How to make children conscious and active (1)

Have fun with your kids

To be honest, after reading this name, I thought, not only children, we adults can take the initiative and consciously draw, this is simply a good thing, many adults may not be able to do a good job in this regard. But the book I'm talking about today gives us plenty of ways to show us how to raise an active and self-conscious child.

This book is a book that teaches children to say yes to the world. It also proposes a small experiment in which you first say "yes" seven times in a very gentle, affirmative, and encouraging voice: yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Say "no" seven more times in a harsh, rejecting, cold voice: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You think back to how you just felt, in fact, when you say "yes", people's mentality is open, that is, acceptance, welcome, and curiosity. And when people say "no," they are rejected, rebellious, and rigid. By writing this book, the author hopes that children will be able to live in such an environment: others say "yes" to him, and he says "yes" to the whole world.

First, the open brain and the defensive brain

At the beginning of the book, the author proposes two types of human brains: one called the open brain, and the other called the defensive brain. Their mechanism we will talk about later. Let's first look at the author's "seller show", what is the open brain? Typical manifestations of children with open brains are flexibility, curiosity, stoicism, willingness to try new things, and even willingness to make mistakes.

Be open to the world and relationships. This helps his social interactions, helps him understand himself, develops an inner compass, and moves toward true success. And the child with a defensive brain behaves reactively, fearfully, rigidly, closed, worried about making mistakes, focusing only on external achievements and goals, not paying attention to internal trials and explorations, he may gain honor and external success, but strictly abide by tradition, maintain the status quo, become good at pleasing others, and damage curiosity and fun. Children with open brains belong to what we call both active and conscious children, and children with defensive brains usually belong to children who are not active and unconscious. In fact, the state that parents often encounter in life is that the child can't go away and keeps being late; the child is "thankful" when he wins, and "destroys the world" when he loses; or if he does not meet the needs of the child, he will lie on the ground and roll, it is really not OK, he wants to fight with the other party.

These problems are usually decided by the so-called inactive, unconscious defensive brain. As soon as I finish talking about the typical performance of these two brains, no parent will want their children to be defensive brains, and they will certainly want their children to be an open brain, and they all hope that their children will be flexible, curious, stoic, and open to the world. So how exactly? How can you help your child build an open brain? The book gives a concept, two perspectives, four abilities, and nine strategies. Let's start with these two concepts: the open brain and the defensive brain. In fact, this is for two parts of our brain that are very active, one part is called the prefrontal lobe, and the other part is called the amygdala. The amygdala is one of the first parts of the brain to develop at the biological level, and it is mainly responsible for the judgment of whether to fight or flee. That is, it controls human primitive instincts. When you walk in the forest and suddenly a big tiger pops up, you will breathe rapidly, your heart will rise, and your blood pressure will double. Should I fight or escape? It's your amygdala that makes the decision at this time. But the prefrontal lobe is not. The prefrontal lobe develops relatively late and matures relatively late than the amygdala.

For humans, it is usually after the age of twenty, or after the age of twenty-five, that his prefrontal lobe is fully developed. The prefrontal lobe is primarily related to emotion, logic, reasoning, judgment, and curiosity. In the book, the author divides them into the so-called lower brain and the upper brain. This lower and upper layers are both their relationship in the process of our decision-making, and their physical position relationship in the brain, or physiological position relationship. The amygdala is relatively lower, and the prefrontal leaves are above. That is to say, we need to help children build an open brain, first of all, to avoid excessive involvement of the amygdala. Parents play a crucial role in helping children build an open brain, that is, a decision-making system based on the prefrontal lobe. This is one of two points of view. Because it is the parents who give the children the external stimulus of "yes" or "no" more often. If a child is exposed to more "yes" from an early age, his prefrontal lobe will develop more perfectly and more rapidly, and the brain will build more neural connections in this regard. This is the second point, which is that the open brain can be acquired.

And if he is more exposed to the cold, tough imperative language of "no", then his amygdala will be in a state of excitement more time. He always thought he was in a state of desperate need of protection: I wanted to protect my body from serious damage, so either I fought with the other party or I ran. Most parents want their children to be proactive and self-conscious, to be a child with an open brain who actively says yes to the world. So how do you do that? In fact, the most important thing is to help children complete the integration of brain functions, that is, to integrate most of the children's functions under the management of the prefrontal lobe. The whole box of processes, relying on the physiological basis is: to build a richer neuronal connection. Teacher Fan Deng has said in many books, why does he read so fast? In fact, this has a very important relationship with the neuronal connections in his brain. He reads often, and the cerebral cortex of the place where he often reads will be stimulated accordingly, and his reading ability will become stronger and stronger. Moreover, the more his knowledge is stored, the more he is able to build horizontal connections, and the easier it is for him to read quickly, understand quickly, and tell brilliantly.

I'm sure you all know it too. The same is true of the so-called open brain and defensive brain, where the more you exercise, the more neurons it produces. Where neuronal connections are produced, the center that manages the nervous system is more developed. So how do you construct this neuronal junction? Biologically speaking, it is to stimulate discharge. Neurons are constantly firing, and they can produce more synapses and more connections with other neurons. So how do you stimulate discharge? Directing attention is one of the most important ways to stimulate discharge. The author's original words are: Pay attention to where you are, and the correspondingly active cerebral cortex is there to generate discharge. Therefore, parents can help their children integrate their brains by guiding their children's attention and helping their children build richer neuronal connections. The author also said in the book: What you value, what you don't pay attention to, what you care about, what you don't care about, will affect what kind of person your child grows into. This is not simply genetic inheritance, but parents have built such an environment for their children. Mothers like to sing, from a young age to sing to the child, then in the child's understanding and acceptance of the corresponding functional area of the brain, there will be more discharge, which will produce more neural connections, then of course, this area is more developed.