01
Not having the ability to reject others is actually rejecting self-change, and even if you have good intentions, you often do stupid things.
Schopenhauer said:
"If we refuse to lend money to a friend, we will not lose that friend; but if we lend him money, we can easily lose him."
Too polite and too kind, but it is easy to make us have an enemy, because everything has a degree.
Unless you're ready to lend out the money, it's clear that you're just willing to help a friend.
Therefore, good people are worth it, but you can't be a good person, and you must look at people to see things, what kind of things to help, and what kind of people to help. What does the word "look" mean? Have the courage to say no to something stupid, and the courage to say no to the person who refuses.
Rejecting others is really an ability, and behind this ability, it means that you have judgment, thought, and thinking.
It is very important to judge, to choose, and not to accept anyone's moral kidnapping, emotional kidnapping. In fact, on the other hand, anyone who can kidnap you with morality and emotion is not worth it.
For example, never understand the difficulties of others, selfishness, domineering and narrow-mindedness.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and the person who should be embarrassed is not you. What's wrong with a person thinking about their own life? If something goes wrong in their own life, who is responsible for it?
Maybe kindness is not to win the praise of others, but at least we can't always set up enemies for ourselves because of our own kindness.
There are some things that cannot be helped or can not be helped, and decisively refuse to be good to each other, and do not give each other illusory hopes; some people, who can help or cannot help, are careful to make themselves not people inside and out.
02
There was a friend next to me, chatting together a while ago, and she talked about her troubles. For marriage, for life, in fact, they are quite happy, but they can't stand the husband's point, abusing good people.
Because the husband is a good person, he has caused a great burden on family life.
For her complaints and complaints, her husband can also listen to it, but his thoughts always remain unchanged: "Oh, it is a good relationship around me, it is not easy to refuse, there are times when you encounter difficulties." ”
For example, if a relative finds a husband and hopes to find what relationship to do something, as a bystander, he must first objectively assess his own ability, if he is not sure, simply refuse to be good to each other. But what kind of person is the husband? Whether you are sure or not, you will try to agree.
In the case of their own uncertainty, I am embarrassed to refuse directly, and I will give the other party a preventive injection first: "I can only try, and if I can't do it, don't blame me." ”
Although the words are said, in the end you have allowed things to be done, and people have gone back to wait for your news, and as a result, things cannot be done, and they will definitely think more.
The most realistic thing is that you really can't do it, but the other party's heart will think, is it because of the reason for not giving gifts, deliberately embarrassing yourself. Otherwise, how to promise to be good (people don't care or believe what you said before to try), suddenly become impossible.
Friends borrow money, this kind of thing often happens to the husband, in the case of their own life is not very generous, no matter who borrows money do not mean to refuse, rather their own life is difficult.
When borrowing money, it is good, and when you urge others to repay the money, you immediately become an enemy, and it is easy to offend the other party.
Some friends, the husband knows that he can't involve money with the other party, but as long as he opens his mouth to him, he will still lend out with a fluke mentality, and finally make a fuss that even friends can't do it, and each has its own reason.
No matter who, as long as they open their mouths to their husbands, they almost do not refuse, in fact, their hearts are very difficult, but they are embarrassed to refuse. As a result, family life is almost chaotic into a pot of porridge, and there are always friends who come to visit each other.
Losing the rhythm of normal life, busy with other people's things is the norm, busy enough to have no energy to deal with their own things, and even affect the work.
The lights at home are broken, and the husband has no time to change them for two months, and as long as he is idle, he will be called away by his friends immediately.
There are also many friends who like to take advantage of each other, and like to drag their husbands to do some chores for themselves and then save their own money. Only his family was upset with him, and he was busy with something every day.
Yes, the husband has a good reputation outside, who mentions who praises, but whose days know, and this does not do anything in actual life. Therefore, the friend is very distressed, saying that after seven years of marriage, the most I hope at the moment is that the husband can have the ability to reject others.
03
The psychology of embarrassment kills people, how many adults are embarrassed, and their lives are involved in the whirlpool, in fact, in the end, no one appreciates your embarrassment, just look at how you help things.
In "Human Disqualification", it is said:
"My misfortune lies precisely in my lack of ability to refuse. I was afraid that rejecting someone else would leave a rift in each other's hearts that would never heal. ”
It is their own worry, their sensitivity, and their fear of rejecting others, which will cause an embarrassing rift in each other's psychology.
Adults should be able to see openly and see through these people's sophistication, otherwise they can really cause misfortune in life and affect family life. People who are too kind are stupid, and people who are too kind often cause trouble for themselves.
There is also a kind of "good guy" in life.
In the corridor, I saw an old lady carrying a vegetable basket, eager to run quickly and take the initiative to help, but at home she did not even help the oil bottle, and always lay on the sofa like a "great uncle", thundering and not moving, and turning a blind eye to the busyness and hardships of her wife.
In fact, I am most afraid of women marrying such men, and the "good" on the outside is not really good, and the heart of the person is set up. Occasionally the couple has a conflict, and everyone will only come up to you and accuse you, never believing that a person who is so good will do something wrong to your family.
Or "nest horizontal", for everyone outside can also be pleasant, talking, back home immediately changed a look, very diaphragm, but also very torturous.
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