These days, I see the distress of a pair of parents. They live in rural areas, and they are also self-media people in the new era, and they have recently encountered difficulties.
Their son is 16 years old and is attending secondary school. According to their description, the child has been obedient and sensible since childhood, and rarely needs his parents to worry, but recently he suddenly proposed that he did not want to go to school, and refused to go to school when he stayed at home.
The adults in the family were very anxious, and first they tried to reason with the children, but the children could not listen to them at all. So the child's parents thought of a way to let the child follow them to work in the field. Against the big sun, in the sweltering vegetable greenhouse, the children were hot and sweaty, and they did most of the day.
The father walked over and asked the child whether it was good to go to school or work well, and the child's answer was "good work", and the father suddenly looked helpless. The next day, the father arranged a stinky and tired job for the child - to dig up the feces. Unexpectedly, his son finished seriously, did not shout bitterness or tiredness, and did not choose to compromise to go to school.
The couple is helpless, they don't know why the child is like this? Worry, self-blame, anxiety, eat badly, can't sleep, worry about this matter every day. Grandpa couldn't take it anymore, so he went early in the morning to persuade his grandson to go back to school and told him about his parents.
After the child listened, he immediately ran to his parents' room to tell them the truth. It turned out that the child did not do well in school, and he could not understand what the teacher said, and he felt that he was a waste of time and money. Coupled with the poor economic conditions at home, my parents got up early and worked greedily and did business, and they couldn't make much money. Grandpa is very old and has to work non-stop, and Grandma is not in good health and takes medicine all year round. He thinks he might as well go home and help out, and lighten some of the burden on his family.
This remark brought tears to the eyes of the adults, and they did not expect this child to be so sensible.
Many parents hope that their children can understand things, but children who are too sensible will have problems.
Children who are too sensible cannot form a clear understanding of themselves and lose themselves.
Sensible children are always used to prioritizing the needs and feelings of others and ignoring their true thoughts. They always think about what others need when they do things, but they don't really think about what they want. Their self-awareness is relatively weak, they cannot accurately evaluate themselves, they are easy to fall into confusion, and they cannot make the right choice at critical moments.
The child of this family is indeed very sensible, he sees the difficulties of the family, realizes the difficulties of the family, and he thinks that he should help the adults to share. Although he is thinking about his family, because he is young and has little experience, he does not realize that he can go to school well, learn skills, and have a good way out in the future, which is the best reward for his family.
Children who are too sensible are prone to suppress their real needs and emotions, and they cannot experience true happiness.
Many parents always want their children to be well-behaved and sensible, and when their children are obedient, they will be satisfied. When children disobey, they will get angry and even scold the children. Children tend to become more sensible in order to cater to the needs of their parents. Obviously, there is only one piece of sugar, and in order to appear sensible, he chooses to endure pain and cut love. Knowing that his beloved toy was broken by others, he was very sad, and in order to appear sensible, he chose to hide his emotions.
Over time, understanding things became their habit. They always do things to cater to the needs of others, and when their own needs conflict with each other, they always compromise. They have a lot of emotions in their hearts, wearing the mask of understanding to do things they don't want to do. Unable to follow his own heart, unable to be himself, how can such a child experience true happiness?
Children who are too sensible are afraid of making mistakes and lack the spirit of adventure.
Why fear making mistakes? Because they dare not bear the consequences of making mistakes, they are afraid to burden others. Sensible children are like a little adult, they lack the characteristics of children, and they will consider the consequences before doing things. They will unconsciously think, what if Mom and Dad are angry? What should I do if my good friend is sad? What if things go wrong? Do things with fear and dare not take risks.
A teacher has said that there is a class of students in schools who seem to be well-behaved, disciplined, hard-working, and almost never make mistakes. However, they always lack vitality, and despite their hard work, their results are not outstanding. Such children are often very sensible, do not ask the teacher for advice, they are afraid that the teacher will blame themselves for not listening carefully, will not dare to say, people are distressed and helpless.
Sensible children are indeed popular, but children who are too sensible are distressing. I hope that parents will no longer turn understanding into the standard for evaluating children, allow children to make mistakes, take children's ideas seriously, and do not prematurely require children with adult standards, so that children can truly become children.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.