My son didn't fight for anything, always at the bottom of the list. Tell you a joke, once they took a group photo, and I saw the child standing in the first row, very happy, so I asked him: "You stood in the first row this time?" As a result, the child said: "After we stood on our own, the teacher told us to 'turn backwards', and I was in the first row...
After laughing, do you also feel the helplessness of this mother?
I feel the same way about this mother's distress. Because my eldest son is also of this type, no matter what he does not argue, he will let go of all kinds of good opportunities in vain, which is really "sensible" to make people angry and distressed. Even the basketball team he was good at did not sign up for it on his own initiative, but the basketball teacher accidentally saw the way he played basketball in physical education class, and dug it up.
Why do children let go of opportunities in vain? Why don't you dare to "go out"?
If the small things in front of us are harmless, the next case is a little bit heavy.
My daughter's grades have always been good, and the teacher also wants to exercise her, so he chooses her as an English class representative. However, she herself was particularly stressed, always worried that if she did not do well, she would disappoint the teacher, and she was worried that the teacher would not like her. At that time, the child had insomnia all night, and the grades also declined, and finally there was no way, we communicated with the teacher, did not let her do the class representative, and the child recovered.
Why are children afraid of success? Even if it is only a small achievement of the class representative, can it make them anxious to this point?
What makes a child so low in self-esteem that he even feels unworthy of "standing in the front row"?
What is it that they are so "flattering" and self-doubting, afraid of doing something wrong and being hated by the teacher?
Why are they so inferior and afraid of failure that they dare not sign up for the interest class they are good at?
After communicating with the two mothers, I was surprised to find that the two children and my eldest son have a very similar home education environment.
Keywords: pampering, overprotective, inferiority
All three moms, including myself, think their children are being loved enough. Not only that, because all three children are "bosses", at an early age they receive not only the attention of their parents, but also the love of the whole family.
Why do children who grow up in pampering show "inferiority" instead?
The problem is "overprotected".
Because of pampering, we hope that children will not take a wrong step in the process of growing up. Therefore, he should eat enough at each meal according to the "nutritious recipe"; he should stay away from junk food, always dress warmly, stay away from three disasters and five diseases... The best way to ensure that the child is "absolutely safe" and "not to cause trouble" is to control him and let him "listen to me".
This kind of control continues until the child grows up, so he hears too many "no", "you have to do this", "you let go, I come"...
So, when the child climbs to a big rock and is proud of his success, what he hears is: "Come down, what to do if you fall?" The child's interpretation might be: "I can't succeed because I climb on a rock and fall down." ”
When a child tries to match a set of clothes he likes, what he hears is: "It's too cold, you can't wear this now!" The child's interpretation may be: "The clothes I matched were wrong!" ”
When the child receives a full glass of water and wants to serve it to you, what he hears is: "Put it down, I will come, you will spill it..." - the child's interpretation may be: "I can't do it, I have to rely on adults to do it." ”
Completely out of consideration for the sake of the child, but to the child to pass on distrust, let the child feel "I can't do it, I can't succeed, I rely on the adult" message, become the source of the child's inferiority.
If your child is not old, please understand that when he puts "food in Coke", it is a very fulfilling thing; don't interrupt his sense of accomplishment, the time and energy it takes to clean up now is nothing compared to the worries brought about by the "inferiority" of future children.
If your child has grown up, then starting today, do three things:
1. What the child eats and wears is up to him. Even if you look cold in the winter and you look at the heat in the summer, it is up to him to let the child find back trust in his feelings.
2. Give your child some small responsibilities, such as housework. Don't evaluate from beginning to end, and sincerely say "thank you" is the biggest praise for the child.
3, allow children to develop their own hobbies, and find confidence in them - for many children, it is difficult to find a sense of achievement in learning, but the confidence found in hobbies can be transferred to other aspects.
Keywords: protect self-esteem, low self-esteem
A mother especially mentioned that she attaches great importance to protecting her child's self-esteem, never talks to her seriously, the child does not do well in the exam, and will try to comfort her.
But it is this child who shows obvious "low self-esteem", and the views of teachers, parents, and classmates appear anxious and humble...
The problem, I'm afraid, is the overprotectiveness of "self-esteem."
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