Today is the 2939th day of intensive reading to accompany you throughout your lifelong growth
01
Recently, Li Ziqi, who disappeared for 3 months, suddenly became a hot search.
The first appearance during this period was an interview with CCTV's "Lu Jian Interview" a few days ago.
In the program, Li Ziqi attacked the plain clothes and talked with the host about the past, the present, and the future. When asked about the three things he most wanted to do so far, Li Ziqi talked about it:
First, do a pilot that can be copied, disseminated, recycled, and promoted, so that the fathers and fellow villagers in their hometown can get rich together and achieve increased income in a real sense.
Second, continue to disseminate intangible cultural heritage.
Third, guide teenagers correctly. She said she didn't want to ask young people what they wanted to do in the future, they just wanted to be Internet celebrities and celebrities. I hope that young people can have the right values, study well, and truly seize every opportunity.
Originally, the three views were quite positive in the answer, but I saw several harsh comments in the comment area:
"Li Ziqi is just an actor, setting up his own person too well, be careful of collapse."
"Sure enough, it was still the packaging effect, and I suddenly didn't know who this woman was, and I was standing again."
"You're an influencer yourself, but you can really package yourself."
In fact, since Li Ziqi became popular, such a voice has not been broken.
Especially every time she "rolls over", there is always someone who charges on the road that blacks her.
They could not accept that a rural girl who was about the same age as themselves, or even who was not at all inferior to themselves, had earned a wealth that they would never have in their lifetime in just a few years.
Therefore, they always took a magnifying glass, looking for clues to her overturning, and looking for opportunities to blacken her in order to protect their poor and broken self-esteem.
In the entry "413: Rationalization" in the Dictionary of Lifelong Growth, Jing yanjun mentions several psychological defense mechanisms for maintaining self-esteem, one of which is the sour grape psychology, that is, when what you pursue is not enough to obtain, you will be degraded and attacked.
For example, some people with low appearance will hold the view of "red face and water"; some boys can't catch up with girls and will say that the other party is "watery Yanghua"; some people with weak sports ability will say "developed limbs and simple minds".
This kind of psychology, to say that a good point is a kind of defense, is actually self-deception, unwilling to face up to their own shortcomings, and can not see others good.
In life, everyone seems to have such a person around them, and the more others look at the same level as themselves and the track is similar, the more they are not good.
As Russell said in The Road to Happiness, a beggar would not be jealous of a millionaire, but he would certainly be jealous of a beggar with a higher income.
02
Li Yundi's overturn this time, on the one hand, has his own problems, on the other hand, he is actually harmed by the "beggar psychology" of Chen Mouhui's companion.
I believe that people who have watched the media breaking news in the past few days know that the reason why Li Yundi will be planted is that it began with Chen Mouhui's show-off.
Chen Mouhui, who does peripheral business, shows off to his sisters in the same industry that he has a star appointment and can make a lot of money.
As a result, the sisters were jealous and reported her with their backhand.
So the police touched the melon and touched the transaction transfer record of Li Yundi in Chen Mouhui's mobile phone, and naturally targeted Li Yundi.
This example may not be an appropriate one, but the truths revealed are common.
In "You from the Stars", Qian Songyi has a passage:
Human nature is like this, seeing others climb higher than you, it is not that I am going to go there, but to say to others, you come down, come down, come into this quagmire.
When you have a better life than me, I can't help but want to destroy you.
This kind of psychology, which appears to be jealousy on the surface, is actually a more primitive and lower emotion than jealousy, called "envy".
Mist Rose, the counselor, says that envy is limited to duality, pointing to the object of love (the important other person itself): because you have what I desire but do not have, I want to destroy you, with a kind of anger.
"You're doing so well, and I'm a scumbag, it's not fair!"
In order to eliminate psychological imbalances, people develop several main forms of defense:
(1) Demeaning. Through self-deprecation, let yourself feel that you are not worthy of the beauty you desire, and you will no longer be delusional.
As mentioned earlier, the psychology of "seeing no one is good" only occurs in people who are similar to their own track, and it is psychologically better to relegate themselves to this track, after all, beggars will not be jealous of millionaires.
(2) Isolation. In order not to experience strong hostility and pain, become an emotionally indifferent person and no longer connect with others.
Some time ago, there was a hot search on Weibo: should I share joy with my friends?
A netizen posted on Weibo: "When sharing joy with friends, it is really a little sad to be replied like this.""
From the chat records, it can be seen that netizens do not make out of line, but they just told their friends that they did a big project with a good commission, but they were coldly replied by friends, "Don't tell me about such things in the future, you make me very anxious."
This friend is defended by trying to isolate similar messages or even not establish contact with friends.
(3) Destruction. The good things you get, but I can't get, then I will ruin you and your beautiful life, and my pain will disappear.
Chen Mouhui's friend used this kind of defense.
And this way of defense reflects the darkest and most stupid side of human nature.
03
In fact, everyone more or less retains feelings of envy.
After all, no one is perfect, human nature also has its many faces, the more good and evil arise together, the more it shows that this person is full of personality.
Therefore, "seeing people is not good" is actually not much terrible, we can also understand that this is a primitive emotion at work, but also part of human nature, but everyone's defense ability is different.
The way in which to deal with the aroused envy is the most critical.
Miss Rose mentioned in an article that to eliminate such demons, the most important thing is to try to accept yourself, not only to see your own limitations, but also to learn to dance with limitations, in order to have more freedom of mind.
Accepting one's own limitations is to accept one's own shortcomings while seeing the "goodness" of others and learning to take advantage of the situation.
I once saw a story on Zhihu:
When A was a freshman, she won an award in an English speaking competition, and when A was full of joy and shared the award with her roommate, everyone was congratulating her, only B's classmate was unhappy, closed the dormitory door and left.
A realizes that her actions may have hurt B because spoken English has always been her weakness, and B has made jokes in class because of this weakness.
That night, A told B how to practice spoken English and sent her a lot of information.
B felt like he saw hope, and since then, no matter how much A was speaking in the dormitory or in the class, B had lost his previous hostility and dissatisfaction, and often asked A to correct his pronunciation.
Later, A became B's best friend in college.
The reason why this story ended happily is due to A's keen sense of B's hostility, accurate analysis of the reasons for it, and high emotional intelligence to resolve it.
On the other hand, if B is immediately aware of this emotion after the envy is stimulated, and learns to take advantage of the situation and take the initiative to ask A for advice, the final outcome is the same, and perhaps it can be more complete.
The greatest stupidity of human nature is to see people badly.
No matter what stage of life you go, there are always a handful of people who are better than you.
Smart people will borrow and try to make themselves such excellent people.
Stupid people choose to isolate or destroy, preferring to live in a crowd that is inferior to themselves, trampling, being dragged, and being pulled on their legs, rather than seeing the people around them soar.
04
Someone derived a theory from the story of the tortoise and rabbit race, called the "turtle and rabbit win-win theory":
In the mountains, rabbits carry turtles on their backs and run wildly. When it came time to the river, the turtle swam across the river with the rabbit on its back. In the end, the two reached the finish line together.
That's a win-win.
Although a person can sometimes go faster, but after all, his strength is limited, if he has always regarded the excellence of others as a thorn in his eye and a thorn in his flesh, and confines himself to a narrow mode of thinking, in exchange for short-term superficial progress and long-term substantive stagnation.
If you want to go further, you must go together in a group of people, change your mentality to treat the shining points of others, learn eagerly, and borrow at the right time.
Win-win is the highest level of win.
Seeing that the people around you are good, in fact, you are cutting off your own back road, and in the end, you are still harming yourself.
Therefore, when the people around us are better off than ourselves, we should be happy.
Because at this time, don't say that everyone pulls us, even if only one or two people pull us, our lives will change qualitatively.
If the people around us are developed, we will naturally not be worse; if the people around us are down, we will naturally not be much better.
What you look like sometimes depends on the people around you.
What is a pattern?
The pattern is to stand in a higher place and look forward, look at the long term, be open-minded, and mature in thought.
Achieving others is the best way to achieve yourself.