When my uncle's child was born, was it not normal for us relatives to say that he hated his son very much?
We couldn't say anything in the face of my cousin's questioning, and could only nod our heads from the sidelines.
Then Wei Weinuo said cousin, you may have some kind of stress reaction, so let's look at it after a while, in case you will like your child?
Time flies by, and in the blink of an eye, my cousin's child is an adult, and even two years later, he will be 30 years old.
But even so, when my cousin is no one, he always complains to us, there is no reason, others say that they have a very good relationship with their children.
Why didN't I want this child of mine from the very beginning, and even always hated my own child?
And more importantly, because the cousin hates this child of his own, it is no secret, it is a public topic.
Therefore, the relationship between the cousin's children and the cousin is not as close as imagined, and contradictions and conflicts occasionally break out between the two sides.
Point 1, will anyone really hate their own children?
To be realistic, let me first talk about the case of my uncle, who is almost the most special case among all the parents I recognize.
It is said that the cousin learned at the beginning that the aunt was pregnant, jumped and jumped every day, and in order to maintain a good family environment, the cousin slept at 9 o'clock at night, never drank alcohol, and never smoked.
According to the cousin, only by doing this can we be good to the aunt and the baby.
So much so that during that time, my aunt was jealous, pointing to my cousin's nose and saying, now it hurts your little baby, how about waiting for the baby to really be born after it is still uneven?
The cousin laughed at the side, and at that time he also thought, whether he has a son or a daughter, he must treat him well, and he must make his children talented.
But the moment the child was born, the cousin hated his child for no reason.
It's a son, it's even more true that he looks like himself, or he is his own child, that's absolutely true, but I don't know why my cousin always likes it.
At first, we mistakenly thought that the child had just been born, so the appearance was a little ugly, and it was normal for the cousins to be slightly estranged.
However, I did not expect that after a short time, my cousin's dislike for the child became more and more annoying.
At that time, the child was only about 5 years old, and everyone knew at the age of 5 that basically came out of an age when even kittens hated even dogs, and there were many mistakes and small mistakes on weekdays, and there seemed to be no growth.
His cousin had told him many times that he should not do this, but the child could not pay any attention to it, or could not understand it at all.
Usually, the cousin is not lightly angry, in fact, everyone who has raised a child knows that when the child is young, he is disobedient or often makes trouble, which is really a normal thing.
But I didn't expect my cousin to frown tightly, and sometimes I was always talking about why I would give birth to such a child.
Although the cousin and the cousin's son dislike each other, the cousin has done everything that should be done, so that his children receive the best education, and when they encounter some things, the cousin never gets angry.
More often than not, he hides in the house and blames himself, and there are some words that he can't say, which makes the whole family extremely depressed.
It wasn't until their children were in high school that the family atmosphere improved, why? Because the child is in high school, he does not have to stay at home every day, and the child seems to understand this, and going to high school is also a relief for the child.
Later, the child went to college, worked outside, and had a career, and it is reasonable to say that the relationship with the child will be better at this time.
But the absence of a cousin, as if he simply hated his own child, was a very strange thing, to be precise, difficult to be understood.
Point 2 is how to look at this matter and how to solve it.
To be precise, the cousin is a person who is not good at communication, only I know the secret of the cousin, if it is not today, by chance, I am afraid that this secret will be buried in the heart for a lifetime, then how should the cousin solve such a state?
In fact, in the end, it is still a matter of mentality, the original family of two suddenly came to a small partner, according to the theory are very happy.
The proportion of unhappiness or melancholy that is simply low and completely negligible, and the cousin is the poor person with the low proportion.
Why is the cousin acting so melancholy, or is the cousin so worried about what he is afraid of? We need to study this matter carefully.
It's just that I don't seem to have much research capital as a psychologist, but fortunately we will talk directly about the most important topic, that is, what is my cousin worried about?
Judging from my conversation with my cousin, my cousin was most worried, he did not dare to communicate with his son, nor did he dare to communicate with his son, and any problems between the two sides were sulking in his stomach, and then there was no follow-up.
I always tell my cousin that you have something to communicate with your child, you have to tell your child what you think, and ask your child if he has any ideas.
But my cousin shook his head every time he heard this, and then told me that it was too difficult to do it myself.
So here I am just borrowing the story of my cousin to tell you that if one day we feel that our children are not so cute, or think that their children have done something wrong, don't think about punishing themselves with sulk.
The most important thing you should do at this time is to communicate with your child, communicate, and see if there are any misunderstandings between yourself and your children, whether these misunderstandings can be solved, and if so, how should they be solved?
First solve the misunderstanding, and then talk about family affection, and from my personal experience, those relatives or parents around me have no one for their children, not all kinds of care and love.
And the cousin's negative emotions of hating children are only occasional, but as the children grow up, I will also have a happy look when the cousin talks about his children.
For example, it feels like you're trying to create a very superior life.
So I can only say that there is a problem with the communication between the cousin and the child, but the cousin may not hate his child so much in his heart.