"My children love to beat people, they beat people when they are not satisfied, they talk about scolding or even beating, it is useless!"
I believe that many parents have encountered this situation, and they are helpless, so why should children beat people? Do you know the reason behind it?
Hitting people, catching people, what's wrong with the baby?
Babies around one year old "naturally" like to express their dissatisfaction or want to get something by "hitting, pinching, and grabbing people".
In child psychology, these "violent" behaviors that babies exhibit are called aggressive behaviors. These aggressive behaviors can be divided into several different behaviors, one is direct physical injury, such as hitting people, pushing people, arresting people, etc., the second is verbal harm, such as cursing people, laughing at others, etc., and the third is indirect, psychological harm, such as saying bad things about people behind their backs.
Humans are inherently aggressive, and all children are more or less aggressive. Before the age of 2, most children are self-centered and do not understand the feelings of others, and during this period, they push or hit people to get what they want, which is a normal stage.
Most children after the age of 3 can understand the feelings of others, but there are also hurtful behaviors such as hitting people or cursing people, because the prefrontal cortex of the brain responsible for their emotions has not yet matured and cannot be as thoughtful as adults, so it is easier to do things impulsively.
Once the mouth is not clear or the ability can not be done, a rush will use physical expression, showing behavior such as hitting people, but this does not mean that the child has a violent tendency, so there is no need to worry too much.
Overall, aggressive behavior in children generally has the first peak at ages 3-6 and the second at ages 10-11. Attack methods are mainly divided into two categories: violent attacks and verbal attacks, boys are mostly violent attacks, girls are mostly verbal attacks, and boys are more aggressive than girls.
Let the baby hit people, what adverse effects will be
Hitting and grabbing such behaviors is conducive to the learning and development of the baby's behavioral ability in the early stage, but as the child's age increases, if the child is allowed to hit people without paying attention, or by beating and cursing the child to teach, it will have a great impact on the child's growth:
Affects children's social relationships and causes low social adaptability
A survey of children's social relationships conducted by Missouri State University in the United States showed that children who were excluded for destructive behavior and aggression were at risk of psychological disorders when they grew up, such as skipping class, aggressiveness, and poor academic performance.
Piaget's developmental psychology states that peers play a vital role in a child's social development.
Lack of ability to deal with social contradictions
In the face of children being bullied, many parents mostly advocate the solution of for tat, but this invisibly instills a wrong perception in children, once it is not in line with their own wishes, or what they want can not get, they can get it through force. Children who have grown up under the influence of this educational method for a long time cannot learn the correct way to deal with contradictions, and they are more likely to have various social obstacles in the future.
Attacks are increasing
Some parents are accustomed to using violent punishment to educate their children, so that after the child is beaten, it is easy to produce resistance, and once this emotion is "transferred" to other people, it is easy to form aggressive behavior. In addition, due to children's strong imitation and poor ability to distinguish between right and wrong, often watching violent films and television films and playing violent video games will also strengthen the child's aggressive psychology.
Psychological research has shown that 70% of juvenile violent criminals are identified as aggressive behaviors in childhood, that is to say, children with strong aggression from an early age, if they do not pay attention to overcoming and stopping, will be difficult to adapt to society when they grow up, and even easily embark on the road of breaking the law and committing crimes. Therefore, if the child often has more aggressive behavior, parents must not take it lightly and must be corrected as soon as possible.
How to guide your baby to aggressive behavior
Contradictions are set aside and appease the first
When the child hits someone else, the parent needs to calm the child's emotions first, and apologize to the other parent at the same time. Parents must not indiscriminately reprimand the child, the focus is on the child's emotional stability, you understand the situation, and then carry out appropriate education or criticism of the child.
Teach children to properly vent their emotions
Annoyance, frustration, anger are relatively easy to cause children's aggressive behavior of emotions, for children with weak control ability, to teach children to know how to vent their feelings, for example, you can play with children to throw things, throwing games, provide simple operations such as tearing paper, picking vegetables, rubbing pasta, etc., to guide children to reduce the aggressive behavior to the minimum.
Parents lead by example
In addition to giving comfort and education at the moment when the child hits people, in peacetime, parents must also constantly reflect on themselves. First of all, reflect on whether you have done it by example? If parents have always been "doing what they don't agree with", it will undoubtedly cause a wrong demonstration for their children. Parents must pay attention to their own self-cultivation and set a good example for their children.
Treat it calmly and ignore it appropriately
Cold treatment of the child's aggressive behavior, the so-called "cold treatment", is to ignore it for the time being, express indifference to the child, and use this method to "punish" his aggressive behavior. Of course, when parents accompany their children, they must also observe their children's needs and achieve high-quality companionship.
In short, children find that they are different from each other through aggressive behavior, understand pain in the attack, understand the hurt and be hurt, so parents should not feel bad when they find that the child has aggressive behavior. It is necessary to learn to raise children and raise themselves, set a good example for children, let children use non-violent methods to solve problems, and control themselves.