Mothers have a sensitive heart, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing for their children

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Petal Meisu

1

A few days ago, a mother said in the group: "Who can help me, the child has not been welcomed by the teacher at school, and he sits in the back when he sits in the row, I want his mouth to be sweeter, I can see that the teacher does not call, and always wants to avoid it."

Why is my child so timid! At night, I yelled at him for this, but I didn't expect him to shut himself in the room alone and cry silently for more than 1 hour, I think he will be ruined on this mouth for the rest of his life. ”

From this phrase, we have no way of knowing what this child really looks like.

Only the anxiety of the child's mother and the complaints about the child can be seen.

You can also know that children are more introverted, shy, do not like to call people, and should not be very good at expression.

But can this ruin a life?

However, adults always expect their children to be articulate, articulate and sociable.

I remember when I was in college, the last sentence I made on the phone to my family, always telling me that I had to learn interpersonal communication and not study to death.

I actually love to talk, but now I don't like to talk to people, I prefer to communicate with words.

Actually, everyone has something he is good at.

Doesn't it have to be an all-rounder?

For example, Xiao Xiaoyu said that he did not want to run for class president, because he was afraid of poor management and did not like management.

I said it's okay, then you don't campaign and do what you like.

He loves to read and loves to tell stories.

Some say he doesn't like to say hello and doesn't talk much.

But I know that he can tell a story for more than 10 minutes in front of hundreds of children in the whole kindergarten, and he is not frightened.

This is beyond my imagination.

So when the family or the teacher tells me which kind of ability the child is insufficient.

I am always calm, I stand with my children and accept this inadequacy.

Then we work together to improve what we can.

And I know that more abilities take time and require the patience of parents.

Instead of being sensitive and anxious.

This only makes the problem worse, because parental sensitivity and anxiety are a big problem in itself.

2

Usually, the burden of raising children almost falls on the mothers.

And maintaining a high degree of sensitivity to children can be said to be nature, which is the ability given by God to the mother.

Because this can help the child stay away from danger, and even play a good preventive and protective role.

Such carefulness and sensitivity, dad is not as good as mom.

But it is precisely because of this that more mothers have a sensitive heart.

And the more stressful parenting is, the more sensitive it is.

When you are close to losing control or have lost control, you will produce anxiety and be tightly wrapped in bad emotions.

Therefore, it is good that the mother's sensitivity is a good thing, but it must be measured.

Because it is too sensitive, it is easy to fall into suspicion.

For example, children who have just started school and started kindergarten face their first great separation.

Inner fear, discomfort with the environment, will definitely make the child have some resistance.

Different children will behave differently.

And this is also the most sensitive time for the mother, she is worried about the child's life in the kindergarten, whether she can eat enough, can she integrate, will the teacher criticize the child?

Even if the child adapts, he will worry about whether the child is favored by the teacher and whether he is welcomed by the classmates.

Maintaining such sensitivity is a manifestation of love.

As parents, they all have such a heart.

But don't be overly sensitive.

In the growth of children, it is best to remain calm and patient.

For example, some mothers see that the teacher sends a photo, and they do not have their own children, so they quickly ask the teacher, and even ask the teacher to make up for one.

The teacher has to attend classes again, and he has to take care of the children, how can he have time to shoot dozens of children?

Some mothers, seeing that their children are not chosen to raise the flag or go on stage, say that they will take turns, in fact, they hope that their children can always occupy the C position that is valued, but they do not consider the actual teaching arrangements and the children's own abilities and interests.

If you transfer the anxiety you encounter in the workplace and life to your children's education.

It will only create trouble.

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Mothers who are too sensitive are not only prone to worry about their children, but also prone to doubt themselves.

And self-denial will directly lead to anxiety and irritability.

Learn to affirm yourself and not doubt.

Emotional sensitivity and hyperactivity will directly affect the formation of children's personality.

Fish father once received a letter about the distress of a mother of a 6-year-old child.

Schools should organize flea markets, and ask children to bring their toys and picture books to school and exchange them with other children.

But the child couldn't choose, this didn't work, that didn't work, and finally saw him standing there motionless, his mouth deflated.

I couldn't hold back, yelled at him loudly, saw his small body tremble twice, and regretted it at the time.

Before going to bed, I apologized to my child for my bad temper.

But the next morning, the child woke up listless.

When I asked, I realized that the child was not asleep, and I was worried about whether it scared the child.

But the child said that he was worried that his friends would not like his toys.

I wondered why a child was so sensitive that a 6-year-old couldn't sleep.

Then I think of other manifestations of the child: leaving home to another place, the first time will ask us where we live, which is our bed, and repeatedly confirm that it will be ours, in order to play with confidence.

On the way to work, I kept reflecting, why is he so sensitive?

I don't think this is something that a child should worry about.

I don't know if it was my reason that caused him to look like this, my childhood was very unhappy, and many times I wanted to escape from this home.

I now feel that the child's performance is because of insecurity, not very confident, and I completely doubt myself...

It can be seen from the email that this is a child who is more cautious and cares about other people's opinions.

But I think the child usually cares about his mother's mood because he has a sensitive mother.

Because the mother's personality will affect the formation of the child's character.

Therefore, children will also become more sensitive and will doubt their choices.

Even anxious about it.

In fact, childhood should have been the most carefree time.

It is true that there will be unhappiness, but the unhappy moment will pass and will not stay long.

For this reason, the mother who raised him should relax a little and let the child not have that kind of pressure.

Tell him that it doesn't matter if you choose the wrong one.

Even if friends don't like it, there will be friends who like it.

Affirm your choices and decisions.

4

The mother's peace of mind is the greatest blessing for the child.

As parents, no matter how much we love our child, we cannot make him accept our love without a good education. Everyone longs to be loved, to be at peace with the person closest to them, to be able to talk well.

Even boys who look missing a tendon with a big grin are no exception.

Only when a good mother does not roar or scream and maintains a peaceful emotion can the child fall in love with us, will be infected by your peace, have a good temperament, and we will have the opportunity to enter the mysterious and rich inner world of the child.

Learn to accept your child's various emotional states.

You cry, you laugh, you are stupid in a daze, I can accept it.

You won't immediately jump up to accuse you of your mistakes or preach penalties.

In this way, the child can feel the freedom of love.

Not discipline.

Indeed, freedom is based on rules.

Love also has rules.

This is the degree of love, freedom and discipline, all of which must be there.

But we prefer the warmth, security, and freedom that love brings.

And in childhood, this free and warm part should be a little more.

Be a mother who knows how to be alone and is willing to let go.

Many mothers, after having children, bind themselves tightly to their children.

Love makes each other not want to separate.

But true love is to know how to respect each other's boundaries, respect the growth of children, and know how to let go when it is time to let go.

Don't always hold your child in your arms.

When you're at home, you can quietly do housework or read a book or chat with friends.

Let the child play alone.

Creating opportunities to be alone with each other can encourage children to visit relatives and friends alone.

These are all ways to help children move towards independence.

You can also tell your children about your own likes and dislikes.

Let his own mother also have feelings and needs.

You can't rely on you for everything.

Let the child see that the mother is an independent person, and they will become independent.

Because the child's first teacher is the mother.

When mom overcomes sensitivity, paranoia and indecision and becomes peaceful, patient, independent and determined.

That child will also become more confident, optimistic, independent, and strong.