The most important lesson for all mothers, injecting self-compassion into the 7 steps of parenting

Inevitably, too many complex thoughts and feelings arise about our role as mothers.

When we consciously inject self-compassion into our parenting, there are many benefits to ourselves and our parenting.

As mothers, we are expected to be knowledgeable and skilled. In most other jobs, there is a large margin of error. In the parenting process, mistakes can have serious consequences for the well-being of our children. The increasing pressures of doing a great job cannot be underestimated, and often lead to permanent feelings of worry, fear, guilt and shame, as well as many other uncomfortable and negative emotions.

How could there not be? We were expected to do everything for our children. We need to have the skills needed to effectively act as child protectors, teachers, coaches, etc. We should also have enough money to demonstrate, teach, and correct their behavior.

Critical self-judgment

We experience enduring self-judgment as well as judging others. We ourselves say to others, "Look at Peter; his parents must have ignored ____________ We say this about ourselves: "If I could have been more attentive, Peter would not have been as ____ as he is now." "We are our own harshest critics. Our mindset makes us feel inadequate because we often compare ourselves to other, more cohesive, well-adjusted, and excellent mothers and their families.

When we struggle or worry about whether we have raised functional, moral, and successful children, it is often intimidating, as if we are shouldering the burden of the world. For other jobs, there is a termination date. As parents, the roles we assume and the concerns we internalize will last a lifetime throughout a child's development. We make a lifelong commitment to our parents, take on these roles, and deal with all the feelings that are often aroused because we care.

Factors that influence self-perception

If we do a good enough job of raising children, there will be inferences in society about who we should be and what kind of people our children should be. Cultivating self-love and self-compassion becomes challenging when we are so critical of what we have to do, especially when we feel inadequate.

As mothers, we feel disappointed and inadequate because we sometimes falter in the face of daunting parenting challenges. As human beings, we are completely imperfect. We will miscalculate, make mistakes, and regret it. All of this is inherent in being a mother. When we venture to become mothers, we are willing to accept this.

As mothers and human beings, we are born to be forgiven and loved. Defects and mistakes in our parenting process are inevitable. They can be critical learning moments. They can be a great opportunity to gain more self-awareness and improve yourself in the future.

Develop the habit of self-compassion

Self-compassion involves treating yourself like you would someone you love, who is going through a tough time, or an imperfect person living in an imperfect world, like all of us. Cultivating self-compassion is an endeavor to put into it because we're committed to one of the most challenging jobs in the world – motherhood.

Science has shown significant benefits associated with self-compassion. There are data to support the idea that compassion is associated with less depression, more optimism, greater happiness, and more life satisfaction. This is crucial in the parenting process because it helps us respect and accept everything about ourselves, including our flaws, mistakes, and complex thoughts and feelings.

If we are immersed in guilt, shame, and despair, it can have a detrimental effect on the way we raise. Living in self-blame and self-condemnation is detrimental to our physical and mental health and affects our ability to be proactive, coordinated, and now mothers. Sadness, disappointment, and regret, on the other hand, push us to raise our sense of self, learn from past mistakes, and force us to start changing. Through personal insight, self-forgiveness, and the promotion of deeper self-connection, great healing is possible.

Resentment towards ourselves puts us in a bind. When we forgive ourselves and practice self-compassion, we feel freer and more capable. This also directly makes us more accepting and compassionate to our beloved children.

7 Steps to Injecting Self-Compassion into Parenting

When you feel frustrated, angry, irritated, or any other feeling about parenting, do you admit it or deny it? In this moment, take the time to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and the physical sensations you are experiencing.

When you notice everything about the first thing, also pay attention to whether you are judging or criticizing your own thoughts, feelings, and/or feelings. If you are, summarize and mark what you are doing. For example, express, "Now I consider myself a bad mother because she gets frustrated with Kate and yells at her." ”

Dig into your parenting values and find out why what you say or do or don't say or don't do is inconsistent with what you are as a mother or want to be. Thank you for the negative emotions that arise as they remind you of the true importance of parenting values to you. Also, express gratitude to yourself because you take your parenting values very seriously and you never want to be any other way.

Take a moment of conscious self-compassion. Validate your feelings and reactions (that doesn't mean you need to make excuses for this behavior). For example, "When Kate treats me with disrespect, it triggers my anger." When I feel deeply hurt and rejected, controlling my anger and impulses is quite a challenge for me. ”

Express your compassion by showing gestures of self-love and self-compassion, such as embracing yourself with crossed arms, putting your hands on your heart, rubbing your temples, or doing anything else you think can nourish and soothe. When you do, convey your true feelings. "When I feel hurt and rejected, I struggle. I want to do better next time and express my feelings instead of acting on my feelings. I will always strive to be a better parent because it is so important to me. ”

Determine how you react and behave in that moment and in the future based on your parenting values. For example, you can apologize to Kate for yelling at her, have discussions about her feelings and your feelings, and emphasize the need for mutual respect, prudence, and how things can make a meaningful difference in your relationship.

We always strive to be heard, validated, acknowledged, and noted. Are you focused on your flaws and deny or take your positive contributions to parenting for granted? At the end of each day, consciously take stock of your strengths and accomplishments, including the smaller and larger, your qualities of love, your courageous behavior, and your desire to give, love, and grow when raising your children.

Challenging moments and painful thoughts and feelings related to parenting are inevitable. Stratified judgment, criticism, and condemnation can lead to additional suffering. Engaging in self-compassion in the parenting process increases our self-confidence and enables us to treat ourselves and parenting more lovingly, as we all deserve, as we all deserve to be the best mothers we can be.