Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Unlike the dreamlike romance of the love stage, marriage is seen as a key turning point in life, and its meaning is deeply related to responsibility in intimate relationships.
As the saying goes, marriage is a siege, and the joys and sorrows of it are only known to those who have experienced it, and the slightest negligence may lead to a situation of parting ways.
A team of researchers from Kingston University in the UK conducted a detailed investigation of the question.
A survey of 10,000 people aged 16 to 60 across the UK showed that while some women may experience financial problems after a divorce, they are generally happier than men and are more satisfied with their life after divorce.
The findings were published in the journal Economics and have had a wide impact over the past two decades.
In the first five years of marriage, the vast majority of women feel very satisfied, even beyond their previous levels of happiness.
Professor Yannis Georgellis, director of the Centre for Employment, Skills and Society Studies (CRESS) at Kingston Business School, analyzed,
"Much of the reason for this increase in happiness in women is that women feel more free after a divorce. ”
This mental ease and comfort comes from a kind of "psychological adaptation", that is, the degree to which people adapt and accept the new environment.
The study also noted that men are hit harder by such negative events, which can last up to five years.
Last year, Mr. Li, who is 40 years old, came to me for counselling. Just last year, in the late winter and early spring, his ex-wife filed for divorce because she was in love with another man.
Although Mr. Li tried to save the marriage, saying that he was willing to forgive everything, as long as his ex-wife could stay and maintain a complete family, the ex-wife's determination was determined, and finally Mr. Li reluctantly completed the divorce procedures in the civil affairs department.
Mr. Li knew that his ex-wife had always been dissatisfied with his introversion and simplicity, believing that he could not provide a rich life for her and her children.
In fact, he understood that his ex-wife did not really love him, so in the year after the divorce, his ex-wife seemed to have disappeared, and she was never heard from, and she did not even come back to visit her children.
Despite this, Mr. Li once hoped that his ex-wife would change her mind. However, as time went on, he couldn't get in touch with her, and eventually stopped waiting and began to accept blind dates arranged by his family, and now he has found a new love interest.
But at this moment, his ex-wife suddenly appeared, hoping that Mr. Li would give her another chance, claiming that she was young and ignorant at the beginning, and now she has realized her mistake and regrets it. Faced with this situation, Mr. Li was hesitant and unsure whether he should re-admit his ex-wife.
In 2023, the number of marriage registrations nationwide will reach 7.680 million, while the number of divorce registrations will be 2.593 million. According to the national marital status list, the total number of marriage registration cases is 6.835 million, and the total number of divorce registration cases is 2.879 million pairs.
In contrast, the number of marriage registrations nationwide rebounded, with an increase of 845,000 couples, or about 12.4 per cent, while the number of divorce registrations decreased by 286,000 couples, or about 9.9 per cent.
This data reflects that as society becomes more open and inclusive, divorce seems to be a breeze for many young people, as part of everyday life.
However, from a psychological perspective, divorce is not only about procedural issues such as the division of property and child support in law, but also involves the inner renunciation of past lives and the rupture of intimate relationships.
The process is supposed to be long, complex, and emotionally heavy, often accompanied by inevitable regrets.
Marriage involves a wider range of family matters than is often the case in relationships, and even when the parties are separated, there are still many ties between the two families.
Therefore, while time may ease the pain of a breakup, regret after a divorce is not easily dissipated, especially for those who have a reduced quality of life after a divorce.
Like Mr. Lee's ex-wife, many people are anxious to divorce, thinking that they can't bear their existing life and are anxious to get rid of each other, but only when life is not satisfactory after the divorce, they begin to realize the preciousness of past relationships and life.
This feeling stems from the psychological effect of "emotional frustration", which is caused by the gap between the expectations of a new life and reality.
After the relationship ends, if you fail to find a new support for your full emotions, or if your new life does not go as expected, it is easy to regret it.
Professor Zhang Lixi has pointed out that the most significant gender conflict in modern marriage stems from the mismatch of expectations. This conflict manifests itself in two main ways:
On the one hand, with the change of women's roles and economic independence, women have more social resources, their family status has been improved, and the requirements for men have also increased.
For example, if women earn more than men, they may want men to take on more family responsibilities at home.
However, men's traditional beliefs may still be ingrained and fail to meet women's expectations, or even consider it inconceivable, insisting that women should "return to the family".
On the other hand, the unchanged role of men in the family makes it difficult for them to adapt to the changing role of women. Under the traditional concept of "male dominated, female dominated", men's anxiety increases, they still expect women's obedience, and it is difficult to understand and accept the changes in women's roles.
As the awareness of the rights of both sides increases, these contradictions are becoming more and more difficult to reconcile.
Whether married or divorced, people's original intention is to pursue happiness and a good life. However, as an adult, everyone must face the consequences of their choices.
When you decide to abandon your marriage and bet on an unknown future, you should be held accountable regardless of the outcome. At this point, it is obvious that it is useless to talk about regret.
After all, marriage and relationship should not be taken lightly, and cherishing the current life is the most rational choice.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: marriage, psychology
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