Attention and child behavior
Your attention is a huge reward for your child. If your child behaves in a specific way and gets your attention, they will most likely behave that way again.
When you focus on good behavior, it shows your child that acting in the way you like will generate positive interest. This means that you can use your attention to encourage the behavior you want.
When you start focusing on good behavior, you may find yourself feeling more positive as well. That's because you pay more attention to your child's good behavior than their challenging behavior.
Use positive attention as a behavior management strategy
A positive focus on behavior means getting your child to behave well. This means keeping an eye on what your child is doing and letting your child know that you have noticed that they are doing the right thing and that you are happy.
You can give this attention in a number of ways:
Praise – for example, "Good sharing, Kezia"
Encouragement – for example, "Keep up the good work, Lackland"
Physical feelings or gestures – for example, smiling, hugging and cuddling, or "thumbs up" when your child is quietly playing while you're on the phone
Active listening – For example, when your child tells you something with a normal voice instead of yelling, you listen with interest.
This kind of attention works best if you do it often rather than occasionally. That's because you've gotten into the habit of looking for positives. In addition, your child will receive a lot of reminders about behaviors that you like and want to see more.
You can also focus on good behavior anywhere – at the supermarket, eating, washing dishes or walking to school. As part of your daily interactions with your child, you don't need any extra time.
Praising good behavior is especially important for behaviors that your child has difficulty learning. You can praise effort and behavior. If you praise your child for their efforts, they are more likely to keep trying, even if their behavior isn't successful.
For example, your child may have a hard time remembering not to disturb you while you are on the phone. You can say, 'Well done, Darcy. I know it's hard for you to wait while I speak. I really like that you try not to interrupt'.
In general, try to praise your child or give positive attention more often than you can correct or criticize.
How to make it a part of everyday life
The more positive attention you give your child, the more natural it becomes — and the better it will be for your relationship. Building a good relationship with you is also good for your child's behavior.
Here are some things you can do that will help your relationship and your child's behavior:
Take the time to get to know your child
Pay attention to the things that fascinate your child—the petals on a flower, the ants crisscrossing the sidewalk, the sauce bottles in the supermarket—rather than urging the child to move on to the next activity. Pay attention to the books your child chooses in the library, or the skills they build on the horizontal bar in the park. If you're interested in what interests them, your child will know they're valued.
Follow your child's lead
When you spend time with your child, it's best to make your child choose as many games or activities as possible. This conveys a message that your child's interests are important, which helps your child feel loved and gives your child confidence.
near
You can sit on the floor, kneel on the grass or crouch down next to your child's chair. Face your child and move to their side instead of watching from the other end of the room. Look into your child's eyes, release your arms, and smile at them.
Comment on what your child is doing
For example, you can say, "I see you like red trucks" or "This is a funny bug you're looking at." This shows your child that you are paying attention and interest, which will build your child's trust and confidence. It can also build your relationships.