It turns out that when "whispering", children are more willing to listen

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

"Hurry up! Blocked people, don't you have long eyes! ”

When the elevator first opened, a boy pushed his bicycle out.

Because the rear of the car was facing outward, and he was still a little unskilled, slowly moving.

Dad was already a little impatient and loudly reprimanded him.

The child blushed and hurriedly pushed.

"How many times have I said that you don't want to push the car out at this point, there are so many people, but you don't have ears."

The father's intention is good, he hopes that the child will be faster, and he can change the time and not disturb other neighbors.

But when the father yelled at the child in a fierce tone, the original good intentions should also be greatly reduced in the child's heart.

There are too many of these scenarios around us.

In the morning, urge the child to brush his teeth and wash his face, and when the child rubs, he will immediately roar a few words.

Urging children to write homework, always yelling, "Why are you so brainy!" ”

"How many more times do you have to tell me before you remember!"

……

When emotions come up, the whole room is often surrounded by angry echoes.

2

If you love children, start by controlling the volume!

Children prefer adults to communicate in low tones rather than loud yelling.

There are many parents who judge whether a teacher can manage the class well, depending on whether the teacher's voice is loud or not, is it fierce enough? So that the child will be obedient.

But in fact?

Managing a child well is not about tone, but about true love and respect.

When communicating, in addition to the language itself, the most intuitive thing is intonation.

I remember when I was in middle school, I had two very different homeroom teachers.

A teacher is gentle, rarely throws tantrums at us, and always smiles on his face.

She treats every student very well, does not embarrass him because of who has poor grades, and often gives stationery to children from disadvantaged families.

The classmates respect her, abide by discipline and studiousness, and have a good class style.

I remember when she was transferred, almost the class cried.

The classmates loved her more.

There is also a homeroom teacher, a grumpy male teacher.

He would always call out the mischievous classmates to stand at the back of the classroom.

Then count them loudly and make them ugly.

I think this will keep them disciplined.

Once, a tall boy got into a fight with him, and the two scuffled together in the back of the classroom.

When he was there, the class was always silent, and the sound of needles falling could almost be heard.

Because he might suddenly yell at you: "Stand up and get out!" ”

Or just pat you on the back of the head and grab your ears to lift people up.

But as soon as he turned around and went out, there was immediately a commotion.

It seems to be a rebellion against the teacher.

The students were more afraid of him.

We often say that parents are a child's first teacher.

Communicate with the child, which method is chosen, and the final result will be different.

The practices of these two teachers should give some inspiration.

What is the adult's intention, is it transmitted to the child, or to the child's fear?

Is it equal respect, or condescending reprimand?

The child's heart can be clearly felt.

They may not be able to articulate that feeling, but their hearts will guide the direction of their actions.

3

If you also yell at your child a lot.

Try it and lower your voice to talk to your child.

The management of emotions is a science.

No one is born with it, even if we are parents, our temperaments and personalities are still different.

It takes time to learn.

Came temper, want to control the tone, give you a few suggestions:

1. Self-awareness and analysis. We must try to have an objective understanding of our temper, am I more gentle and gentle, or impatient and impulsive? With self-awareness, you can detect your emotions, such as often irritable, then tell yourself, don't do this, you can express it in another way.

2. Learn to stabilize your emotions. For example, take a deep breath, or temporarily leave the situation, and talk about it later. Because caught in the emotional vortex, it will only get more and more out of control. And endure for a while, endure a little longer, the anger passes, and often it will not be so angry.

3. Think about the child's good, calm down and talk about it. Don't hold on to your child's problems, think about your child's strengths. And talking to the child when you are calm will be better. Especially with adolescent children, confrontation with each other will only inspire contradictions.

4

In the process of raising children, don't be too anxious, give your children more time.

Many mothers say that their children just don't listen and like to grind.

After careful inquiry, I realized that after calling once without moving, I was on fire, and I almost went to drag the child after calling three times.

But sometimes the child is doing his own thing, and the ear may not hear at all.

Or maybe he doesn't want to do what you set out.

So what to do?

Let us know before you start what you should do when you start.

Let the child have a mental preparation.

Then a few minutes before you start, a reminder.

In this way, children often do not dislike and grind, but will act immediately.

It is normal to remind once or twice as appropriate.

Don't think that your child will move as soon as he says something to be called obedient.

Of course, if you remind you many times, the child just doesn't do it.

For example, if he doesn't do his homework, he just wants to watch his mobile phone or cartoons, what should he do?

These are other issues, such as the scheduling of time, the formulation of rules, the cultivation of learning attitudes, etc.

But parents can never solve these problems by yelling loudly.

Instead, it will only make these problems worse.

Because yelling is just an outlet for emotions and achieves a temporary educational effect.

The side effects are significant.

If you always yell at your child, your child will tend to follow the example of his parents.

Over time, it is easy for children to develop a violent personality.

In fact, you will find that the original voice is lower, and the child will not only listen.

Even more willing to listen, the effect is better.