Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Photo Network
1
We often say that to raise children, there must be a father involved, especially after the boy reaches the age of 3, the mother must learn to stay away from the child.
Can you really stay away?
I remember I wrote in an early article,
To raise a boy, the mother must know how to "abdicate"
。
It mentions: In the stage of the child's 0-3 years old, the mother's careful care and giving will give the child the initial sense of security.
But by the age of 3, or even older, the role of the father is highlighted.
Every child needs parental affection, but as they get older, boys and girls develop different developmental needs.
But how many families can really do it?
Tell the mother to stay away from the child, there is a pain in the face.
2
Mother's love is the most important psychological nourishment in a child's life.
Even in the most difficult moments, mothers love their children more than themselves.
In childhood, let the mother "distant son", that is a common harm to the mother and child.
The first year of motherhood may be the hardest year for a woman.
Many mothers experience the pain of childbirth but collapse into postpartum depression.
If you don't get noticed and cared for, the shadow left behind will linger.
Some people say that depression is a mother's hypocrisy, why didn't people before.
This is not hypocrisy, but a real existence, but there were too few people who paid attention to the psychology of mothers before.
Just having a baby, the pressure on mom is many, many times greater than dad's.
Many dads will say, "You have to work hard to earn milk powder money!" ”
However, the mother is worried about the child in her heart, for fear of hurting the child, and afraid that the child will not have enough to eat, for fear that the child will not take good care of it.
I remember when my wife was a few months old in Xiaoxiaoyu, she was worried that she would not have enough milk.
So as soon as I hear who has a good solution, I can't wait to give it a try.
The hardest thing is just at the beginning, the baby has little strength and can't suck.
Finally, the mother was anxious again, and after several times, the baby cried and couldn't eat enough, and he swelled into mastitis.
The child can only take milk powder temporarily, while the mother has to go for anti-inflammatory injections for several days.
Later, I finally got milked.
For the health of the child, nutrition is adequate.
Mom gulped down the fishy loach soup again.
At the age of 8 months, in order to go to work, I can only work as a mother.
Watching your child gulp and suck, I think about how good it would be to feed him more.
When quitting breastfeeding, the child cries and gets sick because of the change in diet.
As a result, I have to worry about it again.
How did this road come about, I really dare not think about it now.
In the dead of night, we talk about raising children.
I still remember that because of hand, foot and mouth disease, because of the late time of diagnosis, when the doctor said whether we wanted an ambulance, we were so frightened that we quickly ran to the provincial children's hospital next to us.
Along the way, my mother's tears rushed out.
I often tell my son, "The hardest person to raise you is your mother, and you have to love her well." ”
My son would ask me, "Then I love my mother more, I don't love you so much!" ”
"It's okay! I can accept that you love your mom a little more, because she really loves you very much.
Many friends feel that in our family, because of my participation, my wife will be very worry-free.
But only I know that my mother is the hardest worker.
3
Being a mother is very hard, but I can only choose to face it with a smile.
Because mom is the child's world.
The mother laughs, the baby laughs.
The mother cries and the baby is not happy.
When you push your child out the house or prepare food for your child at home.
Your mood and attitude will directly affect your child's mood.
When his mother happily pushes him, he will also feel happy.
When you are happily busy making food, your child will also happily look forward to the delicious arrival.
A mother's stable mood is the most important thing in the child's growing environment.
The mother's good mood shines into the child's heart like sunlight, giving the child the initial sense of security.
And the good feeling of the world.
But mom can also collapse.
One mother said that she had put her son to sleep every time. I hurried to work at home.
When he finally lay down and closed his eyes for a while, the child cried, and he didn't know why.
Sometimes when he is too tired, the anger will come up, turn over and punch him in the ass.
As a result, the child cried more and more, and finally cried and vomited.
As a result, I had to clean up my bed again.
Seeing this mess, I simply broke myself down, regretted getting married, and regretted having children.
Then he violently threw his son aside on the bed and began to tidy up.
When my son saw that he was so angry, he was alone and choked there.
At this time, how she wished someone would help coax him.
Because she really didn't want to hug him in her heart, she was in a bad mood.
Seeing this mother's message, I remembered that I slept with a little fish at that time.
When he was more than two years old, he would cry inexplicably at night and even kick his mother hard.
Sometimes I was still asleep and heard him cry.
Then I saw my mother losing her temper there, and drowsiness and anger pooled on her face.
You can see that she is.
I sometimes quickly pick up the little one and ask him why he is crying.
After some comfort, he stopped crying, and his mother rolled over and fell asleep.
How many times had she been tortured by him?
Sometimes, I also get irritable and lose my temper with my son.
Fortunately, there was a mother who pulled the child away and reminded me of my loss of control.
Now the child can sleep independently, and there will be no such troubles.
But we still need to support each other.
Because there are a lot of new problems that will emerge one after another.
4
If you ask a mother, is raising a child difficult?
The answer is definitely hard.
But they will tell you that it's okay to suffer a little for the sake of the children.
The real suffering is when a person is alone.
It's the kind of person where you are by my side, but you don't understand me, let alone take the handle.
When the child is older, it is a deep helplessness to ask the mother to "go away".
In this day and age, the biggest parenting lie cannot continue to play out.
That is, raising children is a matter for the mother alone, and the father can do it outside, and raising children is dispensable.
In any case, the role of dad is irreplaceable.
Many fathers think that giving their children good material conditions is love.
Find a high-end school and a luxuriously decorated home for your child.
Don't forget to give children one of the most important gifts - a happy mom and a dad who grew up with him.
What does dad do?
Winnicott said: Dad should be the protector and caregiver of mom, and it is because of dad's protection that a close relationship can develop between mom and child.
In addition, I feel that the role of dad is like what I mentioned above.
Can be a teammate for mom and don't make mom despair when needed.
Moreover, it can give each other a chance to release their emotions without hurting the child.
To call mom "Yuanzi", the key is to see how much support Dad can give.
How much dad is involved, how much mom can refund.
Otherwise, the child's affairs are there, who cares?