We cannot change the events that have occurred in the past, but only the impact of those events on us. - Satya
Adapted from Bi Shumin's novel of the same name, the TV series "Female Psychologist" starring Yang Zi and Jing Bairan is being broadcast, and the word of mouth on the Internet is mixed, with applause and support, and some criticizing "showmanship" and "suspension" strong bad reviews.
Because I wanted to see what the novel I had read more than a decade ago had been adapted into, and out of curiosity about the first psychological science film, I brushed four episodes in a row and watched the first unit about the "original family".
As zhu Li, the screenwriter of the play, said: For "Female Psychologist", suspense is just a means and a kind of packaging.
"The whole process of solving the case is a suspenseful technique, but the content and theme we want to express are warm, and we hope that everyone will see the authenticity of this profession, look at themselves through other people's stories, and find their own problems."
Heart-warming healing is also a criterion for the selection of cases in "Female Psychologist".
"Psychologists face many people, men and women, young and old, all social classes, encounter all kinds of problems, and use their words to express their views. We want to guide the audience to be able to observe their own hearts, to observe their emotions, and to begin to take a path of healing. ”
The first story unfolds in such an atmosphere that looks a bit "showmanship" and "suspense".
Yuna, a high school student, called the Psychological Assistance Center on the roof of the school and said she wanted to kill herself.
Horton, a counselor at the Psychological Assistance Center, successfully guided Yuna off the roof with professional suicide interventions to the safe equipment room, and temporarily lifted the crisis by talking to Yuna about her parents and playing her favorite songs.
But did not understand Yuna's true motives for suicide, the problem was only alleviated for a while, and soon Yuna chose to jump out of the school swimming pool to commit suicide because of the escalation of the conflict with her classmate Xiao zhe.
Horton arrives just in time to save Yuna herself and nearly drowns.
When Yuna's parents heard the news and went to pick up their daughter, one of them acted as a peacemaker, saying good things for the classmates who clashed with their daughters.
Sure enough, Yuna walked away coldly due to the disappointment in her parents' attitude, and slapped herself violently that night when she suddenly lost control of her emotions.
Zhang Ruonan's acting skills are full, and the image of a young girl with inner conflict and pain overflows the screen
Horton's professional sensitivity made her vaguely aware that Yuna's problems were not limited to her conflicts with her classmates, so in addition to meeting with Yuna for counseling, she also asked her parents to go to family therapy.
In the conversation with Yuna's parents, the real reason for Yuna's suicide and extreme behavior slowly emerged.
It turned out that Yuna's parents had divorced because of emotional incompatibility, and the reason why they did not separate and maintain a marriage that looked like a god was only because they were afraid of affecting their daughter's college entrance examination.
The delicate and intelligent daughter actually knows the truth of her parents' divorce, so she will deliberately scratch her hand with a fruit knife, deliberately break her leg, and deliberately steal potato chips to attract the attention of her parents and let them have a common focus.
Finally, under the guidance of the counselor, Yuna's parents finally realized the crux of the problem, and Yuna also accepted the reality of her parents' emotional breakdown and went to independent growth.
After reading the story of this unit, I would like to say: warm healing has been achieved, the public's attention to psychological problems and the understanding of psychological counseling have increased, and some small bugs in performance methods can be ignored!
The play uses the method of family therapy, which is a rule to follow in the solution of psychological problems of adolescents.
Family therapy is a group psychotherapy model for families, the goal of which is to assist families in eliminating abnormal and pathological conditions in order to perform healthy family functions.
According to the theory of family therapy, Bowen, an American psychiatrist and the founder of systematic family theory, believes that the system of three people is the stable group with the least change in human relations.
The system of two people is unstable, and when there is a problem in the relationship between two people, one or both parties will turn to the sympathy or conflict of the other person and will attract a third party.
For example, if a husband and wife have an argument, sometimes they can't solve it, and they will catch a child in and involve the child.
For example, if the husband is busy at work, the wife will shift the happiness and attention to the children.
Many times, children as a third party are not passively pulled in, but they will run out to help their parents maintain a happy family.
In the play, Yuna's mother, as a strong presence, is critical of her husband, and her husband finally endures to the extreme and chooses to divorce and wants to leave the house to separate.
At this time, Yuna found a clue in the details of her parents' relationship.
Seeing her parents' cold war, hearing her parents arguing behind her back, and learning that her father was going to "travel", what she could do was to tie her parents together with her own "link" and prevent them from falling apart...
So, in the end, the consultant Horton summed it up correctly:
In your subconscious, the only consistent target is Yuna. So Yuna is always actively or passively involved in your contradictions. This leads to the child's uncertainty about her self-worth, which she will think is hers, which will lead to the failure of your marriage, and will also make her mistakenly believe that the two of you will only work together when she has problems.
There have been similar cases before:
Elementary school students suddenly do not want to go to school, but also often find various corners to hide for everyone to find, parents are puzzled to take him to psychological counseling.
After careful understanding, the counselor learned that the child's parents were in a divorce and often quarreled, and in a fortuitous situation, the child hid under the table and concentrated on playing, and the parents thought he was missing, so they called together to find a way to stop arguing.
It was this experience that made the child fascinated by "playing missing", because in his little mind, he thought that only if he disappeared his parents would he aim to become a whole again.
So, the view of family therapy is:
Do not focus on the analysis of the internal psychological structure and state of family members, but focus on the interaction and relationship of family members;
Explain individual behaviors and problems from the perspective of family systems;
Individual change depends on the change of the family as a whole.
The story comes from reality, and divorce in real life has become a social phenomenon worthy of attention after the college entrance examination for the sake of children.
Data show that the divorce case filing rate in the twenty days after the college entrance examination is two to three times that before the college entrance examination every year.
From the story and a large number of realistic cases, it can be seen that what really hurts each other and brings a huge psychological shadow to the child is not the divorce itself, but the communication mode of the husband and wife in the marriage.
So, what should be done in the midst of a family conflict and marriage crisis?
Here we recommend the communication mode proposed by the family therapy master Satya:
In our daily communication misunderstandings, there are the above four common: accusation, flattery, super-rational and fork.
In Yuna's case, her parents have been circling through these false patterns.
Mom accused Dad of taking care of his own exhibition regardless of his home, and Dad responded with super reason.
When faced with children, the husband and wife jointly chose to hide the way to break, thinking that this would prevent their daughter from being hurt.
At the end of the accusations, when the wife erupts and says the phrase "I look down on you", the husband's response is an emotionless "divorce it".
In this typical couple quarrel mode, a lot of family problems are exposed: ignoring one or more of the communication elements of "me, others, and situation".
The wife's accusations only consider the needs of themselves and the family, ignoring the feelings of the husband.
The husband's super-rationality ignores his wife and his own feelings, and only considers the situation - as an artist, I do a sculpture exhibition with the right name, and you make unreasonable trouble and we will divorce.
For his daughter to deceive himself, he is concerned about him, but he makes his daughter feel less trusted, and it is easier to suspect that she is insecure.
So, what is the best mode of communication? That is, the "consistent communication" of taking into account "me, others, and situations", the consistency of feelings and words, and the internal harmony.
For example, the above conversation switches to a consistent communication model:
The wife expressed her need: "I know that the exhibition is very important to you, but the child is about to take the college entrance examination, and I feel that I can't make a decision and need you to discuss it together." ”
The husband faced the accusation: "I am sorry to disappoint you, but this is my career and my pursuit, and I can't give up." ”
Facing the daughter together: "There are contradictions between us to separate, but we hope that you are getting better and better, and the love for you will not change." ”
Is there a difference?
In this mode, the child will also slowly learn to accept and be able to experience inner harmony.
In this regard, Faye Wong's approach is very worth learning. After the divorce, she was open to her ex-husband and gave her the greatest sense of security, so her daughter also grew up healthy and sunny.
Satya said, "Change is possible, and even if external change is limited, internal change is still possible." ”
Let us all start from understanding ourselves, caring for ourselves, appreciating ourselves, more communication, more connections, and get an ideal interpersonal relationship, intimate relationship, parent-child relationship!
Write at the end of the article:
Achieving benign and consistent communication is not achieved overnight, it requires self-awareness and acceptance, mutual trust and giving, and there will be failure and repetition.
In this process, it may be necessary to be guided and led by professionals to participate in individual or group growth courses, which is the meaning and value of the work of psychological counselors.
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