falling in love include phenylethylamine and oxytocin, the former can continue to maintain the passion of love, while the latter will maintain the length of love, of course, this is only their cute side.
In the early days of love, phenylethylamine will be secreted in large quantities, but as the body's ability to tolerate it increases, its role will gradually decline, so our body must secrete more phenylethylamine to maintain the strength of love - but the phenylethylamine-secreting gland has its own limits, and when this limit is reached and it is no longer possible to secrete a sufficient amount of phenylethylamine, love will face a crisis. Science recognizes individual differences, but science is more in line with objective laws, anyone can secrete phenylethylamine is basically within a value, the more secreted, the faster it will die.
Not only that, but amphetamines (i.e., amphetamines) after synthetic amphetamines are a rather dangerous drug that can be used both to improve depression, treat nasal congestion and lose weight, and is also a major component of "ecstasy". Therefore, those who have lost love in love will be in pain, because because the secretion of phenylethylamine is greatly reduced, they face a situation that is no different from an addiction attack.
If the dangers of phenylethylamine are obvious, oxytocin is much more "insidious". It's called the "cuddling hormone" and can promote relationships and make people feel positive about their partners after falling in love, but it also has an unknown dark side that increases the risk of violence in relationships.
In early 2014, more than four physiologists conducted a joint experiment in which 93 college students were randomly assigned a nasal spray, which was filled with oxytocin or saline, and after the spray took effect, these college students took a questionnaire test and used it to assess their aggressive traits — the results showed that people who had sprayed oxytocin were much more prone to interpersonal violence, and that oxytocin did not turn non-aggressive people into violent maniacs, it only made people who had hidden their violent tendencies shed their disguise.
In addition, "who did not encounter a few scum when they were young" is also related to the hormone of love - male scum is those stallion-type animals with higher testosterone levels and stronger aggression, while female scum is a red apricot that is keen to go out of the wall with higher estradiol levels, and they will release more love attraction in front of the opposite sex, and at the same time, more dangerous.
Trouble keeps coming, and that's right
Any couple who falls in love yearns for a harmonious and warm love, but in fact, love is doomed from the moment it begins to be in trouble, for the simple reason that there is a difference between men and women.
The famous Western philosopher and sociologist Jean Baudrillard said in his essay collection "Cold Memory": "The mutual pleasure of men and women is difficult to reconcile in the understanding of both sides - for men, he wants to go straight to the subject and omit the process; For women, she wants the process to be infinitely long and be played with repeatedly. ”
This process of being "played over and over again" is called "flirting." In Xiao Zhuang's "Experimental Report on Love", the process of "flirting" is particularly described - in the cave dwelling period, mating is not so troublesome, men spend a little effort to carry women back to the cave to achieve the goal, women from the beginning, not from the also have to follow. However, with the expansion of the number of groups and the expansion of communication methods, both sexes have more room for mate selection, and women with the ability to conceive offspring hope to obtain a way to test whether men are reliable (able to raise offspring with themselves) without risking pregnancy, and flirting is born from this, which lengthens the process of sexual arrival.
Women can get a sense of being valued from "flirting", but men don't think so. According to Dr. Antonio Damasio, a neuroscientist at the University of Iowa, flirting is actually very hard, and for the brain, the area that governs human feelings is in the limbic system, which is often out of control during "flirting", as if experiencing a brain injury.
In addition to the attitude towards love, differences in interests and hobbies will also make love precarious. Many women will complain that their boyfriends ignore themselves because they are too playful, and science proves that this is not the other party's vice, but a uniqueness of men.
Alan Rice, a psychiatrist at Stanford Medical School, once recruited 11 men and women to participate in the same game, and the results of the experiment proved that women did not play games in the link involving intellectual level, but the instrument also clearly observed that the "reward and punishment circuits" and "addiction circuits" in the male brain were activated by the progress of the game much higher, so they were more focused, more persistent, more concerned about gains and losses, and indeed scored higher. It can be seen that men's unique "reward and punishment circuits" and "addiction circuits" make them fascinated by love at the same time, but also fascinated by other things with a sense of accomplishment, such as drag racing, adventure, and playing games, which is almost an incurable nature.
Among the differences between men and women, men's empathy is the most criticized part, which psychologists call the "gullithe effect". Legend has it that Gurezhi was the president of a certain country, and one day he took his wife to visit a chicken coop. Madame asked the owner, "How often does the rooster perform its husband's duties to the hen?" The owner replied, "Always be conscientious." Madame said, "Please convey this conclusion to the President." After hearing this, the president asked the owner: "Does the rooster do its duty on the same hen every time?" The owner replied, "Every time you have to change your partner." The president said, "Please convey the conclusion to madame." Although this may seem like a joke, the lack of emotional fidelity of men is confirmed by mammals. But this is not an excuse for men who like to pick flowers and weeds, as we all know, although humans are also included in the category of mammals, conscience, morality, subjective initiative, etc. make humans eventually break away from the animal kingdom.
Falling in love is indeed a wonderful thing, but this wonderful will be determined by hormone levels, and whether this love can be sustained smoothly is affected by more social, psychological, scientific factors, you not only have to understand this fact, but also need to adjust hard in the differences between the sexes, such as walking on thin ice... Just when your heart is about to cool down, there is a basin of cold water waiting for you - in love, be sure to keep a low profile. A team at the University of Guelph in Canada has created a project to study how social networks like Facebook can ferment jealousy among lovers. They pointed out that many users will spend a lot of time to search for partners, prospective partners and even the network of former partners, a relationship, the more information exposed, the more people involved, therefore, there will be "love, die fast" said.
Don't think your love is different
After scientists interpreted love as an almost identical biological program, people who still had romantic fantasies about love turned their attention to love, thinking that their love was full of unique charms, like different types of flowers blooming in the same land. However, this is not the case.
American psychologist Robert Sternberg put forward the theory in 1988, that love is just a triangle, the three sides of this triangle (unequal length) are: passion, intimacy and loyalty, all the different faces of love are just the length of these three sides back and forth.
Long before Sternberg, the Canadian scholar John Lee, after collecting hundreds of documents from ancient Greek times to the 1970s, divided love into six major types through more than 4,000 descriptions of love - love of lust, love of games, and love of friendship are the three main types, and love of reality, love of passion and love of dedication are three secondary types, and this theory has since been widely recognized by the academic community - you can think that you have loved the world, but it is nothing more than a manifestation of these types.
Erotic love is the so-called romantic love, and love at first sight is summarized in this type. This love focuses on the attractiveness of appearance, fast and direct, the two will experience almost the same physiological response, the process of hormone secretion is more synchronized, and will soon develop to the stage of sex. The love of the game, as the name suggests, is a state of casual love, which occurs mostly among self-centered, unwilling to be restrained, they do not care too much about each other's appearance or other conditions, "together and happy" is the most important.
As another major type, friendship love is much more reliable, it mostly occurs between slow and hot people, starting from friends and finally developing into lovers, and they will also experience more trust, peace and warmth in the process of communication, even if they break up, they can become good friends and continue to maintain good friendships.
Realistic love has both the love of games and the love of friendship calm and smooth, people in this type of love will stand in the perspective of reality, choose the most suitable lover, "cost-effective" is an important criterion for them to decide whether to start a relationship; Passionate love is both erotic love and game love, dependence, possessiveness and jealousy are its main appearance characteristics, and the person in it is almost completely swayed by hormone levels, and the mood is like a bouncy ball jumping back and forth.
Compared with the above type, the love of dedication is the most affectionate and firm, it has both the deep affection of erotic love and the stability of friendship love, giving full play to the altruism of people, for the happiness of the other party regardless of return, "sense of existence" is their most important appeal after falling in love. However, John Lee found in his research that pure devotion to love is very rare, and because of this, people in it have the highest happiness index. A 2010 sociological survey confirmed that among people in love, when asked if they were happy or not, people with altruistic traits were 17 percentage points more likely than people who didn't answer "yes" — if you choose to bear it like a hero, the reward is more than normal joy.
In fact, people in love who are looking forward to "different" do not have to be lost because they are easily classified, because few loves belong to only one of the above six types, and most of them will play cross-border sets of several types in one, but they are not separated from their origins.