What is the best way to live a mother? The moment you become a mom is also the moment when your dreams are disillusioned

Author: Main Creative Group Fireworks March

Yesterday, my son's homeroom teacher sent a notice in the class group that a parent-teacher meeting would be held next Friday.

My son came home from school, and before he put his bag down, he solemnly said to me:

"Mom, don't go to this parent-teacher meeting, let Dad go."

I was surprised, because in previous years, my son's parent-teacher meetings were all my attendance, so why didn't I go to junior high school?

Under my constant questioning, he told the truth:

"Mom, you don't have a job, you can't do anything but do laundry or cook.

Light will force me to study, but I have never seen you study? ”

My son's words froze me instantly.

Yes, in order to take care of my family in recent years, I quit my job and revolved around my husband and children all day, completely without my own life, and I didn't know where my dreams had been dumped.

I remembered a letter written by astronaut Liu Yang for a pair of sons and daughters on the eve of his expedition.

Every word is from the mother's affection, which makes people can't bear to cry when they read it.

There are guilts in not being able to accompany children for Children's Day, reluctance and concern for their children, and perseverance in pursuing their dreams.

She said in the letter: "Baby, there must be dreams in life, that is the light in your life. ”

Liu Yang did not stop chasing her dreams after becoming a mother, but went to her own sea of stars more firmly to give her children the best guidance.

I couldn't help but reflect: What is the best way to live a mother?

The moment you become a mom is also the moment when your dreams are disillusioned

In real life, many mothers, like me, personally extinguish the flame of their dreams the first moment they become mothers.

I have seen such a small video.

The mother in the video is a master's degree graduate and originally had a good job in Beijing, but for the sake of her family, she became a full-time mother.

Since then, she can no longer make money, has little sense of achievement, and has no social circle of her own, and devotes herself to her son.

But the son not only did not appreciate it, but accused her: "What have you done, didn't you just cook a meal at home and do some housework?" ”

What heartfelt words.

Across the screen, I could feel my mother's heart dripping blood.

How selfless my mother is when she gives, how broken her heart is at this time.

The same heartbreak also belongs to the hit drama "Come on! Mother He Xiaohan in "Mother".

He Xiaohan was originally a nurse in the hospital, and after marrying the doctor Tian Siyang, she became a full-time wife, serving her mother-in-law and taking care of her husband.

After the birth of her daughter Tian Youyou, she completely lost her own living space and revolved around her children all day.

How can children eat more nutritious?

What kind of clothes do children wear that are comfortable and beautiful?

How to do the work of the parent association better and add points to the child's further education?

Because of her low education, she also wanted to improve her knowledge reserve through study.

Helplessly, she revolves around the family all day, and Bengen has no time to take care of her own needs.

So when her daughter asked her English words, she could only shake her head and say, "Mom won't." ”

The number of times is too much, which attracts the anger and contempt of the daughter.

"Other people's mothers will, only you won't know anything!"

"I'm going to let my dad go for outdoor teaching, you will be humiliated if you go!"

Her daughter's words were as sharp as needles, and they pierced He Xiaohan's heart, and her tears burst out of her eyes.

She resented her daughter's ignorance, and hated her own indisputability.

Treat the moment of becoming a mother as a moment of disillusionment in dreams, and win the understanding and respect of children who are never accepted.

In real life, there are so many mothers like He Xiaohan.

They did not hesitate to sacrifice themselves, unconditionally for their families and children, making themselves anxious and exhausted.

In order to give the child an absolutely quiet home learning environment, the mother does not even dare to breathe heavily;

In order to accompany her children to study, the mother left her family and business to live in a strange place;

In order to have more time to spend with her children, mothers give up opportunities for promotion and further study...

But in the end, I found that there was no self, endless giving, just touched myself.

A mother who gives up on herself is difficult to find happiness

I remembered the mother Shen Huixing played by Bai Baihe in the previous hit drama "Our Marriage".

She originally graduated from a prestigious school with a master's degree and could show her style in the workplace, but for the sake of her family, and in order to give her daughter all-round and solid companionship, she chose to be a full-time mother.

In 6 years, she learned to move alone, decorate alone, repair electrical appliances alone, and take her baby to see a doctor alone... Evolve yourself into a proper Iron Warrior.

But in the eyes of her husband Sheng Jiangchuan, this is a matter of course.

During that time, the husband and wife often quarreled, and Shen Huixing, who was originally confident and happy, disappeared.

Actor Liu Mintao had a similar experience after starting a family.

In order to give her daughter all-round care, she chose to sacrifice her acting career and live the life of a husband and a godson.

However, instead of feeling the ease and freedom away from the pressure of work, she felt an endless sense of triviality and low self-esteem.

She took good care of her daughter every day and humbly waited for her husband to come home, in exchange for his indifference and disregard.

The days when her palms were up, she had to suppress even the careful desire to eat a matcha ice cream.

She began to wonder if it was worth it to be a stay-at-home mom who gave up on herself.

Zhang Defen once said:

"When a woman brushes her sense of existence on the family and loses herself, I am always happy that the child is happy, and I will end up living very hard."

Indeed it is.

Happiness should be in one's own hands, not in anyone other than oneself.

Only mothers who do not give up themselves have the initiative and confidence to grasp happiness.

Brave mothers who pursue their dreams give their children the best guidance

As long as the mother is ahead of herself and firmly walks the road to achieve herself, the child will naturally follow closely and quietly change.

One of my high school classmates was such a mom.

During the pandemic, her company went bankrupt and she lost her job.

During her son's rebellious period and her husband's career transition, she did not look for a job under the persuasion of her family.

But she did not live a busy life of firewood, rice, oil and salt, and chasing dramas and playing cards in her spare time.

Instead, he took a new media writing class and regained his dream of writing as a student.

Since then, after taking care of the housework, the students sit at the desk to study the course;

She would code late into the night, flipping through 3,000 words of information to write a 300-word text;

In order to better output, she began to carefully read the books that had been in the bookcase for a long time.

Gradually, under her influence, her son also began to read Chinese and foreign famous books, and the mother and son often discussed the characters in the books.

The mother was amazed that her son's reading comprehension ability had improved significantly and his essay score had gradually improved.

My son is proud to write a 100,000+ article for his mother that provokes readers' thinking.

I like the saying: "You can never give someone else, what you don't have." ”

If a mother wants her child to have a promising future, she must become a light and give her child the brightest guidance.

The mother is constantly striving on the way to becoming herself, and the child naturally follows.

Liu Mintao said something sobering:

"It turns out that there is never one way to live in life, and you must never break your wings at any time.

It is difficult for people to meet everyone's expectations in this life, and it is enough to try to live up to yourself. ”

I think so.

Mother's world is not only children, not only firewood, rice, oil and salt, every mother should have the confidence and strength to bravely pursue dreams and live their own lives.

Because the identity of "mother" has never been a stumbling block in life.

As long as we are willing, as mothers, we can see our inner needs while holding up our children, accompany our children and grow up at the same time, giving ourselves a new way of living.

New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy), a parenting platform that millions of parents pay attention to, delivers professional family education concepts, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a family habit.