In 1933, Lu Xun and Qu Qiubai compiled the book "Shaw in Shanghai" was published, after the book was published, he as usual began to distribute the reserved new books to the relatives and friends who had sent books according to the address, and among the 6 people who were sent books, there was a woman with a very special identity, she was Lu Xun's friend and the daughter of Ma Youyu, the head of the Literature Department of Northern China: Ma Jue.
In the past, Lu Xun would send one to Ma Jue every time he published a book. But this time he hesitated to look at the book, and after a long time, he wrote a letter to Tai Jingnong, which was specially explained about the delivery of the book, in which Lu Xun wrote:
"Ben had a copy for Ma Jue, but it was not good to think that she was married and old enough to send books, but because the previous one had been sent, she had to send it, so I had to ask Child Yu to hand it over."
On the surface, this is a very small thing, but when you think about it carefully, it makes people wonder: why can't you send books when you are married, obviously Lu Xun is Ma Jue's elder!
The first person to explain the "demon" behind the anomaly here was Lu Xun's later cohabitant, Xu Guangping, the mother of Lu Xun's son Zhou Haiying. Xu Guangping Lu Xun's "Book of Two Places" published after his death especially includes the correspondence between Lu Xun and Ma Jue, and it is not difficult to see that Xu Guangping seems to have a vague expression when compiling this book, and what here naturally refers to emotion.
Later generations generally interpret Lu Xun's feelings for Hua Majue, a Peking University colonel at that time, as a crush. This point also seems to be Xu Guangping's view.
The most clear way to see a man's feelings for a woman, except for women who have an intimate relationship with men, are diaries and letters. When looking at Lu Xun's diary, people found that although Lu Xun did not communicate much with Ma Jue in his lifetime, he mentioned Ma Jue as many as 53 times in his diary.
And Lu Xun and Ma Jue also exchanged many letters, of which: Ma Jue sent 28 letters to Lu Xun, and Lu Xun replied with 13 letters, and sent books.
Of course, the diary mentions a woman's name countless times, and the frequent exchange of letters does not explain anything in itself, the key is to look at the content of the diary and letters.
For Lu Xun, a man who has a tendency to suppress love affairs and is more introverted in his own personality, judging his emotional degree of a woman often requires a comprehensive analysis of many factors such as her personality.
After sorting out this layer, we will talk about Lu Xun's daily state when he mentioned Ma Jue in his diary and letter.
"Night, Miss Demajue letter."
Lu Xun wrote this diary on January 3, 1926, when Lu Xun was 45 years old and Ma Jue was just 16 years old. At this time, Lu Xun did not know his later cohabitant, Xu Guangping.
Although Lu Xun already had a wife Zhu An in name at this time, for various reasons, the two have not been married, so Lu Xun is actually single.
Middle-aged men superficially see a downward trend in various physical states, but in fact, their emotional needs at this time, especially in spirit, are even greater than when they were young, which is why many men will encounter midlife crises.
In summary, Lu Xun, a normal middle-aged man when he met Hua Majue of Peking University, must have had a good feeling for him. Based on Lu Xun's personality and common sense, being able to specially mark it in a diary after receiving a woman's letter is enough to prove that the woman's position in her heart is not ordinary.
It is not known what kind of mood Lu Xun had on that day when he read this letter, but it is certain that this letter gave him emotional ups and downs. And this ups and downs will never be too small, otherwise, he will not want to stop talking.
Psychologically speaking, sometimes to penetrate a person's mind, you don't need to listen to what he says and see what he writes, but to listen to what he doesn't say, to see what he doesn't write.
In this diary, Lu Xun did not write his feelings when he received the letter, nor did he write the content of the letter, but only wrote the time when he received the letter: "Night".
So, why didn't Lu Xun write these things, did he think it was unnecessary? Obviously not, if he really felt that it was not necessary, he did not need to annotate this matter with a diary. The result, then, is that he doesn't write because he doesn't want to or can't.
And Lu Xun "does not want to", "can not" for only one reason: not suitable.
And this is not suitable for many aspects, one is to hinder his friendship with Ma Jue's father, but also to hinder the age difference between the two of them at 29 years old, and even more to the fact that he already has his original wife. Therefore, Lu Xun had to "treasure" this feeling in a very safe way into the diary, after all, this was the first love of Lu Xun's life.
Three years later, on May 17, 1929, Lu Xun wrote to Xu Guangping:
"This afternoon I visited the Unnamed Society, and then I went to see The Young Fish, but he did not return, and Ma Jue has been in the hospital for many days due to illness."
It is worth noting that at this time, Lu Xun and Xu Guangping have been together for a long time, and at this time Xu Guangping is pregnant with Zhou Haiying. At this time, it seems a little wrong to mention another woman in a letter to Xu Guangping, and has a lot of concern.
Then, 12 days later, in a letter to Xu Guangping, Lu Xun mentioned Ma Jue again, and he was very concerned, writing:
"At night, I ate at the young fisherman's house, and Ma Jue was still sick, and he had not seen him, and his illness was not light, but it was said that there was no danger."
In these eight words, the great writer Lu Xun used two vague words "said to be", "It is said that he can", and the more vague people are vague about one thing, the more he is worried, at this time Lu Xun's worry about Ma Jue's condition has really reached the point of "jumping on paper".
Xu Guangping was naturally aware of all this.
Later, Xu Guangping seemed to emphatically select Ma Jue's letter in the "Book of Two Places", thinking that she had already identified the relationship between the two in her heart.
What is even more surprising is that after Lu Xun and Xu Guangping were together, his correspondence with Ma Jue and his frequent mention of Ma Jue in his diary continued until after ma Jue, mentioned at the beginning of the article, was married.
Ma Jue was married in 1933 to Yang Guanbao, an ordinary Tianjin customs clerk.
The marriage match between Ma Jue, the "empress" of Peking University, and Yang Guanbao made a group of Peking University talents fall through their glasses, because in their eyes, this man and her suitors were compared to each other: it was simply ordinary to the extreme.
So when the wedding photos of the two were published in the Beiyang Pictorial, the people sighed: "A flower is planted on cow dung."
Ma Jue and Yang Guanbao did not take the initiative to inform Lu Xun, and the reason why this was so was that Ma Jue had seriously considered it. Compared with ordinary women, this girl who has been surrounded by men since she was a child has never handled emotional matters "properly". Naturally, her attitude towards the men around her is also more or less clear.
Therefore, Ma Jue's crush on Lu Xunyu is not completely unaware. This is the reason why she deliberately chose not to tell Lu Xun the news of the marriage, and this deliberate concealment was also related to an incident caused by Ma Jue's suitors at school.
When Ma Jue was studying at school, a student at Peking University committed suicide by jumping off a building because he did not succeed in pursuing her. Later, although the boy was rescued, Ma Jue officially entered the center of the whirlpool. In the whirlpool, Ma Jue, who had endured the "I don't kill Bo Ren, but Bo Ren died because of me", was worried all the time.
In order to prevent being swallowed up by the whirlpool, Ma Jue, who has always been low-key, had to make a public statement:
"I can't forbid people from liking me, but I have the freedom to like someone."
This is actually Ma Jue's way to get out, of course, as a talented and beautiful woman, she will not find a random object for escape. Someone she had here was actually her favorite object, that is, Yang Guanbao, the later marriage object.
Yang Guanbao is not only Ma Jue's admirer, but also her brother's friend, with this relationship, he will naturally "get the moon first near the water tower".
Of course, in real history, Yang Guanbao's favor with Ma Jue is not only because he is close enough to Ma Jue, but related to his love for Ma Jue.
As for why Ma Jue chose Yang Guanbao, in addition to the factors of long-term affection, it is more because: Ma Jue naturally likes to be ordinary. Therefore, the vigorous and extraordinary love that most women yearn for cannot enter her eyes, and even if it does happen, she will eventually even break free.
I have to admit that while most people want to create the extraordinary with their lives, some people are trying to pursue the ordinary. In contrast, the pursuit of the ordinary is actually more difficult than the pursuit of the extraordinary.
Because the pursuit of the ordinary often means the same as Ma Jue: accepting his own humility, weakness, and ordinaryness, and even needing to deliberately avoid the enthusiasm and prosperity to return to the plain.
Most people who are in the dust often do not understand that it is easy to be vigorous, but it is the most difficult to be stable and stable in a lifetime. There are many words in this world to describe the stability of a lifetime, such as "the present world is stable", "the years are quiet", and so on. But these words, which sound beautiful, are often not welcomed by most people because they are too bland.
But this kind of blandness is the best state in Ma Jue's eyes. From childhood to adulthood, because of her appearance, she has always lived in the focus of her eyes, which put pressure on her and made her begin to yearn for the life of an ordinary woman.
For Ma Jue, it is always best to stay quiet in his own world without affecting or being influenced by the world.
Heaven gave Ma Jue Peony the appearance, but she only wanted to be a small flower and grass. For ordinary women, it is natural to return to plainness, and for men and women such as Ma Jue, who are not ordinary in themselves, returning to plainness is precisely the result of the courage of ordinary people.
Later, Ma Juezhen became an ordinary woman, she gave up her career outside the home and only stayed at home to teach her husband and children, and only relied on her husband's salary to live a stable and solid life on weekdays.
After all, this kind of Ma Jue has disappointed the world, but she herself is mostly happy and comfortable, and it must be known that all this is the result of her own choice.
Many, many years later, when she saw Xu Guangping and Lu Xun's "Book of Two Places", Ma Jue was full of gratitude for Lu Xun's care for herself, and there was nothing else in her look.
This is Ma Jue, a woman who is willing to choose ordinary in her life, a woman who can be called Lu Xun's first love.
In 1994, at the age of 84, Ma Jue bid farewell peacefully, and since then, her life of stability has come to a successful end. As she left, she had a smile on her face.
Ma Jue seems to have lost money in this life, but the appearance of The City has become the most ordinary appearance, but is this really a loss?
Dare to "be a happy ordinary person" as an ideal, can not be counted as an ideal? Isn't this ideal life also a legend in another sense?