Remembering the 3 experiences of his son being bullied, he summarized 3 suggestions for parents to make their children less bullied

Wen | condensed mother's understanding

When the child tells you that you are "bullied at school", your approach is related to the child's attitude towards things, and whether he can correctly deal with being bullied in the future is hidden in your language and behavior.

I am giving the 4-year-old Erbao "anti-bullying enlightenment education", remembering the 3 experiences of my son being bullied when he was a child, which is unforgettable. From these experiences, I have learned some lessons and shared a few suggestions with you.

The first experience.

When my son was in the first grade of elementary school, he was often bullied, he came back to complain, I once told him: a child has poor self-control, it is normal to use his hands and feet, is he playing with you? Don't take it to heart.

My son also felt that he thought too much, and everyone was doing nothing to fight.

Later, the child not only troubled his son after class, but also made trouble during class. He sat behind his son and always poked him in the back with a pencil, influencing him to listen to lectures.

I said to my son: You have to tell the teacher, let the teacher criticize and educate him, the teacher's words work.

The son obediently told the teacher, who also criticized and educated the child. But the child was honest for a few days, and after that, he still bullied his son frequently.

When the son went to tell the teacher again, the teacher was a little impatient and said to the son, "Wait until he hits you 10 times, and then you will tell me again." ”

The son really began to calculate 10 times, one day of kung fu is enough, when telling the teacher, the teacher only said that he knew, and did not support the son.

I told my son: You still have to solve it yourself, he hits you again, you will fight back. Later, the son rarely said that he was bullied, nor did the person who bullied him stop, but he did not want to say it again, anyway, parents and teachers could not count on it, or rely on themselves. Fortunately, the child transferred after the first grade.

Second experience.

One day, I saw blood on my son's nose and thought he had a nosebleed, but I saw that he was not in the right mood, and there seemed to be tears in his eyes, so I asked him what was wrong, and it turned out that he and his classmates had a fight.

When school was over, he forgot to take something, ran back to the classroom, and because he was in too much of a hurry, he accidentally touched the arm of a classmate, and the classmate came to hit him, and he began to fight back. In the process, his nose bled.

At that time, I was particularly angry, I wanted to find a teacher, I wanted to find a parent, but then I thought that my son was usually very irritable, and if he didn't bump into others, there would be no accident.

I told my son that fighting is prone to danger, and you should be careful when walking in the future to avoid causing unnecessary trouble. I didn't talk to the teacher again, so I put it down.

The third experience.

Once, in my son's classmate record, I accidentally saw the messages of several classmates and gave my son a nickname, and my heart sank at that time. But looking at my son's usual happiness, it seems that the nickname has no impact on him, and I have not asked again.

After a few years, more and more classmates called his son's nickname, and the drama was more serious, and the son listened very harshly. When a classmate called him again, he got angry, and in front of the teacher and classmates, he hammered a few fists on the back of the classmates. The teacher immediately thought that his son had violent tendencies, criticized his son, and complained to me.

When the son came home, he shut himself on the balcony, very aggrieved, and subconsciously thought of the nickname.

When my son's mood stabilized, I asked him what was wrong, and my son cried and couldn't speak, so I said the nickname for him, and my son's tears opened like a floodgate, crying and nodding.

I communicated with the teacher again, and the teacher also asked the classmates about the situation, my guess was the same as the real situation, and the classmates did call an ugly nickname, which made the son intolerable.

In order to create a more harmonious atmosphere, the teacher stressed in the class that nicknames are not allowed, and in the future, the phenomenon of calling nicknames is eliminated, and the relationship between the son and his classmates is also as good as ever.

Summarizing my son's experience of being bullied in several stages, I found that because the child was not educated to deal with bullying at the beginning, the child did not know how to correctly solve the problem when facing bullying, resulting in not wanting to tell the teacher and the parents when being bullied. Summarized the following 3 suggestions, please keep parents in mind.

The first piece of advice is to give your child practical help.

Blindly asking children to tell teachers is not a wise approach. The teacher may also be annoyed, "Why do you find trouble for me every day?" Children look for teachers, but parents have not communicated with the teacher, and the teacher does not pay enough attention to psychology.

Let the child tell the teacher at the same time, we must communicate with the teacher in time, let the teacher pay attention to this problem, understand the ins and outs, adjust the seat to the child, find the other parent, home-school union, solve the problem more efficiently.

Look at the third experience, communicate with the teacher, and effectively solve the child's problems, the effect is very good.

The second tip is not to make your child feel remorseful.

The child is bullied, we tell the child, "the classmates are not intentional" and "the classmates are playing", such a reply, will make the child feel that his judgment is wrong.

When the child fights with the classmate who bullied him, we do not understand him and comfort him, but let him walk carefully, and the child will also deeply blame himself, making it worse.

Some children bully people, really do not need a reason, that is, to see that you are not pleasing to the eye, to see that you are obedient, is to bully you.

Therefore, the above words should not be easily spoken to the child to prevent the child from suffering secondary harm.

The third suggestion is to let the child know what situation is being bullied and prevent it as soon as possible.

There are a lot of bullying that is very hidden, and the initial signs are very small, and the children don't care. If the child is accustomed to it, the classmate will think that the child can accept it, so it will be unscrupulous.

His son's nickname was called for 3 years, and at first he happily dismissed it, and more and more classmates called him nickname, more and more frequently, and even added insults.

If the son knew very early that the nickname belonged to language bullying, and had bravely said "no" from the beginning of being called, it would have been eliminated in the bud long ago, and it would not have developed to the later severity.

Therefore, in the matter of the child being bullied, the parent's approach is too important, to give the child some practical solutions, really help the child, but also to soothe the child's emotions, let the child understand that it is not their fault, but also let the child identify what is being bullied in advance, early detection and early solution.

I'm @Gelma Goku

Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience

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