To mother|Mum, I miss you."

Text/Lin Xiaoling (Guangdong)

It's Mother's Day again, Mom, are you okay in another world? Mom, my daughter misses you!

I will never forget that winter night last year, I received a call from my brother in the middle of the night, and that call, like a thunderbolt on a sunny day, completely shocked me! My heart ached like a tear! I know that my mother is really unbearable, she is so painful! She left us so hurriedly, out of this world.

Although there is a difference in life, when a loved one suddenly passes away, it is still difficult to give up this pain and helplessness. The night my mother left, I didn't sleep all night, her voice and smile always shined in the night, my heart was torn fiercely, tears warmed my eye sockets again and again, sadness burned my heart again and again, who can understand the pain of losing my mother who is separated from life and death, tearing my heart and lungs apart?

I knew that no matter how sad I was, reality told me that my mother was really gone. I was on the ground, she was underground, and from then on, yin and yang were separated, and our mother and daughter would never see each other again. Mom is really gone, gone forever, and what remains in my heart is the thoughts and pains that will never linger!

Some people say, "The tree wants to be quiet and the wind is not stopping, and the son wants to raise and not to be kissed." As a child, the regret that the son wants to raise and does not wait for him is really the one that can sting people's hearts the most of all regrets. When my mother left, heaven and earth, our mother and daughter could no longer see each other, and I became a motherless child. After my mother left, I washed my face with tears all day, and my heart was full of regret and pain.

Three years ago, my mother, who had been working all my life, suddenly got the bad news of terminal cancer. I remember when I first heard about my mother's illness, my whole family was shocked and couldn't believe that this kind of thing could happen to my mother. After my mother fell ill, my elderly father took her to the hospital all day long, and after busy every day, she was tired and had back pain without complaint. Unfortunately, in the end, it could not change the cruel reality, and the ruthless disease tormented her mother for three years, and she became increasingly emaciated, unstable, bedridden, and finally gave up.

Mom spent her last days in a hospital bed, she was in a coma for more than two months, and she woke up after the Mid-Autumn Festival, but her hands and feet were unconscious, she couldn't move, and when she woke up, the lights were exhausted. My bitter mother, she worked hard all her life, exhausted the years, survived the life, but fate did not care for her, the ruthless disease forced her to death, until the end of her life.

Mom, you left in such a hurry, it hurts your heart! I know that all the cries, sorrows, and sorrows are useless and cannot save her lost life!

On the day of my mother's funeral, the sun was shining on the earth, and the weather was surprisingly good, but my heart was stung faintly by the fierce sun. Mom just left, she was only 63 years old, and before she could say a word, even if it was a sentence, she walked quietly. I could no longer see her face, I could no longer hear her nagging, thinking and thinking, my heart was so painful that it was about to shatter.

Although her mother is an ordinary rural woman, she is very gentle, very kind, very diligent, very loving, very selfless, she respects the elderly and loves her children. In dealing with the elderly, she is extremely filial to her. In the more than thirty years that my mother and my grandmother got along, she never mixed her mouth with my grandmother once, and her face was red once, and my grandmother always praised her mother as a kind and generous daughter-in-law. When I learned the bad news that my mother had passed away, my 90-year-old grandmother was heartbroken, tearful, and her eyes were swollen with tears.

Mom loves family and children. In my memory, she never hit or scolded me and my brother, and rarely even spoke loudly to us. She has been thrifty and simple all her life, usually thrifty, reluctant to eat, reluctant to wear, never worn high-end clothing in her life, she is reluctant to spend an extra penny on herself, but she is unusually generous to me and my brother, always give us the best things, and give everything for us.

(Precious photos of my mother climbing the Great Wall 10 years ago)

Mother in this life, for me and my brother, there is always a fucking heart, she never says much, always work hard, afraid of adding a little trouble to her children, even when she is sick and so painful, she always forced a smile, afraid that we can see it, she does not want us to be too sad and sad, mother is like this, always think so well for us.

Mom has always been kind and generous, and she is also kind to her friends, colleagues, and neighbors, so her popularity is very good, her friends, colleagues and neighbors like to get along with her, and her kindness and generosity are famous in our town. She also often told my brother and me to be kind to the elderly, elders, relatives and friends, neighbors, to be people and do things, to remember the goodness of others, to remember the strengths of others, and to have a grateful heart.

Mother's life is indeed too bitter, too difficult, she has broken her heart for her father, children and grandchildren all her life, worked hard all her life, worked hard all her life, and has not enjoyed a day of happiness. It was easy to look forward to our brother and sister growing up, but she did not enjoy the joy of the world and hurried away, and did not even leave us with a last word of death, so she left silently. Her departure has left us with deep pain and regret as children.

Some people say that the greatest happiness in life is to have a mother at the age of seventy, and a mother at the age of eighty. The mother is here, you are still a child, there is still a place in life, the mother is not there, and life is only a way home. My mother's love is thick and profound, when I was a child, I didn't understand things, I always hated her nagging, and I didn't understand her bitter mouth. Now that I am older and a mother of two children, I have a deeper understanding of the meaning of the word "mother" and a deeper understanding of my mother's heavy love for me.

Tonight, it was another sleepless night, and I was full of thoughts under the stars. Mom, I miss you! Are you okay in another world? How many times have I woken up in a dream, and I am already in tears. Oh Mom! My daughter really misses you! Everything about you is my eternal concern!

Mom, daughter, thank you, thank you for your nurturing grace and love for me! Although you are gone, you will always live in your daughter's heart. Your strong love for me will accompany my daughter for the rest of her life!

Mom, rest in peace under the Nine Springs! May your hard-working and kind life be rewarded in the distant kingdom of heaven! Mother, if there is an afterlife, we will still be mother and daughter!

Lin Xiaoling

May 5, 2022

About the author: Lin Xiaoling, a native of Yangjiang, Guangdong, loves life and beauty, likes to dream and like romance, likes music and likes words. He is currently a member of Yangjiang Writers Association, Yangjiang Poetry Society, Yangjiang Writers and Artists Critics Association, and Deputy Secretary-General of Yangjiang Jiangcheng District Writers Association. He has published several essays, poems, essays, novels, and film reviews in Foshan Literature and Art, Jiangmen Literature and Art, Yangcheng Evening News, Zhanjiang Daily, Zhongshan Daily, Yangjiang Daily, and other newspapers and periodicals, and has won many awards in essay contests.

Submission email: [email protected]

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