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01
Some people say that Yue Lingshan in Mr. Jin Yong's "Smiling Proud of the Jianghu" is an affectionate woman, saying that once she is in love with Lin Pingzhi, she will give up her life to love, no matter what Lin Pingzhi does, she has always been in love.
If you understand it from the literal meaning of the book, it is true that she did not leave Lin Pingzhi until her death, and died at the hands of Lin Pingzhi. But this can not be concluded that she is affectionate, even if the era of marrying chickens with chickens and dogs with dogs, the characters may not necessarily suppress themselves because of worldly concepts, and if they really go into the hearts of the characters to see, she will inevitably have a lot of dissatisfaction with Lin Pingzhi.
For her, it is not only love and can not be, but also love to disappointment, in such a feeling, if you do not leave with a cruel heart, you are doomed to have no good end. It is the same today, whether it is really infatuated, or self-made, or hoping for luck, when love is not possible, you should not continue to love people who do not belong to you.
Just like the phoenix man Ah Chen's spit on his ex-girlfriend: "I loved her deeply, and she betrayed me, hurt me, and when I loved and couldn't help it, I chose to let go, but when it was her turn to love and couldn't, she was entangled with me." I can't get love from others, I think I can marry me if I get divorced, I reject her, she pesters me, she doesn't respect me, what can I do, I can only be cruel to her. ”
02
The relationship between Ah Chen and his ex-girlfriend Xiao Rui is simply "love and can't be", and to the complexity, it is mixed with infatuation, betrayal, and division.
Zhou Guoping said in the book "The Starry Sky of Thought": "If the beloved person leaves you, you will definitely suffer." But the passion of love leaves you, and you don't feel a single pain, because your dead heart no longer has the ability to perceive pain. ”
This sentence is the inner portrayal of Ah Chen, once he was very obsessed with Xiao Rui, making money for her to spend, accommodating her various shortcomings, but the result did not get a happy love, because he spoiled Xiao Rui, who thought he was great Xiao Rui, pampered and proud, the more he gave, the more she asked for more, the result became a vicious circle.
It is impossible for Ah Chen not to feel tired in such feelings, and once he feels tired, the passion of love will dissipate, and in this case, if he still lets the feelings continue, it will only be enough.
Perhaps because he is a phoenix man, the sense of responsibility is relatively heavy, even if the love is only famous, he did not break up, but also staged an excessive combination of drama, until Xiaorui finally betrayed him, in the case of no breakup directly married to someone else, their love is temporarily over.
I say that it is over for the time being because there is still a follow-up.
For Ah Chen, Xiao Rui betrayed him and left him, he was not wrong in love, the breakup was not his fault, he thought that he had done his best, and then he no longer had to pay for this relationship, just love himself.
And for Xiao Rui, from frugality to luxury, from luxury to frugality, Ah Chen gave her a high quality of life, she definitely wants a higher quality of life, however, the man she married does not have the ability to make her wish, when the quality of life is reduced, it is not as good as the original, she is disappointed, regretful, and wants to reunite with Ah Chen.
Unfortunately, she didn't ask Ah Chen, so she took it upon herself to divorce, taking it for granted that Ah Chen would definitely reunite with her, and after Being rejected by Ah Chen, she became angry and ashamed: "I divorced for you, why don't you marry me?" ”
Because At this time, Ah Chen had completely given up on her, any entanglement of hers was a disturbance to him, not to mention that she was unreasonable. He did not accommodate her as he did when he was in love before, but said angrily: "Don't bite people like a mad dog, I don't know that you are divorced, let alone encourage you to divorce, why do you say that you divorced for me?" Even if you are for me, it is your own sentimentality, what does it have to do with me? I just loved you, not still in love with you, your divorce is your business, your divorce does not mean that I must marry you, I am not your spare tire! ”
This cruel attitude of his should be shown when he first loved and could not be, otherwise there would not be so many things to follow. On the other hand, Xiao Rui's marriage proposal was rejected, it is also a kind of love and can not be, she is cruel, but not cruel to give up, not cruel to say goodbye, but like a mad dog to bite people, which is destined to humiliate herself and make herself miserable.
03
Some say there's only one best way to run a relationship: don't give too much, and don't ask for too much.
Indeed, looking at the relationship between Ah Chen and Xiao Rui with this point of view, it is not difficult to find the problem: Ah Chen pays too much, almost blindly; Xiao Rui takes too much, almost insatiable.
Don't say it's them, put on any couple or couple, there will be no good results in such a problem, because there is no equality between two people, imbalance, it must be too unfair to one of them, and in the end, it must be love and not be disappointed.
In such a relationship, the person who loves and cannot pay in exchange for disappointment should say goodbye most fiercely, and should not be merciful, otherwise he will always feel unwilling to pay for himself in vain afterwards, and such pain has no outlet and will accompany him for life.
For people like Xiao Rui, when you love and can't, you should also learn to say goodbye fiercely, because it is your fault, the other party has a reason not to love you, you must not only say goodbye to him fiercely, but also say goodbye to your past self, don't let yourself be so greedy, otherwise you will frequently make mistakes in love after that, and you will always be miserable.
If you want to fundamentally avoid love and can't, you should learn how to manage a relationship well, not only to make yourself pay and take mixed, but also to ask the other party to do the same, from the time of choosing love or marriage to pay attention to this problem, and continue to practice together, it will be long-lasting.