To prevent me from leaving home for college, my controlling mother stole the acceptance letter

Jiajia, a 17-year-old girl, got the admission notice of the Central Academy of Drama this summer. However, 11 days before enrollment, key documents such as admission notices, ID cards, and household registration books disappeared. The person who took these things privately was her mother, all in order to obstruct Jiajia's enrollment.

Jiajia decides to resist and carries out a complete escape. She wants to get back her entrance qualifications, and the freedom and life she should control.

Here's her statement:

Text | Wu Xiang

Editor|Chu Ming

1

At 8 a.m. on August 14, I woke up and didn't notice anything wrong. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, ate breakfast, said hello to my parents, like all children, and went to make sure my acceptance letter was safe.

I had a swimming lesson in the morning, which started at 9 o'clock, and I had to go. Before I left, I met my mother in the living room, and she seemed to be in a good mood and stable. We haven't spoken properly for a long time, and I spoke first:

"Mom, I'm going to pay my tuition today. The 15th (tomorrow) is the deadline."

"Don't worry, I'll take you in the afternoon, you go to swimming lessons first." A short conversation, but enough to make me happy for a long, long time.

Swimming lessons were mom's suggestion. In early August, she saw the flooding in the north on the news and asked me to learn to swim: "So that I can protect myself in school." I didn't think it made sense, but I did it.

She had always opposed me leaving Chongqing for university, but suddenly she let go. I was surprised and puzzled, but I didn't ask much, I knew since I was a child that if you see good, you will accept it. On July 26th, I got the admission notice of the drama education major of the Central Academy of Drama, and the school will start on the 25th of this month.

On the way, I remembered something that worried me a little. A week ago, my mother suddenly asked me to borrow money, saying that I wanted to pay off my mortgage. After my junior year of high school, my mother hardly had a formal job, and she did have loans for several houses, so I transferred 30,000 yuan from my savings of 40,000 yuan to her. That money was the bonus that my grandfather and relatives gave me after I was admitted to university.

At the time, I guessed that my mother might withhold the money, but we had a long stalemate over the college entrance examination volunteers, and I wondered if she would just test me. Perhaps, after getting the money, I see that I have a good attitude, and will you transfer it back to me? This time, I chose to back down, hoping to ease our relationship.

Alas, I don't want to, let's go to class first.

Source: Visual China

2

During my swimming lessons, I noticed a strange thing: my mobile phone number was down, I couldn't make calls, and I was disconnected. I vaguely sensed something was wrong. After the swimming lesson, around 11 o'clock, I got home. The house was quiet, there was no one, and I suddenly felt fear and a chill in my back.

I went back to my room, panicked, opened my bag, and the acceptance letter, the bank card designated by the school to pay tuition, the ID card, the MacBook, the iPad, and my spare phone were all gone. Only a pen and a note were left on the table that read: Sorry!!

It must be my mother. I immediately sent a message to my friend and asked her to go out and get a calling card for me, because at that time, I could not contact others when I left the wifi area of the house. After getting the acceptance letter, I was excited and carefully read the above instructions. I was very impressed that the acceptance letter is mandatory for registration. My mom did this, and it was a shame.

My mother didn't want me to read Chinese opera, she wanted me to stay in Chongqing as a teacher for the rest of my life.

Every day after I got my acceptance letter, I felt like I was hiding a treasure. I never dared to tell my mother where the admission notice was hidden, and I changed places every few days, cabinets, school bags, and the bottom of the bed.

This time I was able to find it so accurately, I feel that my mother must have stepped on it in advance. Ginger is still old and spicy. Now it seems that whether she borrowed money a week ago or promised to take me to pay my tuition this morning, she lied to me.

On June 25th, the results of the Chongqing college entrance examination were announced. I scored 563 points, which is not high, but my family and I are satisfied. I don't know where my mother learned about the existence of targeted normal students, and began to instill in me the benefits of directional normal students every day.

But I later checked the information and found that the targeted normal students must return to their place of origin to work for more than 6 years after graduation, and once they default, they need to return all the scholarships they have earned, make up the tuition and miscellaneous fees, and pay part of the training fees to the school, that is, liquidated damages. More seriously, it will also affect credit reporting.

Later, I found out that my mother did not know these latter conditions, she only knew that this would allow me to be under her control for at least 6 years after graduation. In the past 6 years, work, marriage, childbirth, and house purchase, she can arrange the most important things in my life.

On June 30, the last day of volunteering, the family quarrel about volunteering reached a climax. The deadline for filling in is 6 p.m. At noon, I locked myself in my room and wanted to fill it out myself. But my mother kept tugging at the doorknob of my room, and kept saying, "This is my house." I hid in my room and didn't dare to cry, still not wanting to open the door. Then she started kicking the door and pulling hard at the doorknob, and seeing that I didn't mean to open the door, she started smashing the door.

Knock knock. I saw that the door kept shaking and the parts of the doorknob began to loosen ...

I ran to open the door in a panic. Mom's face was ugly, and a hole was smashed in the door. I compromised.

She was staring at me as I filled out the volunteers. Chongqing Normal University, as long as my score was enough, she asked me to fill in all the directional teacher majors, a total of 44. I can fill in a total of 96 majors, and the remaining dozens are all local schools in Chongqing that she asked to fill in, and even some two. But for mom, Chongqing's specialties are better than 985 in other provinces.

After the submission, she finally relaxed, and I acted calmly, as if I had resigned myself. In fact, I have another chess game in mind.

It wasn't long before I slipped out while she wasn't looking, found an Internet café, and started revising my volunteers.

I took out my previous list of volunteers, which consisted of more than 20 according to the plan. They are all majors I want to study, and none of them are in Chongqing. I longed for big cities like Guangshen in the north, where freedom is possible.

After the revision, it was already 4 p.m., and I double-checked my volunteer several times. After that, I clicked Submit. I collapsed in my chair and it all felt like a dream.

With two hours to go before the deadline, I messaged my cousin, who was half my senior, and told her to go to the movies together. In order not to be discouraged by my parents, I picked a theater that I had never been to. On the road, I had two strange calls on my phone. Previously, my parents had already informed me with various relatives, asking me to add the orientation teacher training major of several colleges and universities in Chongqing to the volunteer that I had not yet filled in, so that everything could be foolproof. I felt like they were calling and didn't want to answer it.

When I arrived at the door of the cinema, I saw my father, my mother, and my uncle, who were squatting there.

It turned out that after they found out that I was not at home, they did not know what means they used to know that my cousin was in the cinema. Dad caught my cousin playing with her mobile phone at the movie theater, snatched her cousin's mobile phone, and called my mother. After that, the two men waited there, and then the uncle also arrived. I'm the rabbit.

The two strange calls on the road were from my cousin who ran out of the cinema in a panic after she was robbed of her mobile phone and begged passers-by to call me. Now passers-by are more vigilant, and she has begged several people to lend her.

Later, my cousin told me that she had bought yogurt and popcorn, but it was spilled on the floor during the tug at the movie theater and my parents. Later, when I arrived, my parents focused on me. Seeing the popcorn there, God knows how much I want to eat it.

My parents kept pushing me to go to the front desk of the cinema to borrow a computer to modify my volunteers. The sister at the front desk also lent me very thoughtfully and advised me to think about my life. I knew there was just over an hour left before the deadline, so I dragged on the page that refused to log in to fill out the volunteers. If I log in, she will know that I have changed my volunteers.

Mom kept pressing my hand on the mouse. The whole cinema was the sound of our family arguing, and passers-by were curious to look at us. I felt ashamed and angry.

I kept my face straight, didn't look at them, let them tug my arm, let them scold me. Just get through this hour, I thought.

On that day, the movie I was going to watch was called "I Love You!" I didn't see it, but it was quite appropriate.

At 6 p.m. on June 30, the deadline for filling in volunteers ended. Until the last minute, I didn't click on the filling page. Perhaps, it was because my grades should not have allowed me to slip to more than 80 schools, and after my parents scolded me a few words, they didn't say more.

However, I modified my volunteers, and sooner or later I had to show my stuffing. So, within a few days, I proposed to my mother to travel to Jiangsu. Jiangsu had relatives she knew very well, plus a cousin and uncle together, and she agreed.

In half a month in Jiangsu, I received more than a dozen calls from my mother a day. A phone call for half an hour was just a few things: berating me for what I had done the other day, talking about the hard work of my upbringing, and telling me to stay safe. I heard these words badly.

On July 26th, I signed my acceptance letter. I ducked back into my room and quietly smiled at the table and took a picture with it.

After my mother knew that I had changed my volunteer and was admitted to the Chinese opera, she made a few big fights. One day, I heard her on the phone in the living room, to a real estate agency. She was going to sell the house and follow me to Beijing to find a job in Beijing so that she could take care of my schooling.

A note left by Mom. Photo courtesy of interviewee

3

At noon on the 14th, while waiting for my friend's replacement calling card, I began to contact my mother and various relatives, but they all said that they did not know where my mother was.

After I complained about this to my girlfriend, she sent me a note without me. Soon, this note attracted a lot of attention. My girlfriend saw that there were many practical ways to do it, so she shared that note with me. Around the same time, I got a phone card that my friend had helped me get and started calling the admissions office, but no one answered.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to go to school, and my father at home also persuaded me to repeat my studies without a word. But I couldn't be angry with him, and he certainly wouldn't have known about it in advance. Dad, like me, is "ruled" in this family.

Mom is a very controlling person, and her control over me can be said to be pervasive.

My grandmother and mother told me from a young age that when I was born, I was in poor health, and the doctor said I would not live long. My mother did not believe in evil spirits, took me home to take good care of me, paid attention to all aspects of eating and dressing, and my childhood always smelled of soup medicine. That's probably why she controlled me.

Mom wouldn't let me eat spicy, and she wouldn't eat either. You know, I'm in Chongqing, it's really outrageous not to eat spicy. Ice cream, barbecue, cold dishes, she said it was junk food, and I never dared to eat it in front of her. When I grew up, whenever I had the opportunity to eat alone, I would eat spicy food like crazy.

A little older, I think I have good physical fitness, running, jumping, endurance in all aspects of no big problems. But one year in junior high school, my mother took me to the hospital to see a doctor, and after a check-up, the doctor said that I was in very good health. My mother didn't believe it, so she had to ask the doctor to prescribe some medicine. The doctor hesitated for a long time and wrote down a few flavors of medicine. Finally, we left with the medicine prescribed by the doctor, which was a bunch of drugs to regulate the liver fire.

In addition to daily care, my mom is also very cautious about my social interactions. She never allowed me to leave my neighborhood alone. One day in junior high school, I made an appointment with my friend to hang out, but she wouldn't allow it, and I was angry and cried at home. Eventually, I ran out while she wasn't looking. I ran downstairs and crossed a street, only to see my mother standing on the corner like a winner. It was exactly the same look as he caught me in the cinema years later.

I cried, and she coaxed, "Can you call your friend to our house?" Shall I invite you to eat hot pot and KFC?" She always ends in such a gentle way, as if she is compromising and the vexatious person is me. Finally, I sent a message to my friend saying that I couldn't go, and my mother took me home satisfied. After that, I didn't make many friends.

On the first day of school, I chose accommodation because I didn't want to go home. During the evening self-study, my mother suddenly appeared at the door of the classroom with a bowl of rice noodles, and she was worried that I would not eat. I felt very discouraged and had a feeling that I couldn't escape. I ran to the dormitory, and she kept chasing me with food, shouting: "You eat a little, eat a little."

Feeding is a fun thing that relatives have to fun with me every year at gatherings. My mother always chased me to feed me regardless of the occasion, and she still does this when I was a teenager. The mother in the eyes of relatives is gentle and patient. Only me, who was in the middle of it, knew how suffocating this kind of love was.

Closing the door, my mom likes to hit me. Brooms, hangers, feather dusters, she hit one by one. She wears a jade bracelet and a silver bracelet on her wrist all year round, and the two bracelets make a crisp collision sound when they touch together. Every time I hit me, the sound of the collision was particularly loud.

The few sounds in this home that reassure me are the sound of showers and natural gas running. As soon as these sounds appeared, I knew my mom was taking a shower. Then she wouldn't suddenly rush out and scold me or hit me, but once the sound of the shower stops, I start to get nervous again.

Under her long-term control, I became extremely sensitive and always nervous at home. At home, no matter who quarrels, no matter what the reason for the fight, I always feel that the next second will come and scold me. One day, I was playing with my phone at home when I suddenly heard a jingling sound from the keyhole, and I subconsciously threw my phone under the coffee table. It feels like I have committed a mortal sin and am waiting for judgment.

Mom's desire to control wasn't just for me. She is the eldest daughter who grew up under her grandfather's stick and has taken on a lot of responsibilities since she was a child. She was also able to manage my uncle and my father's affairs. In the third year of high school, my cousin often used coffee to refresh myself because of the pressure of studying, and my uncle felt that it was nothing, but my mother ran over and scolded my uncle and cousin. After that, her cousin drank coffee and could only avoid her.

For my father, I feel that he is also a direct "victim". My dad was 9 years older than my mom, but he didn't have any ideas. When I argued with my mother, he pulled at most, and most of the time he echoed my mother without opinion. Because he helped me talk a little, my mom would threaten him with divorce. I still don't know why my dad is so afraid of divorce, but it has always been my wish to get them divorced.

One of the few experiences I remember when my dad was on my side was in elementary school. One day, my father bought me a box of colored pens at the stationery store, and I happily took it home to draw. In the afternoon, my mother found that I had not finished my homework, so she broke my colored pencils one by one and threw them in the trash. After Mom left, Dad picked it out of the trash can and straightened it again. But alas, it's still useless.

After my dad retired, he was also arranged by my mom. Our family conditions are okay, and after retirement, my dad wants to find a free job. He started out working as a security guard at a bank, with air conditioning, and the most he could do every day was guide customers to operate on their phones.

It was only half an hour's drive from home to the bank, and after a while, my mother felt that it was too far. She was worried that her father would not eat the food outside, and she was afraid of being bad when she brought food from home, so she simply asked her father to resign and went downstairs to the community to work as a security guard. But the security booth downstairs in the community is not air-conditioned, it is small and crowded, and Dad is often hot and sweaty.

Image source drama "Little Huanxi"

4

I was scared because I couldn't go to school without a notice. During the day on the 14th, I couldn't get through to the admissions office of Chinese opera. Until a Nortel senior chatted with me privately, she said that she knew the relevant personnel of Chinese opera admissions, and she could help contact me.

It wasn't long before my counselor reported to the academy as well. It didn't take long for the Chinese drama admissions office to call me and tell me to send an email to the admissions office to confirm my identity. In the afternoon of the same day, I used my remaining 10,000 yuan to pay 8,000 yuan for tuition and 900 yuan for accommodation. Near 12 p.m., I wrote an email to the admissions office. Early in the morning of the 15th, I received a message that the school starters would just arrive.

After knowing that I could successfully enroll, my hanging heart finally let go. I suddenly found that my mother was not at home, but I was more relaxed and comfortable, the only thing I was worried about was, is my mother safe outside?

The next day, I contacted a relative who said that his mother had contacted him briefly but would not say anything else. It doesn't matter, she's safe. In fact, no one wants to make a relationship with their family so stiff.

When I was a child, I believed everything I said to my mother. It's hard for me to conclude why.

When I was young, my mother and grandmother always told me how hard they worked to bring me up. Over time, I always felt that it was a gift, and the only thing I could do in return was to be obedient.

I was a very precocious child who rarely bumped into my mother. But that kind of sensibility is with fear, my parents always quarrel, and their feelings have long existed in name only. It's actually something called the will to live, which forces me to obey. Because when I was a child, when there was a fight or something unhappy at home, my mother said that she would throw me away.

For example, my mother doesn't let me eat spicy, at any banquet, my brother or aunt knows that I love cold tofu and sandwiches it for me, even if I really want to eat it, I won't eat it.

As I got older, I became self-aware. I realized something was wrong with her and couldn't remember exactly when or what happened. But at one point, I was very puzzled by my mother's approach, then questioning, and a little bigger was rebellion.

I found slight myopia in the second grade of elementary school, but I didn't get glasses until I graduated from junior high school, and it was already 600 degrees. Before that, I said many times that I couldn't see the blackboard clearly, the make-up class classroom was so small, the blackboard was so close, I couldn't see it; When I learned to dance, I couldn't see the details of the teacher's movements. For a long time, my world was blurred, and I felt like there was a layer of water around me when I looked at a lot of things.

But my mother had her own logic, "I can't take off my glasses when I put them on." She also said that wearing glasses can aggravate the power. Sometimes I can't see clearly in class, so I squint. Now, I'm over 700 degrees.

Slowly, I realized that a lot of my mother's stubbornness was unjustified. I started to have some deliberate rebellion.

I don't like eggs, she has to eat one a day, I put it in my pocket and throw it away. At the dinner table, she often forced me to eat the dishes, and I firmly refused to eat them, even though I might have wanted to eat them at the time. She didn't allow me to dye my hair, I wanted to dye it (although in the end, under her majesty, I dyed it back).

But these things are so small that she may not even notice that I am resisting.

My mother often classifies my relatives and friends around me, and there are only two kinds of "good and bad", which are very simple and rude. When I was young, I would be obedient, and I would stay away from whoever she wanted me to stay away. Gradually, I found that this was not the case at all. Especially in this college entrance examination volunteer report, I found that the bad relatives she divided were all supporting me to make my own decisions. The only criterion for her division of good and bad is whether she can help her "educate" me.

When I was in junior high school, I couldn't study as well as my cousin, and I didn't have many friends, so my mother suppressed me. In high school, I became a class president and my studies got better. When I happily shared which friends I made at school, my mother said in a very cold tone, "You have to know that they play with you because you are good at studying, versatile, or class president." But I know it's not the case, my friends like me because of who I am.

When I began to feel uncomfortable in the mother-daughter relationship, the first way I learned as a child was to escape. When I was a child, the farthest place I escaped was my room, and after being scolded, I hid inside to read novels and magazines to distract me.

Growing up, I dared to go out when I was angry. I rushed out of the house and frantically ate junk food downstairs that she wouldn't let me eat, such as barbecue, ice cream, and sometimes crying as I ate, and I would prop myself up to the point where I would vomit if I took one more step.

But my mother didn't know anything, she thought I had a bad appetite and didn't like to eat. Actually, I've already eaten a lot.

Since elementary school, my mother hit me and I would fight back, but I didn't dare to really do it, just to stimulate her. Later, it turned out that she would not be soft-hearted at all. So, when she yelled at me, I yelled at her in the sharpest voice. She hit me, and I hit her with the same force.

But then I found that I couldn't convince her at all, reason, violence, didn't work. I gave up fighting and arguing with her, I just dodged, or watched.

There are also ways to be a little calmer. Sometimes, I share my argument with my mom in a funny way. For example, "My mother had a big fight with me because she saw a rubber band under my feet when mopping the floor, and told me to pick it up many times, but I was indifferent." In fact, it is obviously a drawstring with the cuffs of the fashionable cargo pants.

My mother is not highly educated, has worked as a hotel manager, sold houses, bought a few houses by herself a few years ago, and now her main income is rent collection. Maybe I have experienced professional instability, and my mother has always yearned for stability. She also feels that being a teacher earns respect. She feels that she is not respected because she is not a teacher or a civil servant. But all this, is not what I want.

I don't like stability, I like a life of change. Specifically, I don't want to do just one thing in my life. My mother rejected the idea of an art test before, but I still want to learn.

I have loved to observe and imitate others since I was a child, and acting has always been my ideal. I often imitate characters from TV shows or movies among my friends, and they all praise me for being realistic. These compliments are something I rarely hear at home.

The drama education major of Chinese opera does not require an art test, and the score of cultural courses is good. Moreover, now that quality education is being implemented in large cities, it should not be difficult to find a position as a teacher in a primary and secondary school after graduating from this major. I don't actually hate being a teacher, I just hate that my mother forced me to stay in Chongqing. I stressed to her that drama education majors can also be teachers, but she was crazy when she heard the word drama.

After the broadcast of "Little Huanxi", I saw that Yingzi's mother did not let her go to college in Nanjing, and I felt that my mother would do the same.

I tried to reason with her, just as I have done for the past ten years. Relatives also persuaded her, but the oil and salt did not enter. My mom seemed to have a system that ran on her own, couldn't make sense, and often interrupted me when I was reasoning.

There is only one way to change my life, and get out of this home. The idea grew stronger in the third year of high school. I watched a lot of volunteer materials and short videos, and asked my seniors to carefully consider what kind of life I want in the future. In the past three years, every second of suffering in this home has been survived by my vision of the future life.

Image source drama "Little Huanxi"

5

I had less than a week left on my escape plan. Before I succeeded, I had to live like an agent at home.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my pockets, and the sound of my fingers rubbing against my temporary ID card through the soft fabric reassures me. But this is not enough, I always subconsciously take it out again and watch it several times. After making sure I hadn't dropped my bag, I was completely relieved. This is my key document to escape this home, and I can't lose it again.

Great, I can escape. As the day drew closer, I became more and more nervous.

In my relationship with my mom, I struggled, for example, trying to get more personal space for myself. I want to do whatever is reasonable to spend time outside. For example, dance lessons, guitar lessons. Sometimes I also go to the library and coffee shop.

Before I was 16, even though I had a bad relationship with my mother, I still had expectations that she would suddenly wake up one day. But an experience in my sophomore year of high school completely disappointed me.

Once, at my strong request, my mother took me to an art examination institution. But as soon as she saw the teacher, she immediately said, "Our children don't know anything, they don't have any specialties, and they are short." I don't know what I'm fascinated by, so I have to study art." After the interview, the teacher also pointed out that I was only 160 tall, and the average actor should be above 165. After she listened, she nodded in satisfaction and took me away.

Finally, I mentioned it several more times, and my mother finally let go. She said that as long as I could go to bed before 10 o'clock every day for three months and eat three meals on time, she would allow me to train intensively. Of course I did. I don't tell anyone until I do anything. That time, I happily announced the news to a few friends.

But all of a sudden, many relatives came to me to persuade me to give up. I foolishly told them, and my mother agreed. They said my mother coaxed me.

I was completely chilled. Previously, I faced some of my mother's "miserable" words, such as "Your father and I are not well, and there will be no one to take care of us when you leave", and occasionally hesitated. But after that, my mind was full of wanting to go to the big cities in the east, and the farther away from home as possible.

I completely gave up expecting of her and stopped trying to correct her. I'm going to leave my strength on escaping.

I really realized that my family might be an extreme case after posting notes. A lot of people suspected me of hype, and I wondered at first, what is there to hype. But after flipping through thousands of messages, I realized how outrageous I was in the eyes of others after living for 18 years. I thought my mom was just a little more controlling.

I still can't contact my mom. I was asked why I didn't run away, I was only a month old age, and before that, once I left home for 24 hours, I could file a case. School is coming up on the 25th, and I don't want to go wrong again.

I really like school, there is no mother in the school, I wish I was at school 24 hours a day. In high school, I sometimes came home from school, carrying a school bag and dragging a lot of luggage, exhausted to death. But out of the elevator, through the door, I heard the sound of parents arguing in the hallway. I couldn't hear what was saying, but it would make me very irritated, so I took the elevator again to sit in the lobby on the ground floor.

After the registration matter was resolved, I told netizens that I chose to forgive my mother. Many netizens began to hold on to grievances, standing in the perspective of bystanders, saying that I should break off the mother-daughter relationship. But in fact, netizens only saw the mother in this one, and I have been with her for almost 18 years. She was violent, paranoid, and manipulative, but she raised me and put a lot of effort into it.

School is still a few days away, and no one can stop me this time. I now carry my documents with me, and when necessary, I lie that I went downstairs to pick up the courier and took the opportunity to escape. Clothes, luggage are not important, think about it later.

I've been trying to analyze my mom's behavior, but I've failed. When I go to college, I plan to read more about psychology.

I love children and hope to have a happy family in the future. I will not allow moms to interfere with my child's choices in the future. I would tell him (her): "What Grandma said, you don't refute it, but the decision is up to you, your mother supports you, and Grandma can't make decisions for you."

If I could, I would write my mother's story into a script in the future, as if she had contributed to my career. To be honest, I am not looking forward to establishing a normal mother-daughter relationship with her, she is almost 50 years old, if only she could change it long ago. So, all I can do is stay away.

My fantasy future is: after graduating, I will stay in the big city. I might become a screenwriter or teach kids acting. I want to make a lot of money, buy my own house, buy a car, and not depend on them, so that when I resist, my waist will be straighter.

But all this presupposes that I can successfully enroll in school, and my mother will not follow me to Beijing. My cousin speculated that my mother might come back at any time to obstruct me, and even if she agreed to my enrollment, she would most likely go to Beijing with me. Thinking of this, I began to feel breathless again, but I can only pray for the best.

Source: Visual China