"If I don't eat it again, I'm going to eat it!"
"If you don't come again, we'll leave!"
Many parents have a similar mantra,
But threats like these appear frequently in children's lives,
What are the consequences?
1, do not force, talk about the reasons, learn to be grateful
More important than the threat is to tell the child the most important reason
"If you don't eat it again, I'm going to eat it!" "If you don't come again, we'll leave!" ...... I often hear people say this to a child, and then the child will show that he is in a hurry, even crying, and even rob the food that the parents want him to eat... I watched from the sidelines, always wondering, why would anyone like their own children to behave so indecently and unkindly on the outside? Why not give your child the right to think rationally and autonomously?
If this thing is delicious, I don't think you need to say more, he will naturally take one bite after another, if he is hungry, he will obediently sit in the seat and eat and then run around, the child also has his own ideas, he has his own priorities in his head, we really should not interfere too much. My child has a bad appetite from a young age, even snacks can not attract him, often eat a bite or two will not eat, then I prefer to say: if you do not eat, then the mother will eat, because it is very wasteful, we do not want to waste food.
"Because it's wasteful" is the focus of interference, and many of us often forget to talk about it. Fortunately, my child never quarrels because others are going to eat the food in front of him, or others don't wait for him, he is very calm about these things, this attitude makes me very comfortable.
Now he's bigger, and when he's not eating, I'll ask him to say, "Mom, I'm full, thank you." "I want him to learn that it's not a matter of course that I prepare food for him, it's not that he leaves without eating and patting his ass, it's something to be thankful for." And if he says this as a habit, just like reading the Bible, it will be imprinted in his heart for a long time, and this idea of gratitude will be remembered in his heart.
2. Have you ever had no intention of teaching your children to monopolize and rob?
Behind the threat, we inadvertently teach our children something
I once met a real case in a well-known shopping mall.
There are cute cars and carts in that mall, children sit in it, let the mothers push and go, the mother can rent at will, but sometimes too many people will not be able to rent. Once the child was a little tired walking, just happened to park a car trolley next to it, there was no one sitting inside, the child walked over to open the door, but before he arrived, he heard another aunt shouting: "So-and-so, if you don't sit in the cart again, others will come to sit!" Then her little boy ran over to the cart in a hurry and took possession of the cart...
The kid, presumably trained for a long time, immediately rushed back and sat in the car and looked at our family like a robber. I could understand that the mother had no intention of targeting, she was just annoyed by the children she was running around, and the big bags and small bags had to take care of the cart, and finally found a way to call the moving children back, and she didn't even have to dress up in blackface.
But on the spot, I was still frightened that someone would handle things like this. I think the mom was completely unaware that she herself had taught her children something —exclusivity and robbery.
3. Deliberately provoking jealousy in children is an evil
Threats trigger jealousy and insecurity in children
The elders in the family sometimes want to hug the grandson, but the grandson does not want to be held at that time, at this time some elders will make a gesture to hold other people's children, or deliberately hold other children to stimulate his jealousy, once the grandson cries for this, the elders will be extremely happy to feel that they are valued.
I watch this kind of story every day, and it is inevitable to sigh, after all, this is very different from snatching food or a car, which triggers the dark side of human nature. Jealousy can cause a lot of terrible things, look at the daily social version of the news, how many murders are caused by jealousy? Don't say you can't understand, or think that the killers must be mentally ill, maybe the problem is his family education.
Let the child understand that not holding him is not the same as not loving him, which seems like a small thing but is very important. My child also often refuses to be hugged by others, but he will not be stressed, because he knows that although he does not give hugs, he takes the initiative to ask his grandparents some things in life, and the grandparents are just as happy. The focus is on the child's own rational thoughts, and he will not waver after he has the confidence to judge, and will not easily compromise because of these emotional threats.
And the role of the mother is also very important, I never force him to give to anyone to hug, his body is his, he can be the master, make a reasonable declaration. Some people will think that I think too much, and the consequences of thinking about everything are very serious; but I think that nothing is more important than personality building, and in fact I also think that I have not taken care of it, and really, small shortcomings that I did not pay attention to may indeed accumulate into big defects in personality.
Wen/Neo Mom
The original article was published on Neo's Momodo blog
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