At noon dinner, the younger brother took the wrong sister's bowl and picked a strip with chopsticks! The sister saw it and said angrily, "Brother, you used my bowl!" Although Grandma immediately exchanged her, my sister kept making a fuss there, tying her head, not talking, not eating!
Grandma told her to hurry up to eat, and she didn't squeak. I also asked her to hurry up and eat, and said, "My brother took your bowl, but he didn't eat it. As a result, the more she said, the less squeaky she became! Grandpa gave her a bowl of porridge and told her to eat it quickly, without squeaking!
Looking at her stubbornness, my temper came up at once, and I didn't want to deal with her. When I finished, I asked him again, "Why are you angry?" "But I asked six or seven times, and she just didn't squeak!"
In a fit of rage, I pulled her up and headed upstairs. When I got upstairs and saw my brother's wooden sword on the ground, I took her by the hand and said, "How many times have I told you, and you'll say it back!" "But she just didn't squeak, so angry that I slapped her again!"
After the fight, I said, "I ask you, can you squeak, can you hear?" She still didn't say, bowed her head, and was so angry that I hit the wooden sword on the table, and the wooden sword instantly became two halves. I also know that my state is particularly scary, I don't want to make such a big fire on her, and I don't want to affect her mental health. However, in the face of her appearance, I really couldn't control my temper, and I threw everything on the table out in one breath.
I lost my temper upstairs, and Grandma lost her temper downstairs and said she had never seen her lose her temper!
Afterwards, I kept reflecting, did she follow my temper? What is going on with her, I am also analyzing in my heart, why it will make trouble once in a while.
I really don't know whether her stubborn temper is my habit or does not understand her inner thoughts, I sometimes really want to hit her hard once, let her remember sex for a long time! I wanted to talk to her well, understand her, and analyze the reasons, but every time I would be angry and lose my temper.
I feel so frustrated, in the morning I still think about reflecting on myself that I must achieve the unity of knowledge and action, but I overturned?
That day, when I saw a mother send me this text, my first reaction was that I felt that my sister was not understood and had been sulking. So I asked, "You've been talking about her, you've always let her eat, why don't you give her a little quiet time?" ”
"I really should have let her stay quiet first, but when the momentum came up, I kept throwing a tantrum!" The mother explained.
In fact, she just needs her brother to say sorry. She wouldn't be so angry. "I pointed the problem to the point.
"Yes, I also feel that my brother should say sorry to her, but we are always saying it."
"You adults have been blaming your sister, but you have not let your brother take on the responsibilities he should bear. Your way of dealing with it in such an unfair and unjust way not only makes your sister aggrieved, but also makes your brother shirk responsibility. If the younger brother is wrong, he is wrong, and if he is wrong, he must be responsible for his own actions, and he will learn that the mistake is corrected. ”
"Yes, yes, yes, the younger brother should be responsible for his actions." She replied with no reply.
Ten minutes later, she sent me this text: "We just talked about this matter together, and my brother took the initiative to apologize to my sister and said: "Sister, I'm sorry, I didn't see the bowl clearly, I took your bowl at will, next time I should see the bowl and take it again!" After apologizing to my sister, she said to me, "Mom, you can't scare your sister!" ”
The sister also expressed her true feelings, she said: "I am very angry to see my brother use my bowl, I don't want others to touch my things." I'm angry and angry, it's not that I don't want to answer you, I don't mean not to answer, it's just that I'm too angry. If I ever do it again, I will definitely speak well. ”
After listening to the apologies of the sisters and brothers, I also said my own problem, I said: "When my brother took the wrong bowl at that time, I should let my brother say sorry to my sister; when my sister is angry and does not speak, I should not be angry, I should let my sister stay quiet for a while, I should not ask my sister all the time, I should give my sister a little more time." ”
Finally, I said to my sister, "We let you eat because we care about you and love you, and I hope you will understand our love in the future." ”
After we all apologized, my brother and sister reconciled, and my heart was much calmer.
Just after reading this text, she sent another text of thanks: "Thank you Teacher Long!" You are not only my "fire extinguisher", but also my "indicating light". Your reply made me open my current narrow vision, let me have a long-term direction, and the education of them now is a guide for their future direction! ”
When two children have a conflict, many parents like to stand on the moral high ground to ask the boss, more or less is "you are big, he is small, you let him a little", "so a little bit of small things, you can't tolerate it?" Why do you like to be calculating so much? "We're all for your own good, how come you don't know anything good" and so on.
Although the eldest is older than the second eldest, she is only a child after all. In the minds of children, their world is very simple, everything is not a small thing, they are so love and hate, right is right, wrong is wrong. The wrong person is not criticized, but the innocent self is wronged. Therefore, no matter what her family says about her and accuses her, she is "rather dead than yielding", no matter how you get angry, she just does not squeak, makes you angry, and is like a deflated ball, helplessly defeated.
The child's just and clear world strongly requires parents to deal with the contradiction between the two children fairly and justly, wrong is wrong, even if the second child, the parents can not cover up, but also need to guide him to apologize to the boss, need to take responsibility for their mistakes.
This method of treatment by parents does not wrongdo the boss, but also cultivates the sense of responsibility of the second brother. It not only helps to establish a good relationship between the hands and siblings, but also helps the growth of two children.
The secret to resolving many contradictions is hidden in a "sorry", when the party who made the mistake apologizes, the problem is solved, the contradiction is naturally resolved, and everyone is happy. In order to achieve such an outcome, it is necessary for parents to deal with problems fairly and justly, and to deal with things and not people.
At noon dinner, the younger brother took the wrong sister's bowl and picked a strip with chopsticks! The sister saw it and said angrily, "Brother, you used my bowl!" Although Grandma immediately exchanged her, my sister kept making a fuss there, tying her head, not talking, not eating!
Grandma told her to hurry up to eat, and she didn't squeak. I also asked her to hurry up and eat, and said, "My brother took your bowl, but he didn't eat it. As a result, the more she said, the less squeaky she became! Grandpa gave her a bowl of porridge and told her to eat it quickly, without squeaking!
Looking at her stubbornness, my temper came up at once, and I didn't want to deal with her. When I finished, I asked him again, "Why are you angry?" "But I asked six or seven times, and she just didn't squeak!"
In a fit of rage, I pulled her up and headed upstairs. When I got upstairs and saw my brother's wooden sword on the ground, I took her by the hand and said, "How many times have I told you, and you'll say it back!" "But she just didn't squeak, so angry that I slapped her again!"
After the fight, I said, "I ask you, can you squeak, can you hear?" She still didn't say, bowed her head, and was so angry that I hit the wooden sword on the table, and the wooden sword instantly became two halves. I also know that my state is particularly scary, I don't want to make such a big fire on her, and I don't want to affect her mental health. However, in the face of her appearance, I really couldn't control my temper, and I threw everything on the table out in one breath.
I lost my temper upstairs, and Grandma lost her temper downstairs and said she had never seen her lose her temper!
Afterwards, I kept reflecting, did she follow my temper? What is going on with her, I am also analyzing in my heart, why it will make trouble once in a while.
I really don't know whether her stubborn temper is my habit or does not understand her inner thoughts, I sometimes really want to hit her hard once, let her remember sex for a long time! I wanted to talk to her well, understand her, and analyze the reasons, but every time I would be angry and lose my temper.
I feel so frustrated, in the morning I still think about reflecting on myself that I must achieve the unity of knowledge and action, but I overturned?
That day, when I saw a mother send me this text, my first reaction was that I felt that my sister was not understood and had been sulking. So I asked, "You've been talking about her, you've always let her eat, why don't you give her a little quiet time?" ”
"I really should have let her stay quiet first, but when the momentum came up, I kept throwing a tantrum!" The mother explained.
In fact, she just needs her brother to say sorry. She wouldn't be so angry. "I pointed the problem to the point.
"Yes, I also feel that my brother should say sorry to her, but we are always saying it."
"You adults have been blaming your sister, but you have not let your brother take on the responsibilities he should bear. Your way of dealing with it in such an unfair and unjust way not only makes your sister aggrieved, but also makes your brother shirk responsibility. If the younger brother is wrong, he is wrong, and if he is wrong, he must be responsible for his own actions, and he will learn that the mistake is corrected. ”
"Yes, yes, yes, the younger brother should be responsible for his actions." She replied with no reply.
Ten minutes later, she sent me this text: "We just talked about this matter together, and my brother took the initiative to apologize to my sister and said: "Sister, I'm sorry, I didn't see the bowl clearly, I took your bowl at will, next time I should see the bowl and take it again!" After apologizing to my sister, she said to me, "Mom, you can't scare your sister!" ”
The sister also expressed her true feelings, she said: "I am very angry to see my brother use my bowl, I don't want others to touch my things." I'm angry and angry, it's not that I don't want to answer you, I don't mean not to answer, it's just that I'm too angry. If I ever do it again, I will definitely speak well. ”
After listening to the apologies of the sisters and brothers, I also said my own problem, I said: "When my brother took the wrong bowl at that time, I should let my brother say sorry to my sister; when my sister is angry and does not speak, I should not be angry, I should let my sister stay quiet for a while, I should not ask my sister all the time, I should give my sister a little more time." ”
Finally, I said to my sister, "We let you eat because we care about you and love you, and I hope you will understand our love in the future." ”
After we both apologized, my brother and sister reconciled, and my psychology was much calmer.
Just after reading this text, she sent another text of thanks: "Thank you Teacher Long!" You are not only my "fire extinguisher", but also my "indicating light". Your reply made me open my current narrow vision, let me have a long-term direction, and the education of them now is a guide for their future direction! ”
When two children have a conflict, many parents like to stand on the moral high ground to ask the boss, more or less is "you are big, he is small, you let him a little", "so a little bit of small things, you can't tolerate it?" Why do you like to be calculating so much? "We're all for your own good, how come you don't know anything good" and so on.
Although the eldest is older than the second eldest, she is only a child after all. In the minds of children, their world is very simple, everything is not a small thing, they are so love and hate, right is right, wrong is wrong. The wrong person is not criticized, but the innocent self is wronged. Therefore, no matter what her family says about her and accuses her, she is "rather dead than yielding", no matter how you get angry, she just does not squeak, makes you angry, and is like a deflated ball, helplessly defeated.
The child's just and clear world strongly requires parents to deal with the contradiction between the two children fairly and justly, wrong is wrong, even if the second child, the parents can not cover up, but also need to guide him to apologize to the boss, need to take responsibility for their mistakes.
This method of treatment by parents does not wrongdo the boss, but also cultivates the sense of responsibility of the second brother. It not only helps to establish a good relationship between the hands and siblings, but also helps the growth of two children.
The secret to resolving many contradictions is hidden in a "sorry", when the party who made the mistake apologizes, the problem is solved, the contradiction is naturally resolved, and everyone is happy. In order to achieve such an outcome, it is necessary for parents to deal with problems fairly and justly, and to deal with things and not people.
Long Chunhua, parent-child writer, founder of Long Chunhua Parent-Child Practice Classroom, second-child mother, author of more than ten works such as "Raising Boys, Mothers Have a Way", "Children, You Are the Best Of Yourself", "Infant Behavior Psychology" and so on.
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