Once upon a time, there were many cobras in Delhi, India, which seriously affected people's lives and economic development.
To deal with this problem, the local government has introduced a measure that rewards a cobra for dealing with it.
Soon, there were a lot fewer cobras in the local area.
Just when everyone was about to breathe a sigh of relief, they suddenly found that many people had started breeding cobras. If you raise the snake, you will receive the reward and you will be rich.
As a last resort, this measure can only be abolished.
Without rewards, the breeders are "unprofitable" and release all cobras into the wild. led to a further proliferation of local cobras. The issue of governance is more prominent.
This is known as the Cobra Effect.
A place that is not properly handled will breed a series of problems; The same is true for a family.
As the pillar of the family, the male owner often holds the right to decide the rules of the family's operation and the economic power, and it is not surprising that if the role is not grasped accurately, or the role is not played properly, the family will fail.
Usually, in a failed family, the male owner is likely to have the following situations.
01
The days are too busy: apart from making money, I can't take care of my family.
On Zhihu, someone asked: "What is the experience of being very busy?" ”
Gao Zan's reply was: "They are very busy, even if they are free, it has nothing to do with you." What they care about is money, and then tell you that such a good life is all in exchange for him. ”
Yes, I have seen too many fathers who think that with money, there is everything. Moreover, the happy family is built by him with money, and the person who has the first credit is him.
In my father's eyes, everything was centered on the economy.
They don't know what the consequences will be if they neglect their love for their family and just give them money.
First, if there is more money, children can sit back and enjoy it, so it breeds extravagance, and thus the possibility of losing the family is greater.
Second, the wife takes the money and asks the nanny to work, and she doesn't do anything herself, so she is drunk and gold-obsessed, and the probability of meeting a third party is greater.
Third, the husband only looks at money, so his heart is insufficient, and he falls into greed. Or even to the fall.
Fourth, if there is no time to manage everything in the family, the role of the father is not in place, and the cohesion of the family is reduced.
Writer Sanmao said: "Comedy in the world does not need money to produce, and most of the tragedies in the world are inseparable from money." ”
Just like the people who keep cobras, for money, without regard for morality and without fear of danger, the result is very sad. Too much money breeds bad habits.
02
Too fierce temper: In addition to being angry, go to extremes.
In one place, because of a measure, there was an increase in the number of people breeding cobras. Later, regardless of the consequences, the measures were immediately abolished. This is from one extreme, to the other.
The ancient Roman statesman Cicero said, "Extreme laws are extreme injustices." ”
As a male host, how to make good use of one's decision-making power should be well thought out, with hard measures and flexible practices.
If the father never listens to everything; From grasping hard to ignoring everything, this makes the family go to extremes and thus fail.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, there was a child named Min Ziqian, after the death of his biological mother, his father remarried and had two sons.
Min Ziqian has been beaten and scolded by his stepmother for a long time, but his father has been busy with his own affairs and has never found out.
One cold winter, Min Ziqian drove a carriage for his father.
Because of the cold, Min Ziqian shivered and drove unsteadily. And his father beat him with a whip. Soon, the clothes were rotten, and the reeds inside flew out.
Only then did his father find out that Min Ziqian was treated poorly by his stepmother, and he wore reed clothes in winter, not a cotton jacket.
When he returned home, his father was angry and wanted to divorce his wife.
Fortunately, Min Ziqian knelt down and begged his father not to divorce his wife, so as to avoid his two younger brothers and being homeless. When my father heard this, he dismissed the idea of divorce from his wife.
The biologist Charles Darwin said, "Temper tantrums are one of the more despicable human natures, and to lose one's temper is to take a step back on the ladder of human progress." ”
A man's temper comes up, and it is terrible, and his decisions and behaviors are often very extreme.
In extreme circumstances, it is impossible to manage the family well and promote family harmony. In the end, it can only be regretted.
As a father or husband, if you can't control your temper, you will yell nonsense, and the rules in the family are also nonsense.
03
The pattern is too small: except for the present, do not look at the future.
Any policy must take into account long-term development and involve all aspects.
Policies and policies are linked to each other, and they must not be sloppy.
In the family, the pattern of men, the end of children, the end of marriage, and the end of family business.
A man who has not thought about the long term is giving orders, which is unthinkable.
Father's vision is that the family's hundred-year plan cannot be sloppy, and cannot be started and abolished at will.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, the Lu State had a measure that the slaves who were redeemed from other countries and brought back to the Lu State could get a reward.
Zigong was a wealthy businessman who ransomed slaves from the field, but did not reward them.
When Confucius knew about this, he immediately found Zigong: "Give it a loss." From now on, the Lu people do not redeem people. ”
That is to say, Zigong didn't want to be rewarded, so it got off to a bad start. People will not do it because they will not be rewarded, and the measures will not work.
Although Zigong has money, he still has to get rewards for redeeming slaves, so that the measures can be fully operated and can be sustainable for a long time.
Men, when buying a house, sending their children to school, finding a way out for the family, arranging for their parents to provide for the elderly, and forming family rules, must consider the long-term.
04
Bacon said, "A man seems to be omnipotent, but in fact he is dominated by the great affection behind him." ”
If a family fails, and the man is incapable, the family should not blame blindly, but find a way to change together.
First, strengthen internal communication, promote the wisdom of the crowd, and achieve common goals.
Second, the wife should be a good helper, and do the duty of reminding and helping to change.
Third, we have to look at one generation, plan three generations, and after each generation becomes an adult, it will become the protagonist of the family in time, and it must be smoothly replaced, rather than a man growing old and still the number one.
The ancients said: "The wife is virtuous and the husband is less troubled, and the son is filial to the father." ”
A good family, husband and wife work hand in hand, father and son work together to create the future.
A good family, the family has family rules, timely adaptation, and has always been forward-looking.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.