The most beautiful April day on earth, the weekend sun is very good, so I took the two babies for a walk in the park near the community to enjoy the flowers, and met my colleague Ah Fei and her four-year-old son to play football. Ah Fei greeted her warmly and greeted her, and her brother and sister also politely called "Auntie Good".
At this time, Ah Fei asked her son to greet us, and the child hid behind his mother timidly and did not dare to speak.
Affee said helplessly, "I'm really sorry, my son is a bit introverted." Turning his head and saying to the child, he said, "Why are you so timid that you don't dare to say hello." ”
I hurriedly said that it didn't matter, the children have such a stage, don't tighten, let the children go to the side to play together. When chatting with Ah Fei, she kept saying that her son was very timid, sometimes felt particularly intimidated, and did not know how to change.
For introverted children, parents always unconsciously use some personal offensive words to evaluate them. The implication is that children who prefer to be outgoing and dare to express themselves. Admittedly, extroverted children are endearing, but should introverted children be compared?
The British girl was asked to speak on stage and chose to end her life in anxiety
When I got home, I told my husband what had happened in the park, and he told me a news story in England a few years ago, which made people feel uneasy for a long time.
A 20-year-old British girl with excellent grades and the best among the students, the teacher asked her to prepare a speech, and there will be an audience of 300 people.
The girl was not very excited to hear the news, but became very sad. She thought about it and went to the teacher to say that she couldn't do the speech, and she was scared. But the teacher said that she could do it, and repeatedly encouraged her to overcome her psychological fears and successfully complete the speech.
She went to the teacher a few times and got the same response each time.
By the day of the speech, the 300 spectators did not wait for the girl who had the courage to speak, but waited for the bad news that she had committed suicide at the residence.
It turned out that the girl had severe stage anxiety disorder, she had excellent grades but was more introverted and not good at expressing herself.
After the incident, many people expressed regret, and one commented: "For shy people, it is very stressful to force them into the spotlight!" ”
It may also be that many people do not understand the girl's approach and feel that it is not enough. But for an introverted and shy person, perhaps forcing her to extrovert is enough to destroy the child.
Parents prefer extroverted children to introverted children
Wu Zhihong once said that introversion is the protection of introverts, and extroversion is the reward for extroverts.
Talking to the mothers about the children's personalities, most of the mothers will express their envy for the children with the outward personality in their words.
"The music in the community, sweet and polite, is also a small host in school, but it is really excellent."
"Looking at the son of the Xiaohu family, at the age of five or six, he can be alone, take the courier to buy things, and he is not afraid of strangers at all."
Even for children who are rude and speak indiscriminately, adults have praise:
"Although this child is not polite, but now the society is complicated, it is always strong, or it is not bullied."
However, for introverted children, most of our reviews are not very friendly:
"Why are you so timid?" If kids don't dare to perform in public, we'll say so.
"You're so intimidated!" When the child's toy is robbed, he does not dare to go to the toy that belongs to himself.
"You're also too rude." When children are afraid to take the initiative to greet others, such as Affy's children.
In the face of introverted children, we always try to make children change themselves, such as the practice of a 20-year-old British girl teacher, saying some words of encouragement to children.
"You have to believe in yourself, you can do it."
"Don't be afraid, it's nothing, it's not difficult at all."
"You are very good, but if you try harder, you will definitely be more lively and cheerful."
When we say these words of "encouragement," it sounds like nothing wrong, but for a child who is resistant inside, it's like a knife in his neck.
Aren't introverts necessarily inferior to extroverts?
Acceptance is more important than change
Susan Kane mentioned in the TED Talk "The Power of Introversion" that one-third to one-half of the world's people are introverts, and introverts are excellent.
The well-known harry potter author J. K. Rowling once said, "I was traveling when the idea of Harry Potter came to my head, but I was really too shy to open my mouth and borrow a pen from someone else." ”
Can we say she wasn't good? Is she inferior to extroverted people? In addition to J· K. Rowling, and many other celebrities are also introverts, such as Einstein, Bill Gates, Zuckerberg and so on.
Every child has a different personality and development, extroverted personality is certainly enviable, but this does not mean that introverted children are not excellent. There is no good or bad personality itself, just look at how parents guide development.
Then in the face of introverted children, we may not need to rush them to change, try to accept the child's introverted personality, and still cultivate excellent children.
On the one hand, clearly recognize the child's personality.
Children are introverted or extroverted, and as parents, we should be very clear. But some children may be "little bully" at home, and act like "little white rabbit" on the outside, which makes parents wonder whether the child is extroverted or introverted?
If this is the case, it can be considered that the child is an introvert, and under the premise of clearly recognizing the child's personality, the child can be guided by appropriate strategies to guide the child's growth.
There is a small bully behavior at home, and we have to think about whether there is a problem with the parenting style, resulting in the child being neither big nor small. If you are timid and afraid of life outside, you should consider how to guide your child's strong mind.
On the other hand, try to protect your child's nature and not force them to change.
Children have introverted and shy performance, don't use "insulting" language to attack the child, introversion is not a mistake, just the child's nature. Some parents will ask, "Do you just let it develop?" ”
Of course not, introversion is just a character performance and does not affect their personality development. But forcing introverted children to do extroverts will undoubtedly cause a great psychological burden on children, which in turn will affect their behavior and way of thinking.
If you want your child to try, it is recommended that you must do your child's ideological work in advance, understand clearly what the real reason for his fear of something is, whether it can be overcome, or insurmountable, and do not force them to change.
In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:
Introverted children need the love and protection of parents, and believe that introverted children are equally good, and when they quietly do themselves, they may be carrying out deep self-knowledge and thinking. Introverted children, with their own light.
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