Behind the "child loathing", the social sentiment of "fear of weakness" is spreading

A few days ago, due to a number of incidents of conflicts between passengers and parents caused by noisy children on high-speed trains and planes, the term "child misogy" appeared on the hot search.

This rare anxiety disorder, originally used to refer to pathological symptoms such as dizziness, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, and trembling after approaching children, is now used to describe the prejudice, disgust and rejection that some young people have towards children in public spaces. Most of these children are infants and toddlers aged 0-3 and have not yet reached the age of 3-12 years old as "bear children".

The accusations against the "bear child" who made a big noise in public and the "bear parent" behind it have always been one of the most discussed topics on social networks, and netizens with young people as the main user are generally easier to substitute into their own experience of fighting wits with "bear children".

The discourse change from "bear child" to "child-logy" reflects that in the huge insecurity and anxiety of social resources, some young people who "take care of themselves" find it difficult to empathize with weaker young children and parents with children. Science writer Hesenburg mentioned on Weibo: "The criticism and demanding of young children in public today is actually the embodiment of the atmosphere of "there is no clarity" in society. "A person who only cares about the present moment will not make the choice to have children, and it is equally difficult to tolerate the trouble caused by other people's children, which is the same logic in China and South Korea, where fertility rates have generally plummeted." In South Korea, more and more restaurants, cafes and other public places have set up "child-free zones", which has also sparked debate in recent discussions.

The author of this article attempts to sort out the cultural soil of "child-loathing" from the Confucian cultural tradition rooted in East Asian society. In addition, the lack of social public services cannot be completely replaced by spatial isolation such as "children are not allowed", everyone still needs to live together, and the difficulties faced by children and parents will appear in other forms in the future when young people become "troublesome" old age, and this responsibility cannot be completely transferred to families or even individuals. This is not a teaching of pan-moralism, but a public disposition that people urgently need to understand in this "difficult for everyone" time.

Text|and

Editor|Yang Shao

Typography & Design | Sam

01

Hatred of "bear children", or hatred of "children"?

Recently, there have been more and more incidents on social networks of young people clashing with their parents because they suspect that their children are noisy when they take public transport.

On the Little Red Book, a mother said that she took her child on a plane, and the child spoke at a normal volume, but another young man could not understand the curiosity of a two-year-old child when he was on a plane, and frequently asked his mother to take care of the child; On Weibo, writer Su Xiaolan recorded that when some parents took their children on the high-speed train, "as long as there was a snort", they were asked by the flight attendant to take the parents to the connection of the carriage and survive the 10-hour journey in the bumps; Others say there is a need for specific high-speed trains and flights that are closed to children.

Although some people emphasize that they hate "bear children" and "bear parents" who do not give proper guidance. But in the above incidents, these children are by no means in the category of noisy, arrogant and unreasonable "bear children", they are mostly infants and young children aged 0-3, and their physiological basis is more difficult to endure the hardships of boats and cars than adults, and they need to use their voices to express their demands, not coaxing them to obey. Moreover, parents who do not coax their children well are not necessarily "bear parents", and in the scene of high-speed rail, which brings together all classes in China, accusing some parents who are not good at communication and nurturing of "teaching if they can't give birth", and some "strict treatment of others". But in the eyes of some young people, it seems that as long as the child does not sit quietly in the seat without making a sound, it is considered a parent and a child.

The mood of "child-loathing" is becoming intense. Under a discussion post on Xiaohongshu about "why do I hate children", there is an overly blunt reply to a highly praised comment:

"Hate a child is hate that he has no self-care ability, poor emotional management, no politeness, no normal logical ability, unable to communicate, always causing trouble for others, and guess why those of us who hate children don't hate rational and steady adults."

Regardless of the bias of this comment, words such as "no self-care ability", "poor emotional management" and "no normal logic" are essentially using language to bully "weak people" whose behavior ability is not as good as adults. And this kind of behavior that demands that the "weak" always conform to the needs of those in high positions of power is the consistent operation of patriarchy.

But the problem is that most people who grow up in East Asian families have experienced being asked to be obedient and sensible "little adults", and when they grow up, these young people who have experienced the trauma of "East Asian" childhood complain that "parents are evil" while discipline the new class of children in a similar tone.

Under the same post, there are also young people who said, "I found that people who don't like children like kittens and dogs" "I like cats and dogs very much, and I want to make them cry when I see children, and I don't want to satisfy them." What is the difference between the logic behind it and the previous generation of parents who liked to say, "I have a dog that wags its tail, you are not even as good as a dog". After all, children are "people", not the private property or accessories of adults. And people who have had puppies also know that even puppies will not be obedient all the time.

Movie "Dog Thirteen"

A few days after the "child-loathing" public opinion appeared, another hot search #Men's high-speed rail car junction stayed with the baby for 1 hour#, which was released by 82 mainstream media at the same time. The mainstream media "liked" the young father, who stayed with his baby for an hour at the high-speed rail link because he was worried that his child would disturb other passengers.

From the point of view of time, this news is undoubtedly in response to the previous incident of high-speed rail children crying and arguing. But such a "model father" (not to mention, it is the mother who is more responsible for parenting) obviously does not provide a solution to the current "childlike mood". It is expected that every parent can manage their children's emotions in a very measured way, which is itself out of reality. Furthermore, it is also a transfer of social child-rearing issues that should have been covered by public services to individuals and families.

But before entering the specific solution, we might as well look at the collision of China's Confucian cultural tradition and modernization to see what changes have taken place in society's expectations for ideal children.

02

From "little adult" to "be yourself", the image of China's ideal child has changed

The image of China's ideal child has been constantly changing with the spirit of the times and the alternation of political discourse. Whether children should release their nature to "be themselves" or meet the expectations of adult society to be "little adults", the two views are always in confrontation and competition.

In the traditional ethical concept, children should be disciplined and disciplined more than cared for, and "like adults" is also the most common way to praise children. Xiong Bingzhen notes in Cihang: Children and Childhood in Modern China that after the Southern Song Dynasty, "Cheng Zhu's emphasis on the values of quietness, respect, and sincerity redefined the parenting culture of Chinese families and the early education training of ordinary schools." In the daily life of infants and children, there is some emphasis on acquiescence, quietness, control of emotions and physical posture. Babies are wrapped more carefully and sometimes overprotective. Playing with pets, outdoor noises, and physical games such as playing ball are prohibited. "Children of China's elite are increasingly confined to indoor reading and have less time for physical and leisure activities.

Of course, ancient China was not without ideas that encouraged children to release their nature. Wang Yangming's school of mind proposes an alternative view of early childhood education, positively pointing out that children are naturally "happy to play and afraid of detention", emphasizing child-oriented. The spirit of "liberation" and breaking with tradition represented by Wang Yangming and his followers poses a subversive challenge to the old orthodox notions of children's instruction. However, the idea of "child-oriented" did not become the mainstream of Ming society.

The idea of "child-oriented" really entered the mainstream level of society, and it was only after the New Culture Movement. Hu Shi regarded people's attitudes towards children as a key measure of civilizational progress. "The focus on children represents a conscious effort to direct the attention of modernity to the most vulnerable and neglected in society." The excessive control and control of children by traditional science and the erosion of children's carefree state by social pressure and systems have been continuously verified by modern psychology and child pedagogy as anti-human and unscientific.

However, with the outbreak of the Anti-Japanese War, children also took on the "unbearable burden" in the propaganda discourse of saving their lives, and the CCP established an "anti-Japanese children's group" based on the extensive establishment of the CCP behind enemy lines, and the National Government also followed the example of Europe and the United States at that time to form a "boy scout". After the founding of the People's Republic of China, a group of child heroes of the war years, such as Wang Erxiao and Pan Dongzi, occupied the memory of a generation. Until the end of the eighties of the last century, the Central Committee of the Communist Youth League and the State Education Committee also awarded Lai Ning, a 15-year-old boy who died fighting mountain fires, the honorable title of "heroic youth", and called on young pioneers of all ethnic groups across the country to learn from Lai Ning. "Little Hero" became the ultimate version of "Little Adult".

Textbook illustrations

Although this kind of ideological propaganda was born in a special historical context, it also inherits to some extent the traditional East Asian Confucian society's expectation of "inferiority"—that is, children serve their fathers, and those with low power serve those in high power.

It was not until the changes in the socio-economic system and the improvement of people's living standards that the image of "little heroes" gradually withdrew. The story of children's sacrifice has not been able to adapt to the needs of the times and the development of children's educational concepts, and people have gradually realized that children should first and foremost be protected and vulnerable. As a result, the mainland's first Law on the Protection of Juveniles came into force in 1992. After entering the new century, Lai Ning's deeds were also removed from textbooks.

The image of naïve, weak and active children has finally regained mainstream through the development of the past three decades. Therefore, we cannot demand that children who grow up under this modern education method must be "obedient and restrained", let alone regress to a traditional society that does not respect children's nature and wants children to be "little adults".

03

Instead of asking for "model children", it is better to establish "child-friendly" spaces and atmospheres

It is not difficult to see from the combing of history that Chinese society has experienced a long period of swing before it truly realized the subjectivity of children and began to pay attention to their needs. Correspondingly, the establishment of "child-friendly" and "parent-friendly" public spaces is in its infancy.

First of all, the society lacks the appropriate infrastructure to ensure the convenience of parents with children in and out of public spaces. Due to the lack of the third bathroom, social news such as mothers breastfeeding in public, mothers taking boys into women's bathrooms, and older boys appearing in the women's locker room in the swimming pool have already stirred up many discussions.

Second, society ignores the need for children to use urban spaces safely and conveniently. Previously, some media found that the subway station with low passenger traffic has become a paradise for children to skateboard, and instead of scolding them as "bear children" who disrupt the order of public transportation places, accusing parents of not disciplining their children well, it is better to shift their attention from the family to the allocation of public space.

Our urban public spaces are sorely lacking in places for children to play and unleash their nature. This is due to the rapid urbanization process, the open open spaces and small outdoor playgrounds that used to be used to be used for children in traditional communities have been replaced by high-rise high-density new residential buildings and closed integrated shopping malls. So children who have lost their play space have to start spontaneously looking for their "paradise" in the city.

This also leads to more complex security issues that children have to face when playing. In the past, traditional communities were able to rely on the neighbors who helped each other in the society of acquaintances to take care of each other; In today's modern community, which is dominated by strangers, parents are not worried about letting their children go out to play alone. Families with the means can entrust their children to the expensive childcare children's playground in the mall, but this is still difficult to satisfy the nature of children to explore the world and get close to nature.

Movie "Moonrise Kingdom"

All of these space constraints on "children" reflect our distance from a "child-friendly" society in different ways. Therefore, proposals such as "children's carriage" and "expanding the scope of children's prohibition" can meet the needs of adults who want their own clean space, but they cannot help the child-rearing family, but will make society more marginalize the already limited activity space of children. Moreover, will the complete separation of the public living space of "children" and "adults" make it more difficult to raise children, aggravate the "child-loathing" atmosphere, and eventually evolve into the invisible exclusion of vulnerable groups such as children, pregnant women, and the elderly?

In Korea, more and more public places such as restaurants and cafes are designated as "child-free zones". In a survey conducted last year by polling firm Hankook Research, 73 percent of South Korean adults agreed to have "child-free zones," which proponents believe would reduce noise in public places. This is a direct reflection of the unfriendliness of child-rearing in today's South Korean society, and it is no wonder that the South Korean government has continued to decline its fertility rate, despite spending more than $200 billion over the past 16 years to stimulate fertility.

Contrary to South Korea's approach, public policy in some countries recognizes that children have the right to make noise. The German government approved a bill in 2011 to legally protect children's freedom to make noise. The bill classifies children's noise as "natural sounds", arguing that the noise made by children under 6 years of age in public places such as kindergartens, playgrounds, and stadiums "will not cause damage to the environment", and that industrial and commercial noise control laws do not apply, so surrounding residents are not allowed to evict children or complain about children's play. According to blogger @Mamiko, Japanese trains have posters saying "It's okay to cry" to lower the shame of parents with babies in public places because they cannot alleviate their children's crying.

These policies and practices have provided some extent for a more inclusive social climate. However, in China, where public services cannot be achieved overnight, in addition to the appeal at the social level, we may be able to make some understandings and attempts beyond "self-protection" in terms of concepts. Because if a society does not care for the "weak", it will only allow individuals to automatically contribute to the patriarchy of "fear of the weak".

At last.

A few words about my personal feelings.

Judging from the comments that released the "child-loathing" discourse, these people who hate children are also victims of problems such as family, lack of social education, gender dilemmas, social structure, cultural traditions, etc., and they have exhausted their efforts to preserve themselves, and there is no spare energy to give goodwill to the outside world.

But others, and they are not necessarily parents, still want to fight for a more loving social atmosphere, which is also a way to compete with the larger structure for territory.

If the burden of motherhood and the burden of childcare on both husband and wife are transferred to the individual, the power agency is lazy, the marriage and childbearing group and the unmarried group are separated, and people who make different personal choices have no respect for each other, isn't this entering the trap of the big structure again?

Everyone must hope that any doctrine confronts the structure, calls for the group, and ultimately protects the individual.