"What do you think is fairest in the world?"
I don't think there's absolute fairness in the world. But Ahao said: "In this world, the fairest thing is the sun, regardless of latitude, in every place for a whole year, day and darkness are divided into half..."
Ah Hao is the eldest in the family and has a younger brother, Ah He. Mother Qin sister is a beautician, and father Arwen is a driving school instructor.
This ordinary family of four comes from "The Sun", which was nominated for eleven Golden Horse Awards.
Ahao and Ah He are opposites:
Ahao is a "good student" that everyone praises, sensible, excellent, and good-looking,
Ah He is a "bad boy" who does not learn to cause trouble everywhere, and ends up hurting people and becoming a juvenile delinquent.
The father loves the eldest son Ah Hao carefully and expectantly, and gives up on the younger son Ah He completely. When Ah He hurt someone, his father said, "I hope he is locked up until he is old and dead." "He said he only had one son.
However, such an excellent Ah Hao, a radiant child who is pampered by thousands of people, jumped from the roof of the community on an ordinary night and ended his young life.
Why is he like this?
Perhaps we can get a clue from his last text message:
"We went to the zoo the other day and the sun was so big that all the animals couldn't stand it. They all managed to find a shadow to hide, and I had a feeling that I couldn't tell the blur, and I wished that like these animals, there were some shadows to hide.
But I looked around, not only these animals have shadows to hide, including you, my brother, and even Sima Guang can find a corner with shadows, but I don't. I have no water tank, no dark places, only sunlight, 24 hours a day, bright and warm, the sun shines. ”
From this monologue, it can be found that Ahao knows that he has a dark side of depression in his heart, but he can't find a dark place to shelter himself, so that the real depression and darkness in his heart can be placed. Death seemed like a relief to him.
Many people's suffering often comes from an unrealistic desire for perfection, allowing only the good parts of themselves and not allowing their bad parts to exist.
They suppress, deny, and even harshly judge their true thoughts and emotions, especially those negative and dark thoughts and emotions (such as hatred of parents, jealousy and anger of fellow citizens, jealousy of classmates, wanting to depend, wanting to relax, etc.).
Because, unable to accept, always want to remove these glooms, but darkness is part of our human nature, so the heart is very conflicted and painful.
Suffering can only be lifted when they acknowledge and accept their true thoughts and emotions, and see and accept their more authentic humanity.
In the process of Ahao's growth, the love and evil of his parents are very clear: good learning, sensible and well-behaved love; Poor study, mischievous do not love. His parents' disacceptance of Ah He subtly affected Ah Hao. He witnessed all the unfair treatment of Ah He and deeply felt how an unloved child is treated.
He catered to his parents' expectations, turned himself into the "good child", and at the same time denied and suppressed the unacceptable "dark side" in his heart, and slowly turned himself into "polar day".
As he himself said: "I have no dark places, only sunlight, twenty-four hours a day, bright and warm, the sun shines." ”
"He is very good to people, and sometimes he feels as if he gives all the good to others and forgets to leave a little for himself..." Everyone thinks he is good, except himself. That's his problem: forgetting to love himself, or not self-acceptance.
Why can't you accept your dark side?
One important reason for this is the conditional love of parents.
In the Ahao family, parents love each other: the reason why Ah He is not loved is because he does not study well, is naughty, and does not understand things; Only when Ah Hao learns well and understands things will he be accepted and loved.
Children think that love is conditional, and that the parts that are not good enough and the dark parts of themselves are not allowed to exist.
Obedient, kind, well-behaved, is "good"; Occasional selfishness, anger, jealousy, and resistance are "bad" and need to be suppressed, which makes us constantly find ways to suppress these "dark tides", and our hearts are exhausted, depressed and powerless.
Perhaps, the original intention of parents is for the good of the child, the child just wants to try to get close to the parents' expectations, but in this process, conditional love makes the child feel like an object, only perfect enough, only useful to others, will be loved, is useful, valuable, has not learned to accept their imperfections and dark side, let alone learn to truly love themselves.
Epilogue:
Getting along well with yourself is a big problem that many people need to overcome.
Everyone wants to be lovely, loved, and accepted, but a child's ability to accept itself stems from the unconditional acceptance of parents or other caregivers.
If "there is no darkness, only sunlight", our hearts are controlled, lose their original freedom, and begin to become sensitive, cautious, defensive, and present to the world in a beautiful mask, but our hearts are struggling painfully.
The process of "self-acceptance" may seem simple, but it takes a long time to practice and is also interfered with by our own defense mechanisms.
Sometimes you need to rely on external forces and professional help, at this time, you may wish to try a professional personal growth counselor to help yourself.