I watched a high-praise video on Douyin, crowded city streets, people coming and going, everyone living in a hurry. The video with copy is:
"Going to work every day is to get off work, and leaving work is to go to work the next day. Day after day, panic, but for the sake of breaking silver. ”
How many people, for the sake of breaking silver, are exhausted and breathless. When people reach middle age, there are old people on the top and small ones on the bottom. Not a quarter of an hour is spent living for oneself. As soon as you open your eyes, you work to pay off your mortgage, car loan, child training fees, parents' medical expenses...
We all live hard, but we don't seem to be happy.
Li Shi said: "The human world is not worth it. ”
However, a 90-year-old grandmother said: "The world is worth it." Nakamura is a psychologist. He is only 1 meter 48 and weighs 80 pounds. I have been practicing medicine for more than 70 years. She turns 90 this year, but she still works 4 days a week.
Many people have consulted her psychologically. Young people who are unhappy at work, middle-aged people who are not happily married, and elderly people who are afraid of death have their own troubles.
Nakamura, rather than a psychiatrist, is more like a wise and kind elder, who uses warm, loving words to rekindle hope and courage for those who consult her.
She wrote her own thoughts on life into the book "Worth it in the world", condensed into 36 insights of life, from which you can understand how this transparent old man understands life issues such as work, family, interpersonal relationships, and loneliness. I have distilled three points that I feel particularly deeply, and I hope to inspire you:
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" >1. About work: work is about making money, not for "self-actualization."</h1>
Nakamura Has been a doctor all her life, not because she has a lofty ideal for this profession, nor does she think of "saving lives and helping the injured", but only forced to make a living.
Nakamura is the second oldest in the family, with an older sister on top and two younger brothers and a younger sister below. The 16-year-old Hengzi studied at a girls' high school. There are many children in the family and the burden is heavy. Mom and Dad often said to 16-year-old Nakamura Hengzi: "After graduating from girls' school, don't study, either work or marry, in short, as soon as possible to support yourself." ”
What kind of work can a teenage girl do? It's nothing more than going into the factory. Day after day, hopelessly through this life. This is not the life that Hengzi wants.
Hengzi has an uncle who runs a clinic in Osaka. He once said, "If anyone is going to be a doctor, I can fund the entire tuition." ”
So, Hengzi decided to study medicine.
After graduating from medical university, Hengzi successfully became a doctor. She has no ambitions and has been working in hospitals with a fixed salary. I never thought about opening a clinic myself and making more money. When you are young, the meaning of work is to earn money and raise children. She continued to work after retirement age because the patient trusted her and needed her, so she continued to be an office worker.
"Why do people work?" This question, I don't know if you have thought about it?
For money? For self-actualization?
I recently had a friend who was going to quit naked. She found the job boring. Wages are low and there is little room for growth. After she decided to resign naked, she thought about what she really wanted to do.
My advice to her is to not be naked for the time being. The direction of life is not something that can be figured out by thinking about it. This stable job is done first, nine to six, no need to work overtime, and can take care of children. As for finding the direction of life, you can do it in your spare time.
The status of this friend actually represents a considerable number of professionals. Their misconception is that they want to get a high salary and hope that the work can be in line with "self-worth". It's often hard to do both.
A business is like a subway with a fixed direction. You work for a company, you are like a wheel on the subway, the role is to help the subway reach the destination quickly.
Working to earn money, essentially, is that you sell your time to help your boss achieve his dreams. Instead of realizing your own dreams.
Many people in the workplace, after working for a few years, always fall into a state of self-entanglement: they don't like the job, but they don't know what they like. I want to quit my job and find myself, but I can't let go of this livelihood that can support my family.
Nakamura has a very good suggestion for this type of person:
"When you're confused about 'what you're working for,' you simply and decisively tell yourself that 'work is just to earn money to support yourself'. This is the fundamental reason why people work. ”
"As for the 'value of life' and 'self-growth', it is necessary to wait for yourself to stand on a stable footing and slowly think about the problem in your leisure time. Life is long, just think slowly. ”
Nakamura Tsuneko worked as a worker all her life. For work, she can't talk about liking or hating. Work is a means for her to earn a living. Since it is a means, it does not matter whether it is likes or dislikes.
Hengzi said, "Working for money is not a shameful thing, it is a matter of course, I think it is very remarkable." ”
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="67" >2, about marriage: don't try to change your partner, so that you will be happier</h1>
When Nakamura was 27 years old, someone introduced her to a male surgeon, and the introducer said that the male doctor was very good.
The male doctor fell in love with Hengzi at first sight and quickly proposed that "he must marry me".
Hengzi was also moved: "My good feelings for him exceed ordinary love feelings." If you marry him, the family can go on outings and climb mountains, and it will definitely be very happy. With such anticipation, I decided to marry him. ”
Who knows, love is one thing, marriage is another.
After marriage, Hengzi discovered that her husband was addicted to alcohol. Every day after work, he would call friends and drink heavily. Others are good-looking, like to entertain guests, and spend lavishly. A month's salary was basically spent by him.
Hengzi was very angry at first, always arguing with her husband. He even used his killer skills many times: "If you drink like this again, we will divorce!" The husband verbally promised two sentences, and within two days he changed back to his old ways.
In the second year of marriage, the eldest son was born. Hengzi's work was interrupted for a time. Two years later, a second son was born. The burden on families became particularly heavy. But the husband is still like a small child, willfully spending money and drinking, and has no sense of responsibility to support the family.
After quarreling - making a divorce - stopping for two days - quarreling, such things happened several times, Hengzi finally wanted to understand one thing: it is difficult to change others.
Since you can't change others, you can only mediate yourself. She decided to work her own and support the family's finances on her own, rather than relying on her husband's income.
At that time, the original hospital always urged Hengzi to go back to work every three to five minutes. As a result, Hengzi ended her career as a housewife and returned to being a working woman.
She was busy at work and didn't have time to argue with her alcoholic husband. In addition, he has a salary, and he does not have to reach out to him for money.
When she gave up changing her husband's ideas, life became comfortable.
Hengzi wrote in "Worth it on earth": "Don't try to get happiness by changing others, but think about 'how to be happy about yourself' or 'how to try to make yourself happy here', I think this is the key that should be considered." ”
In fact, in real life, many women who enter marriage face similar problems to Hengzi. Husbands have problems of one kind or another, such as not being self-motivated. Other people's husbands start a business as bosses, earning tens of thousands of dollars a month, and their own husbands take thousands of salaries and barely make ends meet. Take widowhood, for example. When her husband comes home from work, Ge You lies and plays games, expecting him to take the child? Don't think about it.
Sometimes, marriage is not a haven, but a battleground. You want to be the winner and hopefully successfully reinvent your partner. But to be honest, it is very difficult to change the personality and behavior of others.
Everyone's marriage is a practice. What you ultimately cultivate is not your means of transforming others, but your ability to create happiness for yourself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="68" >3, about success: you don't have to be famous, you have your own life</h1>
There is a well-established interpretation of "success" in this society: there is money. People who can make a lot of money are very powerful. If you can't make a lot of money, you just don't make an interest.
Your dream life is to have a home and a car, financial freedom. And in reality, you, a 996 social animal, no house, no car, no money. Between desire and strength, the gap is too large, it is easy to produce anxiety.
Nakamura Wrote in "Worth it on Earth": "Some people know exactly what they 'want to do' at a very young age, and of course, there are also people who are late in life. In addition, there is an ordinary life in the eyes of others. In fact, everyone has a different life trajectory, and there is no need to compare with others. ”
Nakamura became a doctor only as a job, not because she had lofty ambitions. She has lived an ordinary life all her life. As the saying goes, be a monk for a day and hit a day's clock. She was the same, ninety years old, and she could still move, so she continued to do it. The waist and legs are not flexible, which reduces the workload a little.
She accepts her ordinariness honestly. Accept the fact that you are an ordinary person.
The reason why many people are anxious is because they can't accept, "Ah, it turns out that I am just an ordinary person." ”
Full-time moms can't compete in the workplace, but they can prepare three beautiful meals for their families. A small clerk can't make a big strategy, but he can complete a small document in his hand. Little people may not have the dazzling light of the sun, but, as Hengzi wrote in the book, "It is enough to achieve fame without success, as long as you can illuminate a certain corner." ”
I don't know when it started, but mourning, confusion, and anxiety have become the main themes of life. How many people agree with Li Tian's sentence that "the world is not worth it". Is life really that hard? If you can't hold on, you might as well sit down and watch "Human Worth It."
This book was shortlisted for the 2020 annual book list of People's Daily and Fan Deng, and the "Top Ten Influential Good Books" of Reader in 2019. In this age of anxiety, this is a little philosophical book that can calm your mind. Interested friends can click on the product link below to purchase:
"Worth it on earth" Nakamura Tsuneko ¥39 to buy