94.6% of the respondents felt that the phenomenon of parents "taking big packages" for their children is common

64.9% of respondents pointed out that this can lead to children being highly dependent and unable to deal with problems independently

China Youth Daily and China Youth Network reporter Du Yuanchun

Nowadays, more and more parents realize the importance of cultivating their children's independent ability and encourage their children to do their own things. But there are still many parents who are reluctant to let go, and small things must be done by themselves. During the epidemic prevention and control period, many primary and secondary schools across the country have implemented home learning. Parents have to be busy with work and urge their children to learn, and those parents who are accustomed to "big packages" for their children especially feel "big head".

Recently, a survey conducted by the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center (wenjuan.com) on 2011 respondents showed that 94.6% of the respondents felt that the phenomenon of parents "taking big packages" for their children was common, and the feelings of the parents interviewed were more obvious. 64.9% of respondents pointed out that this can lead to children being highly dependent and unable to deal with problems independently.

Of the respondents, 81.7% were parents of their children. 29.8% live in first-tier cities, 47.6% in second-tier cities, 19.3% in third- and fourth-tier cities, 2.7% in counties or towns, and 0.4% in rural areas.

94.6% of the respondents felt that the phenomenon of parents "taking big packages" for their children is common

Feng Yuning of Tangshan, Hebei Province, recently worked from home. To supervise her children's home learning, but also to "take care" of their children's lives, she felt anxious. Every day, she has to prepare clothes, shoes and socks for her children, books for various subjects, and help sharpen pencils, clean up desks, etc., which take up a lot of her time.

"My workload has multiplied several times. Also prepare lunch, the time is very tight. Often replying to customers while cooking, lack of skills. But Feng Yuning never let the child do housework, and always felt that the child could not do well, such as choosing vegetables and washing vegetables.

The mother of three, He Yilin, lives in Beijing's Haidian district and is in the fifth grade at Wanquan Elementary School. She said that the three babies in the family should be brought, and there is no time and energy to "take care of the big package" for the children, and the children try to let them do their own things. But there is no shortage of parents around her who like to take care of the big and small affairs for their children, "My relative's child is more than ten years old, and the parents help her cut the apple every time and then serve it to her to eat." If it is not cut well, she will not eat the apple herself."

Talking about parents taking too much care of their children, Zhou Cong, a second-grade teacher at an international primary school in Changping District, Beijing, was deeply touched. "There are some examples that impressed me. For example, we have a water dispenser at the end of each floor corridor, and it is very convenient for students to drink water. But there is a mother who comes to school several times a day because she thinks the water dispenser is too far away and the child can't drink enough water at school, and she has to send it over. There are also parents who are worried that the classroom is on the fifth floor, and the child is too tired to go upstairs, affecting the development of the respiratory system. There are also parents of day students who send WeChat to teachers from time to time to inquire about their children's school situation, so that teachers can send photos of children to the class group every day to take a look at them to be assured."

"I'm a 10-year-old kid next to me, and I have to wake up in the morning. He set his own alarm clock and couldn't get up, and when he got up, he had to help him wash up. Liu Jiaying, a parent of a first-grade junior high school student in Banan District, Chongqing, said, "I observe that parents who are full-time at home with their children are more inclined to do everything, basically helping their children do everything."

Zhou Cong pointed out that many parents who let go of their children because they were busy with work had no time to manage their children and had to do it as a last resort, not really at ease and consciously cultivating independent ability.

According to the survey, 94.6% of the respondents felt that the phenomenon of parents "taking big packages" for their children was common, of which 28.3% thought it was very common. The interaction analysis found that respondents in second-tier cities felt more obviously, with a proportion of 96.1%. Parents surveyed also felt more strongly about this phenomenon (96.7%), significantly higher than other respondents (85.6%).

Parents are accustomed to arranging 65.1% of the respondents believe that the main reason is that they are worried that their children will not do well

"I always feel that children are still young, and many things adults have done for granted. And the child usually does not do well, slow to do, and I have done it myself when I teach her. There are also concerns about security. For example, when schools leave manual homework, scissors are used. I was worried that the sharp scissors would hurt her and would often help with it. Zhou Yuning sighed that the child's hands-on ability is not strong now, and the sense of independence is weak.

He Yilin said that the way students get along with parents around them is also an important aspect that affects the formation of children's behavior habits and the establishment of consciousness. "My boss is that sometimes it's not that she doesn't want to do it herself, but when she sees that many parents are helping their children do it, she feels that this is a matter for parents." We communicated many times on this topic."

Zhou Cong feels that some parents are meticulous about their children, perhaps because they did not get enough love when they were young, and they wanted to make up for the love they had missed to their children.

Not daring to let go of children and wanting to do everything themselves is a very common phenomenon among parents. In this regard, Sun Hongyan, director and researcher of the Institute of Children and Adolescents of the China Youth Research Center, analyzed that this is related to China's traditional family culture. "A generation feeds a generation, a generation of grace." In our traditional family culture, parents would rather give up on themselves than do more for their children." Secondly, Chinese parents hope that their sons will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes. Always thinking about taking care of more things in life for children, can free up more time to learn, there are a lot of substitution phenomena. Third, not wanting to let go is feeling too much trouble. "For example, children are too young, they can't do housework well, they break the dishes or they can't wash them clean. Parents feel that it is better to do it themselves than to do it. This does not leave the child with a chance to be independent."

Why do some parents always want to "take care of big packages" for their children? According to the survey, 65.1% of the respondents believe that they are always worried that their children will not do well, 58.2% of the respondents said that they always feel that their children are still young, 56.1% of the respondents pointed out that parents consciously think that it is natural to be a parent, 43.2% of the respondents bluntly said that they are doting on their children, and 20.4% of the respondents believe that parents themselves have been like this since childhood and are used to it.

64.9% of the respondents pointed out that parental arrangements will lead to children's strong dependence and inability to deal with problems independently

He Yilin pointed out that parents do everything for their children, and children will be late and will not be independent. "Every day to pick up my family's boss to and from school, listen to parents gossip, some children do duty in school, will not sweep the floor, even the broom will not take, and even parents to help do hygiene." 」

Zhou Cong said that parents take good care of their children, which greatly affects the cultivation of children's independent consciousness. She pointed out that children's independent ability is closely related to the cultivation of social skills. "If children are more independent, they will be more confident in the process of learning and making friends." Especially when children are young, if the development of social skills is limited, it has an impact on many aspects such as personality. It will also make it difficult for children to adapt to group life and integrate."

What are the effects of too much parent intervention in their children? 64.9% of the respondents pointed out that it will lead to children's strong dependence and cannot deal with problems independently, 62.9% of the respondents are worried that their children will get used to the efforts of others and do not know how to understand others, and 61.8% of the respondents believe that children are spoiled and habitual and cannot suffer hardships. Others include: lack of responsibility (35.3%), lack of self-confidence (34.8%), and easy entanglement and hesitation (21.7%).

Sun Hongyan said that since the birth of a child, he is an independent person. From an early age, we must begin to realize "who I am", and in the adolescent stage, we must gradually find ourselves. Physiologically speaking, this is called "self-identity", that is, teenagers should know "who I am" and recognize "who I am". "It's a 'task' of adolescence. If children don't have independence, it's hard to understand who they are and what they can do. If self-identity is not well constructed, learning and life will show that they cannot find a goal, are cowardly, and have no opinion. When I grow up, I participate in work, more obediently, and I am prone to not having the courage to explore and try."

Sun Hongyan said that the importance of family education, school education, social education, and the three kinds of education in a person's growth process is a "three-legged" existence. However, in cultivating children's independence, family education has greater advantages and room to play. "The family is the main place of children's lives, such as dressing and doing housework, which are all scenes and details of life. Often the child's lack of independence occurs in the family." She reminded parents to dare to let go and give their children a closer and independent opportunity to live.

(Dani Lee also contributed to this article))

Source: China Youth Daily client