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When love becomes love, no matter how good it was, it can't go back | Chengyi
While chatting with a friend, she suddenly asked me:
"When was the closest you came to love?"
I thought about it and replied to her:
"Probably when I wanted to marry him and have a family."
Marriage is the highest form of expression of loving a person.
It was not a momentary impulse, but a long-built courage.
Yes, I used to like someone very, very much.
I liked it so much that as long as he nodded, I could always take the hukou book and go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a certificate.
I have fantasized countless times about life after marrying him.
Every morning after getting up, we squeeze together in the bathroom to brush our teeth.
Because he was not fully awake, he mistakenly stuffed my toothbrush into his mouth as his own.
And I didn't give up, and squeezed his toothpaste over.
Before we pack up and get ready to go out, we'll give each other a hug.
He would also give me an extra kiss and smile and see you in the evening.
In the evening he came home from work, and after entering the door and taking off his shoes,
I would conjure up a bouquet of flowers from behind me like magic, telling me that when I saw this bouquet of flowers, I thought of me.
We had dinner together and chatted as we ate.
He complained to me about his work, and I shared my parental shortness with him.
Day after day, year after year, we live like this.
Let the world be barren and noisy, we are always us.
When we were young, we all wanted passionate love.
Thinking that love needs fireworks, needs roses, and needs romance that everyone knows.
Later, we found out that what we really wanted was just a lover who would not leave.
It is a persistence, a preference, a persistence.
If he hadn't let go, if we hadn't ignored love until now.
Maybe my original imagination would really come true.
But you and I both know that in adult love, there is no assumption.
We are all very stubborn people, and sometimes we value our dignity more than each other.
So when a contradiction occurs, we all stubbornly believe that we are not wrong.
He wouldn't bow his head, and I wouldn't back down.
He was silent about me, and I was blind to him.
Again and again the Cold War piled up, and misunderstandings broke out again and again.
Over time, the relationship broke down.
Even on the day of the breakup, we stubbornly did not open our mouths to keep it.
Two hedgehog-like men came together.
If both sides learn not to put away the thorns on their bodies, they will only stab each other.
When he wounded the enemy ten thousand times, he also lost eight hundred.
Two years after the breakup, I learned from friends that he was still alone.
Since I separated, he has not been in contact with anyone else.
People around me advised me, or you should get back together.
"You obviously have each other in your hearts, so give each other a chance."
"You guys get back together, really, there's no one better suited to each other than you."
Every time I hear these remarks, I subconsciously shake my head.
A mirror was shattered, and it was still impossible to paste it back to its original form.
Not to mention couples who are separated because of contradictions and misunderstandings.
To say that you are not sad, that you are not sorry, that you do not want to start over, is false.
But I also know that there was a whole once upon a time between us.
He is no longer who he was, and I am not who I am then.
Maybe it's the work of time.
The strength that had to be indispensable to him at the beginning, the kind of determination to love him even though he was desperate.
Unconsciously, it has dissipated in the long river of years.
If next time I'm lucky enough to meet a nice guy.
I will still be brave, I will fight, I will grasp it, I will cherish it.
But that person, it won't be him anymore.
I think he should think the same thing.
When love becomes love, no matter how good it was, it can't go back.
The love that wants to get married must be based on love.
It takes both people to have the same goal, to be determined and determined, and to be religious.
Once upon a time, I had these conditions.
At that time, I dared to love, dared to run, and dared to give everything I could.
But now, the indomitable me, after life has been ruthlessly kneaded and flattened.
It seems that the original bravery and persistence have been lost.
I seemed to be caught in a fog, unable to distinguish between truly pure and unblemished love.
I can't give a spotless heart.
But even so, I still yearn to love and be loved.
I hope there can be someone who can ignite my silent desire for love.
It can restore my confidence and courage in love.
No matter how long you have been alone in the storm.
I still long to walk to a traffic light intersection and have someone around me holding an umbrella or raining with me.
I hope that the next person who appears will meet me with sincerity.
Exchange your heart for your heart, and love each other to the fullest.
Even if you have seen the most unbearable appearance of the other party, you will not want to escape.
Instead, they hug each other tighter between flaws and imperfections.
If you can go from love to marriage, you can't be lucky.
END
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